Bronze-level articleEve

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* Eve is often known in crossword puzzle circles as the "First Lady".
 
* Eve is often known in crossword puzzle circles as the "First Lady".
* The [[Mitochondrial Eve|real Eve]] lived around 150,000 years ago and every living human (that means you) can trace their matrilineal ancestry to her. She probably lived in Kenya in the Great Rift Valley.<ref name="test">[http://www.raceandhistory.com/cgi-bin/forum/webbbs_config.pl/noframes/read/665]</ref>
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* The [[Mitochondrial Eve|real Eve]] lived around 150,000 years ago and every living human (that means you) can trace their matrilineal ancestry to her. She probably lived in Kenya in the Great Rift Valley.<ref name="test">[http://www.raceandhistory.com/cgi-bin/forum/webbbs_config.pl/noframes/read/665 Some questions on Mitochondrial Eve.] It's Question 4, "Where in Africa?"</ref>
  
 
== See also ==
 
== See also ==

Revision as of 19:26, 15 October 2011

Hey kids, it's
time for some

Biblical figures

Icon bibfig.svg
Remember them from
Sunday school?

Eve went around naked with Adam in the Garden of Eden. And neither of them knew what to do about it till they’d got round to eating an apple. She is seen as a sex symbol and a temptress because she persuaded Adam to go and eat that apple. Men blame women if they find them desirable. Then women blame men if men desire them. You can’t win unless your gender is incredibly unclear, but we'll shoehorn you into one of the two anyway!

Eve is blamed for the Fall of Man and has been painted throughout time in a historical dualism as the evil sexually threatening side of woman with Mary (Mother of Jesus) as the good and pure side of woman. Why Eve should get the blame doesn't make much sense, as until she ate the apple, she couldn't possibly be held accountable for her actions as she did not yet know good and evil. God is an ass, especially in the Old Testament. At least he isn't arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.[1]

By following implications of the Ussher chronology, we find that Eve may have been the discoverer/first user of gold and silver, both of which first found around 4000 BC.[2][3] She may have also invented scales (perhaps to find out how many precious metals she had), but Adam probably made the first alcoholic beverages.Do You Believe That?

Contents

Physiology

  • Did Eve have a belly button?
  • If Eve really was made from Adam's rib (Genesis 2:21-2), she would have been an XY female. All XY females are sterile. There is no way, then, that Eve would have had any children sans magic. No wonder Eve said that she had gotten a child with the help of the Lord (Genesis 4:1): it would be impossible otherwise! Either way, since magic would be needed to explain all this, it already can't be taught in science class.

Inspiration

Why was Eve created? Well, it turns out that she only existed because God's original Plan Aleph (aleph is the first letter in the Hebrew alphabet) didn't really work out as He had hoped. The relevant text is shown below, based on the 1611 KJV but with the spelling and grammar modernized.

Genesis 2:7 God formed man out of dust and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. The man then became a living soul. 8 He then planted a garden in the east of Eden and put the man in it.

(Genesis 2:9-14 are just God planting the Garden of Eden and geographical clues to where it was.) Genesis 2:15 just restates 2:8. Genesis 2:16-7 is just God giving his instructions regarding not to eat from the tree. See the article on original sin for more about this. All in all, not relevant to the topic on hand.)

18 God then said to himself, "It's not good that the man is alone. I shall make him a suitable helper." 19 Therefore, He made every land animal and bird and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. 20 Adam gave names to all the animals. However, Adam didn't find any suitable helpers. 21 So God caused Adam to fall asleep. While he was asleep, He took out one of his ribs, and closed the cut. 22 He then made the rib into a woman and brought her to the man.

We can tell from reading this that the woman (which we see in Genesis 3:20 to be Eve) that Yahweh only made Eve because his initial plan (the animals) did not work. This is not simply a semantic quirk: the meaning remains the same between translations. This is the first instance of biblical sexism which we see: women only existed because of God's poor planning.

One YouTuber has made a good video on this very subject.

Family

  • Yahweh (Paternal grandfather, father)
  • Adam (Husband, arguably brother and/or father too)
  • Cain (Firstborn son)
  • Abel (Second son)
  • Seth (Third son)
  • Awan? (Daughter)
  • Azura? (Daughter)
  • Everyone else (Descendants)

The names "Awan" and "Azura" are from the Book of Jubilees, which is considered canon only in Ethiopia. Awan and Azura were Cain and Seth's wives, respectively.

Trivia

  • Eve is often known in crossword puzzle circles as the "First Lady".
  • The real Eve lived around 150,000 years ago and every living human (that means you) can trace their matrilineal ancestry to her. She probably lived in Kenya in the Great Rift Valley.[1]

See also

External links

A humorous video about Eve and the Fall.

Footnotess

  1. 1.0 1.1 The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins
  2. 1000 Inventions and Discoveries, Roger Bridgman
  3. Just the Facts: Inventions and Discoveries, School Specialty Publishing
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