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For President in 2012 pick Cthulhu. Why vote for the lesser of two evils?
According to its worshippers, Cthulhu will one day arise from the depths and destroy the world. He should not be confused with any other deities that have made similar promises. Cthulhu was Channelled by the author H.P. Lovecraft. Cthulhu is notable for the fact that most people who make Cthulhu references probably never read any H.P. Lovercraft. He lives in the sunken city of R'lyeh, home of the mysterious Bloop detected by sonar in 1997, right where Lovecraft said it would be.
By the way, if "Cthulhu" looks difficult to pronounce, it's supposed to. Lovecraft intended the name to represent the indescribable gutteral bubblings of a ghastly being, the unspeakable sonic terrors of which could never hope to be accurately imitated by the mortal human vocal tract. However if you vomit and sneeze at the same time, you're probably getting close.
If someone appears to have suddenly lost their mental facilities, it is possible they either made psychic contact with Cthulhu, saw Cthulhu, or were otherwise influenced by Cthulhu. This phenomenon is known as Cthulhudiddit. However, Great Cthulhu states that Glenn Beck is not an example of Cthulhudiddit.
WWCD is an acronym for "What would Cthulhu Do?" When confronting a difficult problem, it is useful to pause and think "What would Cthulhu do?" The answer in all circumstances is, of course, "Drive everyone mad and eat them." The Campus Crusade for Cthulhu ("It found Me!") is sometimes credited for WWCD's coinage.
- I Cthulhu, or, What’s a Tentacle-Faced Thing Like Me Doing in a Sunken City Like This (Latitude 47 ° 9’ S, Longitude 126 ° 43’ W)? (autobiographical, ed. Gaiman, Neil) (1986)
- Rebooted Hollywood Rom-Coms Starring Cthulhu
Some Cthulhu-themed carols
Share the dread! Next December, gather a group of carolers and sing some of these to your neighbors:
- All I Want for Solstice is My Sanity
- Awake Ye Scary Great Old Ones
- Away in a Madhouse
- Carol of the Old Ones
- Death to the World
- Go Summon Up the Dead Ones
- Great Old Ones Are Coming to Town
- I saw mommy kissing Yog-Sothoth
- I'm Dreaming of a Dead City
- It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Fishmen
- It's the Most Horrible Time of the Year
- Oh Come All Ye Old Ones
- Silent Night, Blasphemous Night