Dog

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The domestic '''dog''' ''(canis lupus familiaris)'' is the most widely kept companion animal in human history, although more homes in America own cats.<ref>http://vetmedicine.about.com/cs/diseasesall/a/aa051303a.htm</ref> Dogs  are commonly referred to as "man's best friend," due to their versatility and their fawning nature, but they still have a lot of disgusting habits, like eating their own (and any other) shit, that aren't worth graphically describing (oops) or showing.
 
The domestic '''dog''' ''(canis lupus familiaris)'' is the most widely kept companion animal in human history, although more homes in America own cats.<ref>http://vetmedicine.about.com/cs/diseasesall/a/aa051303a.htm</ref> Dogs  are commonly referred to as "man's best friend," due to their versatility and their fawning nature, but they still have a lot of disgusting habits, like eating their own (and any other) shit, that aren't worth graphically describing (oops) or showing.
  
== History of canine domestication by man ==
+
== History of human domestication by dogs ==
 
{{cquote|'''Dog''', n.: Not a cat.|||''Blackadder III''}}
 
{{cquote|'''Dog''', n.: Not a cat.|||''Blackadder III''}}
 
[[File:Bucky.JPG|thumb|left|221px|Wook at his widdle face!!]]
 
[[File:Bucky.JPG|thumb|left|221px|Wook at his widdle face!!]]

Revision as of 16:03, 21 April 2012

So many people get reformed through religion. I got reformed through dogs.
—Lina Basquette, star of The Godless Girl,
who bred and judged Great Danes
after retiring from silent films


If you are a dyslexic agnostic, you might be looking for god.[1]
A common chihuahua gettin wuvved on cuz he's a good boy...yes he is

The domestic dog (canis lupus familiaris) is the most widely kept companion animal in human history, although more homes in America own cats.[2] Dogs are commonly referred to as "man's best friend," due to their versatility and their fawning nature, but they still have a lot of disgusting habits, like eating their own (and any other) shit, that aren't worth graphically describing (oops) or showing.

Contents

History of human domestication by dogs

Dog, n.: Not a cat.
Blackadder III
Wook at his widdle face!!

Modern dogs are generally believed to have genetically diverged from their wolf ancestors roughly 13,000 years ago[3]. It is not known whether this was a result of humans actively domesticating the wolf (artificial selection), or rather the result of evolutionary pressure that favored canines who were less frightened by, and therefore more willing to approach, humans (which would be natural selection). It is quite possible that it was a combination of both factors, with wolves being naturally selected to evolve into something similar to so-called "village dogs" that are domesticated but not really owned, before being selectively bred from there. In any event, the relationship between dogs and humans greatly improved the chances of survival for both and brought them together in the situation they are in now.

Over time, the selective breeding of canines by man has resulted in the many different breeds of dog that we know today.

Dogs (Canis lupus familiaris), gray wolves (C. lupus) and dingos (C. lupus dingo) are currently regarded as all being the same species. Red wolves (C. rufus) and coyotes (C. latrans) are currently regarded as different species, but all can interbreed and produce fertile offspring. It'll probably change again.

Cats dispute these theories, but have offered no evidence to support their beliefs and refuse all entreaties to debate the point logically, instead remaining generally aloof and condescending.

Vaccination woo

Canine Health Concern, a pet charity, has alleged that greedy drug companies and veterinarians have been trying to scare dog owners into vaccinating their pets more than necessary, warning that conditions such as epilepsy and autism may have developed in puppies as a result of over-vaccination. There is no real evidence to back up this claim, and other animal charities have found no link between the onset of these conditions and recommended pet vaccinations. They also maintain that these vaccinations have been thoroughly tested for safety and are vital to pets’ health.[4] Please have your dog vaccinated. Seriously.

