Kirk Cameron

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Revision as of 06:53, 31 August 2010

Kirk Cameron looking happy. Ray Comfort's penis not shown.

Kirk Cameron is a sanctimonious, obnoxious fucknut and a washed-up former child T.V. star, and like many such former child stars has grown up to become a dysfunctional adult. However, while many merely become addicted to drugs or do porn, Cameron has found a worse fate: being a sidekick to Ray Comfort and being a hope dope dealer.

He claims he used to be an atheist.[1]

Contents

Why he's famous

Before finding Jesus, Kirk Cameron played Mike Seaver, the oldest child on the domestic sitcom Growing Pains (1985-92). Since his character was the most obnoxious of the four Seaver siblings, he quickly wrested lead actor status away from Alan Thicke, who played the father.

How to piss off employers and alienate co-workers

In 1987, Kirk[2] became a growing pain in the ass after he found Jeebus, alienated the rest of the cast and pissed off the production staff.[3] During the 1989-90 season, he got the producers to fire recurring guest star Julie McCullough, who played Mike's girlfirend, because she'd posed in Playboy.[4] Their characters were slated to be married before the cast's seven-year contracts ended in 1992. The regulars forgave him, eventually. Kirk never sought forgiveness from McCullough, and she still is staunchly critical of him, now that he's a nutter.[5]


In July 1991, just prior to the final season of Growing Pains, Kirk married his girlfriend Chelsea Noble whom he'd met in 1989 when she was a guest star on the show.[6] They found that they had something in common.[7] During the final season, his new wife joined the cast as Mike's girlfriend.[8] They have costarred in many projects, including all of the Left Behind films.[9]

Cameron has reportedly given up several film roles because he thinks he will go to hell if he smooches with any woman other than his wife, even on screen.[10] When he starred in the megachurch propaganda flick, Fireproof, the filmmakers had to bring in Mrs. Cameron for a body double during a kissing scene.

More recently

Kirk now operates a snake oil roadshow video ministry with Comfort titled Way of the Master. They happily make fools of themselves wherever they go. They have several routines including the banana fallacy and the one where he totally defeats his own argument during live debates with his "Croco-Duck."[11] (He repeated this on Bill O'Reilly).[12]

He occasionally guest stars on mainstream TV series; even fundies have to make money.

Family life

He and Noble adopted four children -- born in 1996, 1997, 1998 and 2000 -- before procreating in 2001 and 2003.[13]

External links

Footnotes

  1. Considering how many atheists used to be Christians, this may be true.
  2. "Kirk" is Scottish for "church." Just a coincidence -- or is it?
  3. During one interview, he called the executive producers "pornographers" because of certain storylines.
  4. She also opposed Kirk's growing zealotry.
  5. Her thoughts on his nonsense on her myspace
  6. Noble appeared in one episode from early in the season -- the same season in which McCullough was hired and fired.
  7. It certainly wasn't age. When they met in 1989, he was 18, she was 24.
  8. Oooooh, that's why he got McCullough fired! (There's nobody as devious as a horny Christian with a plan.)
  9. If you can watch more than five minutes, try to invent a Left Behind drinking game so the rest of us can get through them.
  10. http://www.vcstar.com/news/2008/sep/26/wisdom/
  11. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0DdgSDan9c - at the four minute mark
  12. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az8k0uzQ6sA&feature=related
  13. Not that anyone wondered why these two seemingly healthy, fertile fundies weren't producing their own biological children. How much time does he spend with "Banana Man" Ray?
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