Conservapedia:Machismo

From RationalWiki
(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(Quantifying Machismo)
(Machismo factor 1: ref for BHO)
Line 57: Line 57:
 
===Machismo factor 1===
 
===Machismo factor 1===
 
*[[Richard Dawkins]] - rated low for obvious reasons
 
*[[Richard Dawkins]] - rated low for obvious reasons
*[[Barack Obama]] - Muslim men also lack machismo
+
*[[Barack Obama]] - Muslim men also lack machismo<ref><capture>[http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Template:Mainpageright&diff=788084&oldid=788071]</capture></ref>
  
 
===Machismo factor 2===
 
===Machismo factor 2===

Revision as of 15:04, 18 June 2010

Machismo is a term used on Conservapedia to describe the level of masculinity, or "Manly-man-ness" in men. It is a desirable attribute for a good, Christian, conservative man to have; conversely, liberal and atheist men are defined by their lack of machismo. In rare cases, such as that of Margaret Thatcher and Sarah Palin, it is possible for a woman to have machismo.

The link between machismo and scientific and / or religious belief was first postulated in the seminal[1] work, Does Richard Dawkins Have Machismo?[2] by Ken DeMyer. The publication of this essay lead to the forces of atheism and Darwinism on the internet being comprehensively defeated.

Contents

Characteristics of Machismo

Men with high levels of machismo are likely to be good, conservative, christian men. They don't cook or do housework, as that is what women are for. They enjoy watching football (American football, not the girly soccer kind of football), drink American beer and eat bacon with all the fat left on. They attract the attention of lots of Hispanic ladies, and, for some reason, bulls.

Most importantly, they do not believe in evolution and regard atheism as being as bad, if not worse than communism. And they are definitely, definitely not homosexual or in any way obsessed with homosexuality. Sometimes they go weeks without thinking about homosexuality, unless the media makes them.[3]

Symptoms of a lack of Machismo

A lack of machismo will usually manifest itself in one or more of the following symptoms:

  • Being liberal
  • Being a liberal wiki vandal [4]
  • Being an atheist
  • Being female
  • Being a pantywaist
  • Being homosexual
  • Driving a "fuel efficient" vehicle (especially a Prius)
  • Being anti-war
  • Being an illegal Mexican immigrant
  • Using Linux
  • Speaking French
  • Eating Sushi
  • Drinking Coke Zero
  • Being divorced[5]

The Machismo Factor

Machismo is measured on a scientifically-backed five-part scale from 1 (low) to 5 (high). The scale is a base-10 logarithmic scale, much like the Richter Scale, so someone with Machismo Factor 5 is 10 times more manly than someone with Machismo Factor 4, and 100 times more macho than someone with Machismo Factor 3.

A man with Machismo Factor 5 is referred to as having "MA-CHEESE-MO."

Remedies for Low Machismo

A machismo of Factor 1 is a terminal condition; 100% of people with Machismo Factor 1 will die. For the remaining population, a low machismo level can be treated with a combination of the following courses of action:

  • Watch a good, conservative movie, such as the John Wayne Vietnam War classic, The Green Berets
  • Go to an All You Can Eat diner and eat everything
  • Trade in your Japanese or European automobile for a Ford F450. If asked by a tree hugger about its fuel efficiency, tell them that it is very quick under acceleration. [6]
  • If female, stop shaving your legs and take up an activity like weightlifting, bullfighting, or smoking cigars. Of course, while this may increase your masculinity, it'll also prove you're a hairy-legged feminazi.
  • Pretend to be a caveman. Take up survivalism. Amass huge quantities of police and rescue gear. Masturbate often to build your testosterone level.
  • Crush your enemies by launching wiki projects linking them to homosexuality, atheism, mass murder, abortion, pseudoscience and whatever else comes up on your word-of-the-day calendar. Note that your role should only be to initiate these projects, writing the actual articles should be left to sissy parodists.
  • Take The M Factor training course from DeMyer himself, at the reasonable price of $1000 per hour.[7] Undetermined number of courses needed. Progression through M Factor course and to higher Machismo rating requires geometrically stepped higher payments. Course may have unintended side effects including, but not exclusive to: psychosis, delusion, hallucination, diarrhea, hair growth in unusual places, the desire to live in your mom's basement and write about homosexuality on the internet for 16 hours per day, short sightedness, loss of muscle definition. Please read the label and seek medical advice before taking course.

Quantifying Machismo

Machismo = {GentFr \cdot Edits \cdot HotDogs \cdot HitPic \cdot Regards \over (LadyFr + 1) \cdot (1 - Chuck) }

where:

  • GentFr = number of gentleman friends with a machismo factor greater than 3
  • Edits = average number of separate edits needed to produce a coherent sentence
  • HotDogs = average number of Hot Dogs consumed per day
  • HitPic = number of Hitler pictures inserted into articles
  • Regards = number of occurences of the term "in/with regards to" per 1000 words posted
  • LadyFr = number of lady friends (including gentleman friends with a machismo factor less than three)
  • Chuck = 1 if you are Chuck Norris, 0 otherwise

Notable people, as measured by Machismo

Machismo factor 1

Machismo factor 2

  • Jon Stewart - liberal TV presenter, gains a point for being a baseball (good, American sport) fanatic
  • Bill Clinton - gets an extra point for being a Bubba, but really, how machismo can "I feel your pain" ever be?

Machismo factor 3

Machismo factor 4

Machismo factor 5

  • John Wayne
  • Jesus - the original manly-man, before Jesus there was no machismo
  • Ken DeMyer - discoverer of the link between machismo and political leanings
  • Andrew Schlafly - paragon of christian, conservative men the world over
  • The Village People - good upstanding manly men encouraging the listener to join the YMCA and the navy
  • Phyllis Schlafly - loses point for having been a woman - regains point for being Andrew Schlafly's mommy

Machismo factor 6

  • Chuck Norris - a level technically impossible to all other men

Machismo on RationalWiki

Footnotes

  1. sem·i·nal (adj.) 1. of, relating to, or consisting of semen
  2. Does Richard Dawkins have machismo?
  3. "I rarely think about the issue of homosexuality. When I do, it is generally only because the media covers it."
  4. Liberal wiki vandals lack machismo
  5. Ken DeMyer speculates that "Perhaps, if Richard Dawkins understood women better plus had machismo, he would still be married to his first wife!". Perhaps Dawkins could have avoided this by spending the past three years obsessively editing homosexuality related articles at a wikiimg of his choosing?
  6. Muscle cars are efficient, Andrew L Schlafly, 2010
  7. M factor coaching
  8. [1]img
  9. Retrieved from CP Mainpageright
Personal tools

Variants
Actions
Navigation
Community
Tools
support