Practical uses for dogs

A potentially useful canine
  • Beasts of burden
  • Being a suicide bomber
  • Carrying messages
  • Detecting explosives, drugs, and cadavers for law enforcement
  • Fighting the Red Baron
  • Guarding property and livestock
  • Herding livestock
  • Attacking random, innocent passerbys Keeping your home safe from evil liberals
  • Killing vermin
  • Letting us know that Timmy is stuck in a well/under a tractor
  • Pursuing and retrieving game for hunters
  • Providing assistance to the handicapped
  • Providing warmth on cold nights while camping (also known as "spooning")
  • Rescue operations
  • Smuggling drugs
  • They can be eaten for dinner
  • Tracking by scent
  • Transportation (such as dog sleds)
  • Cleaning up spilled food
  • excising infected tissue
  • Doing absolutely nothing to provide for itself yet somehow making you grow attached to it to a point you will spend a great deal of money on surgical procedures of dubious effectiveness and when it dies your family's collective heart will be broken. For those especially difficult with reality, an expensive funeral will be held and a yearly séance inviting the neighbors over to remember those precious times with Toto or Jeffrey or whatever and try to summon his soul to speak from beyond the grave.
  • Replacing with another dog

It shouldn't happen to a . . .

  • In 1998, two teenaged Boy Scout counsellors were fired for killing a dog. Unconfirmed reports suggest they had caught a stray, hung it by the neck from a tree, slit its throat and then pelted it with stones until it was dead. Alternative suggestions are that others hung the dog and the counsellors put it out of its misery or that the counsellors killed a stray dog that looked about to attack. Whatever happened was sufficiently serious to get the boys fired though. This wouldn't be newsworthy except for the fact that one of the teenagers was the youngest son of the then-first-term governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee, and that Da Guv allegedly used his influence to keep law enforcement from investigating the case.[5]
  • In 1983, Mitt Romney put his Irish setter in a dog carrier, strapped the dog carrier to the roof of the family station wagon, and started out on a twelve-hour drive from Massachusetts to Ontario for a family vacation. The cops pulled the Romneys as the poor dog brought to life the sayings "scared the shit out of him" and "the shit will fly" all along the freeway. Recently, the neologism "Romney" was created to mean "to defecate in terror."

Famous dogs

  • Argos, the faithful dog of Odysseus
  • Asta, real name Skippy, famous among classic movie and crossword puzzle aficionados
  • Balto
  • Becquerel, radioactive 413,000,000-year-old first guardian of earth tended to by garden gnostics. The character of god is believed to have originated as a corruption of witness testimony.
  • Beverly Hills Chihuahua
  • Brian Griffin of Family Guy
  • Buck Bundy of Married...With Children
  • Cerberus, the three-headed hound of Hades
  • Clifford the Big Red Dog
  • Deputy Dawg
  • Droopy
  • Fang
  • Gidget, the Taco Bell Chihuahua
  • Goliath
  • Goofy
  • Greyfriars Bobby
  • Hong Kong Phooey
  • Hooch
  • Huckleberry Hound
  • Jean, the first dog star in American silent movies, appeared in many pre-World War I Vitagraph Studio movies
  • K-9
  • Krypto
  • Laika
  • Lassie
  • Nahua Xolotl and Pek
  • Mike, of Down and Out in Beverly Hills
  • Eddie on Frasier (real name Moose)
  • Old Yeller
  • 101 Dalmations
  • Pete, the pit bull (with the circle drawn around his left eye) in the Little Rascals series
  • Pluto (Mickey's pet, not the god who owns Cerberus)
  • Rin-Tin-Tin
  • Santa's Little Helper
  • Saur, King of Norway
  • Scooby-Doo
  • Scrappy-Doo
  • Sirius
  • Sirius Black, sometimes
  • Snoop Dogg
  • Snoopy
  • Spuds MacKenzie
  • Teddy, used in many Keystone silent film comedies
  • That really freaky Chihuahua with bug eyes that was in that old Quizno's ad
  • The Lady
  • The Tramp
  • Their Kids
  • Tropey the Wonder Dog
  • Uga, the English bulldog mascot of the University of Georgia athletics teams

See also

Footnotes

  1. Well... actually, contrary to popular belief, words don't appear backwards to most people with dyslexia. Check out the other wiki for more information.
  2. http://vetmedicine.about.com/cs/diseasesall/a/aa051303a.htm
  3. 1000 Inventions and Discoveries, Roger Bridgman
  4. Daily Mail article: “Vaccines ‘are making our dogs sick as vets cash in’”
  5. Snopes.com article
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