Heaven

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According to [[Christianity]], while one is in "heaven", one can do nothing but constantly and mindlessly worship the Christian [[god]]. It would appear that [[hell]], with its complete lack of god, would be infinitely superior. Luckily for us, neither heaven nor hell are real, so we do not have to make the choice between these two.
 
According to [[Christianity]], while one is in "heaven", one can do nothing but constantly and mindlessly worship the Christian [[god]]. It would appear that [[hell]], with its complete lack of god, would be infinitely superior. Luckily for us, neither heaven nor hell are real, so we do not have to make the choice between these two.
  
Also according to the [[Summa Theologica]] one of the ways of having a good time in heaven is to watch people being tortured in hell.  And everyone in heaven shall see those being tortured and none of them will either pity torture victims or be outraged by torture. Also no one in heaven will have any emotions "except by reason's choice".  <ref>[http://www.newadvent.org/summa/5094.htm Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica Part 2 Q94]</ref>
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Also according to traditional [[Christianity]], heaven is worse than hell because of the company.  According to the [[Summa Theologica]] (and hence most traditional Christian thought), one of the ways of having a good time in heaven is to watch people being tortured in hell.  And everyone in heaven shall see those being tortured and none of them will either pity torture victims or be outraged by torture. Also no one in heaven will have any emotions "except by reason's choice".  So Heaven is full of people who think that watching others get tortured is something to take pleasure in.<ref>[http://www.newadvent.org/summa/5094.htm Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica Part 2 Q94]</ref>
  
Sarcastically, heaven has been defined as:
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Further along these lines, heaven has been defined as:
 
:::''A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.'' <REF> Bierce, Ambrose,  ''The Devil's Dictionary'', Castle Books, NY, 1967 </REF>
 
:::''A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.'' <REF> Bierce, Ambrose,  ''The Devil's Dictionary'', Castle Books, NY, 1967 </REF>
  
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==Paradise==
 
==Paradise==
[[Islam]] teaches that righteous Muslims go to Paradise or "Jannah" when they die.  A common western misconception is that men get very pleasant sexual rewards in Paradise - in fact they get two wives and a hundred concubines,<ref>[http://www.livingislam.org/fiqhi/sp2-gfh_e.html#9 Wives and concubines]</ref> (or more accurately [[Houri]]) which sounds a bit like hard work.
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[[Islam]] teaches that good Muslims go to Paradise or "Jannat" when they die.  A common western misconception is that men get very pleasant sexual rewards in Paradise - in fact they get two wives and a hundred concubines,<ref>[http://www.livingislam.org/fiqhi/sp2-gfh_e.html#9 Wives and concubines]</ref> (or more accurately [[Houri]]) which sounds a bit like hard work.
  
 
The hundred concubines may not be real women though, but "Houri", who are apparently designed for men's sexual pleasures. They are always virgins and their sexual relationship with men does not affect their virginity.  Furthermore they do not get older than thirty-three years of age.<ref>[http://islamidiot.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/the-content-of-the-quran-iii/ Houri]</ref> As with all passages from [[holy book]]s there are [[fundamentalist | some believers]] who take them more literally than others.
 
The hundred concubines may not be real women though, but "Houri", who are apparently designed for men's sexual pleasures. They are always virgins and their sexual relationship with men does not affect their virginity.  Furthermore they do not get older than thirty-three years of age.<ref>[http://islamidiot.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/the-content-of-the-quran-iii/ Houri]</ref> As with all passages from [[holy book]]s there are [[fundamentalist | some believers]] who take them more literally than others.

Revision as of 23:43, 13 October 2012

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Heaven is the reversed spelling of "Nevaeh", a common girls' name. The name is intended to promote a life of frustrated abstinence and a "holier than thou" attitude problem.

Due to the personalities of these women, modern Christians have appropriated the reversed spelling to name the palace they think they will live in after they die. In their religion, heaven is a place where nothing ever happens. It sits atop the giant, solid dome we call "the sky."[1]

Contents

Why heaven would be worse than hell (if it existed)

According to Christianity, while one is in "heaven", one can do nothing but constantly and mindlessly worship the Christian god. It would appear that hell, with its complete lack of god, would be infinitely superior. Luckily for us, neither heaven nor hell are real, so we do not have to make the choice between these two.

Also according to traditional Christianity, heaven is worse than hell because of the company. According to the Summa Theologica (and hence most traditional Christian thought), one of the ways of having a good time in heaven is to watch people being tortured in hell. And everyone in heaven shall see those being tortured and none of them will either pity torture victims or be outraged by torture. Also no one in heaven will have any emotions "except by reason's choice". So Heaven is full of people who think that watching others get tortured is something to take pleasure in.[2]

Further along these lines, heaven has been defined as:

A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own. [3]

As an additional note: Have you seen the people who claim to be securely destined for Heaven? Would you want to spend eternity with them?

Heaven, in reality

  • Heaven... is a place... a place... where nothing... nothing ever happens.[4] No! that's not true, warfare will happen at least once, see (Revelations 19:14). [5] [6]

Paradise

Islam teaches that good Muslims go to Paradise or "Jannat" when they die. A common western misconception is that men get very pleasant sexual rewards in Paradise - in fact they get two wives and a hundred concubines,[7] (or more accurately Houri) which sounds a bit like hard work.

The hundred concubines may not be real women though, but "Houri", who are apparently designed for men's sexual pleasures. They are always virgins and their sexual relationship with men does not affect their virginity. Furthermore they do not get older than thirty-three years of age.[8] As with all passages from holy books there are some believers who take them more literally than others.

A conversation between a Guardian journalist and a failed female suicide bomber went as follows:

  • Guardian: According to the Koran, male martyrs are welcomed to paradise by 72 beautiful virgins; and women martyrs?
  • FFSB: A woman martyr will be the person in charge, the manager, the officer of the 72 virgins, the fairest of the fair.[9]

Other views see the Islamic paradise as a direct equivalent to the Sugar Mountain offered by most religions and understand that the 50 virgins thing is a myth.

See also

External links

Footnotes

  1. Paul H. Seely, The Firmament and the Water Above Part I: The Meaning of raqiaà in Gen 1:6-8
  2. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica Part 2 Q94
  3. Bierce, Ambrose, The Devil's Dictionary, Castle Books, NY, 1967
  4. Talking Heads (David Byrne), Heaven, on Fear of Music
  5. The Bible and Heaven
  6. Revelations 19:14
  7. Wives and concubines
  8. Houri
  9. Guardian interview with female suicide bomber
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