France

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{{cquote|France is a beautiful country ruined by its inhabitants}}  
 
{{cquote|France is a beautiful country ruined by its inhabitants}}  
 
''Susan Garlick'' 1967, repeated often thereafter.
 
''Susan Garlick'' 1967, repeated often thereafter.
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The British electronic band Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark also wrote two songs about her - you know, the waltzy one with the bagpipes and all the drums, and the uhm other one.
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Dunno why they wrote two songs about her - one would have done....
  
 
==Footnotes==
 
==Footnotes==

Revision as of 20:17, 5 October 2008

Icon fun.svg For those of you in the mood, RationalWiki has a fun article about France.
France's national flag.

La belle France is a country in western Europe: it is populated by French ("cheese eating surrender monkeys") people, the national language is French, and it has French food (cheese, bread, snails), French houses, French cars, and other French stuff. It also has mimes. It has no French Fries or French Toast.

France is blessed with such tyrannical deceitful monstrosities as universal health care[1], a (relatively) high incidence of atheists, and a tendency to be a founding member of things such as the European Union and the United Nations. They also have a remarkable tendency to ignore other countries, a technique that the United States has borrowed and refined. French diplomacy is exemplified by the word: "non". France also suffers from race relations problems that would make the KKK jealous.

Contents

France at war

World War I

During the Battle of Belleau Wood, the Americans had to fight through the retreating French to get to the Germans. As the Marines were fighting their way through the retreating French, one of the French commanders asked Marine Lieutenant Lloyd Williams why he wasn't retreating. In response, the Marine replied, "Retreat, Hell! We just got here!"[2][3][4]

Persuasion

Most modern forms of torture were developed by the French in Indo-China (Paola Condor) and Algeria (Philippeville), where their soldiers proved their mettle at fighting opponents tied to a chair, although faring less well against those running around shooting back - a task traditionally left to the Foreign (i.e., not French) Legion, or to "Les Anglo-Saxons" as in Afghanistan - or France. (1940,1944)

Naval accomplishments

In 1985 French agents sank Geenpeace's ship Rainbow Warrior in Auckland, New Zealand where it was waiting for other ships and boats prior to sailing to Mururoa Atoll in the Pacific to protest French nuclear tests. One man was killed.[5] This naval victory represents more ships sunk by the French than at Trafalgar, the Nile, Quiberon Bay, Saint's Passage, Chesapeake Bay, Vigo, Glorious First of June, Finisterre, Ushant (First and Second), La Hogue, and the Second World War --- combined.

Blowing things up

France conducted its last atomic test[6] in 1996. France has never actually used its nuclear arsenal in anger. However, France's peacetime use of nuclear power is extensive.

Iraq War

To the disappointment of many Republicans, France strongly opposed Bush's Global War on Terrorism from the start. Like Germany, France did not sent troops to Iraq.

For this reason American Republicans didn't like France for a time and tried to rename French Fries to "Freedom Fries" as a punishment.

French traits

French people do not believe in bathing or showering, they would rather mask bodily odours. This explains their command of the perfume industry.

French women (and to a large extent, men) have a terrific sense of fashion, which explains why many fashion houses have grown and prospered there.

France has laws to maintain the "purity of the language".[7] [8]

French exports and inventions

At one time the words wine, whine and France were almost synonymous, but anywhere with a temperate climate can now out-produce them in both quantity and quality.

No, French fries weren't invented there. (That was Belgium.) Or croissants (Austria), but they did invent the largely defensive weapon of Guillotine.

Famous Francians

Important French people include:

  • André-Marie Ampère
  • Joan of Arc (does "Arc" count as a last name?)
  • Astérix
  • M. Bigot
  • Napoléon Bonaparte (not exactly French)
  • M. Chauvin
  • Marie and Pierre Curie (Marie Curie - born in Poland)
  • Georges-Auguste Escoffier
  • Marcel Marceau
  • Blaise Pascal
  • Louis Pasteur
  • Pepé Le Pew
  • Jean-Marie Le Pen
  • Jean-Paul Sartre
  • Zinedine Zidane

Joan of Arc

Joan of Arc, or Jeanne D'Arc as the French insist on misspelling her name, is the French national symbol of resistance to foreign tyranny. She was killed by the English after the French sold her to them.

France is a beautiful country ruined by its inhabitants

Susan Garlick 1967, repeated often thereafter.

The British electronic band Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark also wrote two songs about her - you know, the waltzy one with the bagpipes and all the drums, and the uhm other one.

Dunno why they wrote two songs about her - one would have done....

Footnotes

  1. The French have a strange obsession with delivering medicaments per anum: suppositories are the favoured method of delivery.
  2. http://shootingmessengers.blogspot.com/2007/06/retreat-hell-we-just-got-here.html
  3. http://www.usmchangout.com/usmc/misc/quotes.htm
  4. http://www.usmchangout.com/usmc/misc/quotes.htm
  5. BBC report on Rainbow Warrior
  6. France & The Bomb
  7. France - French Language Law
  8. Workplace language law
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