Donald Trump

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Revision as of 16:40, 17 September 2013

Obama, you're fired. Not really.
History tells us that once a stupid rich man gets poor, he doesn't usually get rich again... unless he is Donald Trump.
—John Green
He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune. That man is Fred Trump – Donald's dad.
—Seth McFarlane

Donald Trump (born "Fuckface von Clownstick"[1]) is a successful (sic) entrepreneur,[2] "self-made"[3] millionaire, successful television personality known for firing people, and he dons one of the worst comb-overs in history. He was a possible contender for the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election for the Republican Party's nomination, so he could have run against Barack Obama.[4] Trump has been trolling the news media since the late eighties, and shows no signs of slowing down in the digital age.

Trump caused an uproar asking for Prez Obama's birth certificate[5] and also believes Bill Ayers wrote Obama's Dreams From My Father.[6] Nowadays, he poses as a right-winger, is pro-life and wants to toughen up America by keeping troops in Iraq, supports a 25% tariff on Chinese goods, and wants to eliminate the U.S. Department of Education. This is a substantial reversion of his earlier positions: Trump used to be pro-choice and has donated more than half a million dollars to Democrats over the last two decades, among them the right-wing's favorite bogeywoman Hillary Clinton.[7][8] Trump's ongoing business activities are also hard to reconcile with "conservative" positions: he owes a substantial portion of his wealth to his involvement in the gambling industry,[9] and his apparel line is manufactured in the very country that he wants to hit with punitive tariffs.[10]

Trump has no political experience, though has a good deal of business experience.[11] He is also probably the first presidential hopeful to use the word "fucking" in a speech, arguably raising his appeal amongst the Jersey Shore crowd.[12]

He dropped out of the race after the aforementioned speech, and went against his work ethic heavily endorsed on The Apprentice (don't give up!)

That said, and as a case of a stopped clock, even Trump, yes even Donald Trump, thinks Dick Cheney is a nasty piece of work, as he expressed after the aforementioned's memoir came out that the former Vice-President is too ruthless for even him.[13]

External links

Footnotes

  1. Somebody's mad.
  2. Who, as Lewis Black reminded us on the 23 March 2011 episode of The Daily Show, managed to bankrupt a casino with his name on it. You read that correctly. HE BANKRUPTED A CASINO!!!!!
  3. He received seed money from his multi-millionaire real estate developer father who was named -- this is a fact -- Frederick Christ Trump. Perhaps Freddy's parents stopped themselves from naming him Jesus Christ because that would give him too much of a superiority complex.
  4. Imagine the comedy material!
  5. http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/03/tea_partiers_rallying_in_dc_praise_donald_trumps_birther_stance_video.php
  6. http://www.aolnews.com/2011/03/31/donald-trump-claims-obamas-dreams-of-my-father-ghost-written/
  7. National Journal: Trump's flip-flop on abortion
  8. CNN: Trump has a long history of assisting Democrats
  9. Minus the money he lost in his CASINO BANKRUPTCIES, of course.
  10. Ed Brayton: Hypocrite of the Week: Donald Trump
  11. Did we mention that HE BANKRUPTED A CASINO? Well, we weren't completely accurate. He didn't bankrupt A casino. He bankrupted MULTIPLE CASINOS!!!!! And didn't just bankrupt them once. As of 2009, HE HAD BANKRUPTED HIS CASINOS THREE TIMES!!!!! Because, if there's any business where the owners can't control income and expenditures, and where cash flow is at a trickle, IT'S A CASINO!!!!!
  12. http://wonkette.com/444598/donald-trump-shouts-f-word-multiple-times-in-las-vegas-speech
  13. http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2011/09/02/310858/donald-trump-dick-cheneys-book-is-very-very-angry-and-nasty/
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