Glenn Beck

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[[Mike Malloy]], a crazy-assed [[liberal talk radio#Mike Malloy|liberal talk radio]] host based out of "the foothills of north [[Georgia]]", has put Mr. Beck on a suicide watch.  Mr. Malloy has also opined that Mr. Beck, ideally, should do it on live television.
 
[[Mike Malloy]], a crazy-assed [[liberal talk radio#Mike Malloy|liberal talk radio]] host based out of "the foothills of north [[Georgia]]", has put Mr. Beck on a suicide watch.  Mr. Malloy has also opined that Mr. Beck, ideally, should do it on live television.
  
==Not Understanding the Constitution==
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==Not understanding the Constitution==
  
 
Recently Mr. Beck decided to go and read his beloved Constitution, and found this line in Section 1 Article 9:
 
Recently Mr. Beck decided to go and read his beloved Constitution, and found this line in Section 1 Article 9:
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<blockquote>"The migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each person."<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0cm0QUUlAk msnbc's Keith Olbermann comments on Glenn Beck's inability to differentiate between slavery and immigration]</ref></blockquote>
 
<blockquote>"The migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each person."<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0cm0QUUlAk msnbc's Keith Olbermann comments on Glenn Beck's inability to differentiate between slavery and immigration]</ref></blockquote>
  
He believed it referred to a tax on immigration, and said so on his show. The quoted article from the Constitution is in fact referring to the transportation of slaves in to the states - as anyone with the reading comprehension skills of [[goat]] would know.
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He believed it referred to a tax on immigration, and said so on his show. The quoted article from the Constitution is in fact referring to the transportation of slaves into the states - as anyone with the reading comprehension skills of [[goat]] would know.
  
 
==Footnotes==
 
==Footnotes==

Revision as of 02:44, 11 October 2009

Isn't Expelled like the greatest movie ever? The New York Times hates it, so it must be good.
—Glenn Beck.[1]

Glenn Beck is a batshit crazy right-wing blatherer "commentator" on the Fox News cartoon channel where he presents the eponymous Glenn Beck Show. He has his own radio show and originally appeared on CNN's Headline News until viewers couldn't take it anymore.

Like others on Fox and Clear Channel, Beck is, was, and remains a strong supporter of the war in Iraq, and presents evidence that we'll win any day now. Unlike other right-wing commentators such as Neal Boortz, Beck correctly signaled what any kid with a high school economics course already knew, that the US economy could not sustain the trickle-down Reaganomics on a Chinese credit card. Showing that even a broken clock is correct twice a day.

Beck, a former alcoholic and current Mormon moron moronic Mormon admits that he used to be imperfect, but since he discovered that all the world's woes are the fault of liberals, leftists, centrists, progressives, fake Republicans, or real Democrats, he is now perfect and able to bestow his wisdom upon us.

Glenn Beck's favorite book is The Five Thousand Year Leap by fellow Mormon author W. Cleon Skousen who is also the author of a series of tomes purporting to be a comprehensive history of the world through the lens of Mormon theology: The First Two Thousand Years, The Third Thousand Years, and The Fourth Thousand Years. (Essentially a Mormon version of this). The theme of The Five Thousand Year Leap appears to be that more human progress took place at once because of the Founding Fathers of the United States and their God-fearing worldview than in the previous 4000 years.

Glenn Beck also started stirring up controversy when he stated that John McCain would do more harm to the country than Barack Obama, and even stating he would have rather voted for Hillary Clinton.[2]

Contents

Global warming - due to Beck's hot air, not CO2

It is part of the Beck credo that global warming is a conspiracy and a figment of Al Gore's imagination and liberals' greedy desire to step in and save the world from Bushism. Beck dedicated an hour show to 'proving' global warming does not exist. He also insists that evolution is another plot promulgated upon the world by scientists. His favorite movie is Ben Stein's Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed which he repeatedly promotes. Fortunately, he has stopped short of complete wingnuttery by devoting part of one episode of his show to debunking the FEMA concentration camp conspiracy theory.

Scary shit

  • Tears flow easily from Beck's face, and he is known for his emotional breakdowns, more-often-than-not live on air.[3] There are three explanations for this: 1) He genuinely does love his country and fears for it in the most passionate of ways; 2) He is cynically exploiting the people who love America more than their own children; 3) Beck is emotionally unstable. Place your bets now, please. Recently (October 2009) leaked video showed Glenn Beck using Vicks Vapo-Rub under his eyes to create fake tears.
  • Beck also has a bizarrely short temper. While talking to someone (who remained quite calm and amicable given the circumstances) on a radio show, he lost it completely and had what can be best described as a hissy fit. Beck and the other presenter then blamed the caller for being in the wrong. Nice.[4]
  • Beck has failed to respond to allegations [5] made in his own slander-first-proof-never style.
  • Glenn Beck appears, for all intents and purposes, to be growing increasingly delusional as his viewer base increases. In one of his latest clips he identifies several pieces of "communist art" hiding in plain sight in NYC.[6]

Suicide watch

Mike Malloy, a crazy-assed liberal talk radio host based out of "the foothills of north Georgia", has put Mr. Beck on a suicide watch. Mr. Malloy has also opined that Mr. Beck, ideally, should do it on live television.

Not understanding the Constitution

Recently Mr. Beck decided to go and read his beloved Constitution, and found this line in Section 1 Article 9:

"The migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each person."[7]

He believed it referred to a tax on immigration, and said so on his show. The quoted article from the Constitution is in fact referring to the transportation of slaves into the states - as anyone with the reading comprehension skills of goat would know.

Footnotes

  1. However, the New York Times also showed his book, An Inconvenient Book, at the top of its "Best Seller" list. Using admittedly terrible logic, Beck's book must be utter shite.
  2. Washington Post, 22 September 2009
  3. The Daily Show - Moment of Zen, Glenn Beck
  4. Glenn Back loses it - genuinely scary stuff.
  5. Glenn Beck Allegations Website
  6. pretty crazy really
  7. msnbc's Keith Olbermann comments on Glenn Beck's inability to differentiate between slavery and immigration
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