Canada

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[[Image:Fl 45.png|thumb|Au Canada!]]
 
[[Image:Fl 45.png|thumb|Au Canada!]]
'''Canada''', the second largest country in the world (after [[Russia]]<ref>But if Russia keeps on shrinking, soon they will be first!  As long as they keep Quebec.<ref>), eh, is a parliamentary [[monarchy]] located directly north of the [[United States]], with whom it enjoys a complex and contradictory relationship. While the two countries are very close allies and major trading partners, Canadians have a smug and superior attitude towards Americans and tend to define themselves by how they differ from their neighbours in the Great Republic to the South. As the comedian Rick Mercer famously put it, "Remember, Canada is bigger and it's on top. If this were prison, the USA would be Canada's bitch."
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'''Canada''', the second largest country in the world (after [[Russia]]<ref>But if Russia keeps on shrinking, soon they will be first!  As long as they keep Quebec.</ref>), eh, is a parliamentary [[monarchy]] located directly north of the [[United States]], with whom it enjoys a complex and contradictory relationship. While the two countries are very close allies and major trading partners, Canadians have a smug and superior attitude towards Americans and tend to define themselves by how they differ from their neighbours in the Great Republic to the South. As the comedian Rick Mercer famously put it, "Remember, Canada is bigger and it's on top. If this were prison, the USA would be Canada's bitch."
  
 
Canada is a part of the Commonwealth of Nations, its capital is Ottawa, and its current monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, lives in a palace in England.
 
Canada is a part of the Commonwealth of Nations, its capital is Ottawa, and its current monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, lives in a palace in England.

Revision as of 22:59, 13 December 2008

Au Canada!

Canada, the second largest country in the world (after Russia[1]), eh, is a parliamentary monarchy located directly north of the United States, with whom it enjoys a complex and contradictory relationship. While the two countries are very close allies and major trading partners, Canadians have a smug and superior attitude towards Americans and tend to define themselves by how they differ from their neighbours in the Great Republic to the South. As the comedian Rick Mercer famously put it, "Remember, Canada is bigger and it's on top. If this were prison, the USA would be Canada's bitch."

Canada is a part of the Commonwealth of Nations, its capital is Ottawa, and its current monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, lives in a palace in England.

Contents

Language

Canadiacs speak French (though it is a separate dialect from standard French, sometimes referred to by French Nationals as "joual") or Canadian English, and sometime both. Canadian spelling uses lots of extra U's and E's for no reason. Despite being loyal to the English Crown, Quebecians hate non-French speaking slime as much as their brethren across the Big Pond. You will also be stoned to death if you pronounce 'Z' as 'zee.'

Health care

Canada has a complex system of universal health care that is free. However, they still flock in droves to the Dirty South because it is not uncommon for Canadiacs to die whilst waiting for specific medical operations.[2]

Gay marriage

They let homosexuals get married there, much to the chagrin of Alberta.

Go Canada! (No, I am not Canadian.)

Firearms

Also, while being as armed to the teeth as the United States, Canadians refuse to shoot each other at anything approaching the same rate[3].

Baseball

Canada is also the only country besides the United States with the opportunity to have its Japanese, Dominican, Mexican, Cuban, Venezuelan and American baseball players compete for the "World Series" championship title in professional baseball.

Beer

Canadians are especially proud of their beer. They say American beer, on the other hand, is like making love in a canoe - F***ing close to water. This sense of superiority is confusing to many who have tried Labatt Blue or Kokanee products.

Blame Canada!

Canada is featured in the song Blame Canada in the South Park movie. The humorously derogatory lyrics include:

"No, blame Canada, blame Canada!
With all their beady little eyes and flapping heads so full of lies
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
...
It seems that everything's gone wrong since Canada came along.
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
They're not even a real country anyway!"[4]

How Canada got its name

Way back when Canada became a nation, a group of citizens got together to decide what the new country would be called. Somebody just happened to have a game of Scrabble and they decided to take turns drawing letters, and thus would the country be named. The first person drew the letter C and called out, "C, eh?" The second person drew an N and called out, "N, eh?" The third person drew a D ("eh?")

Ha ha.

See Also

Footnotes

  1. But if Russia keeps on shrinking, soon they will be first! As long as they keep Quebec.
  2. http://www.city-journal.org/html/17_3_canadian_healthcare.html
  3. "Bowling For Columbine", Michael Moore et al.
  4. http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/southparkbiggerlonger&uncut/blamecanada.htm
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