Chuck Norris

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[[Image:Chuck_norris.jpg|thumb|Charles farts on a flag.]]
 
[[Image:Chuck_norris.jpg|thumb|Charles farts on a flag.]]
 
[[Image:Chuckvsosama.jpg|thumb|Chuck Norris attacks Osama for using all the KY.]]
 
[[Image:Chuckvsosama.jpg|thumb|Chuck Norris attacks Osama for using all the KY.]]
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'''Chuck Norris''' is a washed-up actor, an unpopular pretend Texas Ranger, and defecist at WorldNetDaily.com.
 
'''Chuck Norris''' is a washed-up actor, an unpopular pretend Texas Ranger, and defecist at WorldNetDaily.com.
  

Revision as of 13:16, 27 September 2008

Conservlogo late april.png
For those living in an alternate reality, Conservapedia has an "article" about Chuck Norris
Charles farts on a flag.
Chuck Norris attacks Osama for using all the KY.
Chucknorrisevolution.jpg

Chuck Norris is a washed-up actor, an unpopular pretend Texas Ranger, and defecist at WorldNetDaily.com.

Through his columns, Norris has been an outspoken critic of the theory of evolution, the teaching of which he holds makes him act like a monkey.

He has also worked to uncover a vast atheist conspiracy to outlaw Christianity in the United States, the first step of which is the acceptance of atheists in our government:

"Though the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered 45 percent of us would support an atheist for president. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of society is alive and well."

or, perhaps, that they are "real" Christians, and open and welcoming to all other people.

To thwart this menace of secularization, Norris has menacingly promised that if elected President (as if) he would "tattoo an American flag on the forehead of every atheist", an obvious form of flag desecration (see photo).

Norris is active in many Christian causes, including the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. He and his wife are the spokespersons for the National Council on Bible Curriculum, which seeks to bring state certified Bible courses to public high schools nationwide. Godspeed![1]

Chuck Norris Facts

The Chuck Norris facts are true because they were writen by a liberal. We know the author is liberal because he doesn't worship God, but rather Chuck Norris.

  1. There is no theory of evolution. Only animals that Chuck Norris chooses not to kill.
  2. Contrary to the mandates of liberal science, Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice. Just because.
  3. A little known fact is that Chuck Norris is Jesus' father.
  4. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Which he then blocks.
  5. Chuck Norris is the only known substance that can move at Awesomesonic speeds.
  6. Octopuses are not a species, but rather, the limbs and heads of people who have met Chuck Norris in a dark alley.
  7. When Chuck Norris wants butter, he roundhouse kicks the cow and butter comes straight out.
  8. When Charles does pushups he isn't pushing himself up like mere mortal humans, he is actually pushing the earth down.
  9. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubik's Cube scrambled and shit it out solved.
  10. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

See Also

References

  1. Except for the deceit, this trustworthy article was sourced entirely from here
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