List of mistakes made by God
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| − | + | Below is a list of slip-ups that the so-called "perfect" [[God]] of [[Christianity|Christian]], [[Judaism|Jewish]], and [[Islam]]ic [[faith]] has made. | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | == God's mistakes in roughly chronological order == | |
| − | + | *Creating [[Satan]] and not keeping a close eye on him<ref>This may or may not be a mistake from a maker's point of view as it is indistinguishable from contracting out all the <s>evil</s> bad results and making Satan the scapegoat.</ref>. | |
| − | + | *Creating female counterparts for all the males of each species, yet forgetting to make a female [[human]] until at least a day later. | |
| − | does | + | *Creating [[Eve]] out of Adam's rib, rather than out of thin air like his [[omnipotence|omnipotent]] self. First, the poor guy's missing a rib for the rest of his life. Second, Eve was then made out of Adam, so all love from then on out was reduced to narcissism, and all human [[sex]] and procreation reduced to [[masturbation]].<ref>To be fair, it can be argued that any method of creating Eve sequentially after Adam will suffer similar problems: creating Eve out of thin air → human sex is sex with air (similar to masturbation); Creating Eve from dirt just like Adam → Human sex is then self pleasuring with sex toys, with the catch that the sex toys themselves can become pregnant.</ref> |
| − | not | + | *Being unable to find Adam in the [[Garden of Eden]]. He also didn't realise that Adam and Eve had [[Original sin|eaten the forbidden fruit]] until they complained that they were [[naked]]. Evidently, this God doesn't know everything. |
| − | make | + | *Having to ask [[Cain]] where [[Abel]] was. Omniscient, indeed. |
| − | mistakes | + | *Letting things on Earth get so out of hand that he had to [[Global flood|wipe the slate]] and start over.<ref>Although this could be chalked up to giving humans the [[Free will|free will]] to get out of hand.</ref> |
| + | *While he's wiping the slate, He simply refuses to wipe the slate totally clean. He has to save Noah and family for the next round of inbreeding, instead of re-creating humanity from scratch. This leads to the next round of wiping the slate known as the {{wpl|Great Tribulation}} or {{wpl|Islamic_eschatology|Yawm ad-Din}}. | ||
| + | *Due to that aforementioned wiping of the slate, the unleashing of an ecological holocaust unlike anything the earth will ever see again. | ||
| + | *Going nuts because of the Tower of Babel, but doing nothing about [[WP:Burj_Dubai | this tower]], topping at 2,684 ft. | ||
| + | *Being unable to tell the first-born Hebrew kids from the first-born Egyptian kids, requesting a slap of blood on the doors as a friendly reminder. | ||
| + | *In {{bible|Jeremiah|18|4}}, God admits he screwed up in making man, calling into question whether we're responsible for our own sin. ("The vessel was marred in the potter's hand.") | ||
| + | *Fathering a son through an [[Mary (mother of Jesus)|engaged virgin]] (secretly, and without any prior notice to her fiancé) [[Actions punishable by death in the Old Testament|in open defiance to the laws he himself set]] back in {{bible|Deuteronomy|22|25}}<ref>If [[Trinity]] is true then yes, Jesus who is God is put to death. No word on how Mary is "punished", in that case.</ref>, and expecting her to be honored. As a [[virgin]], this would have been the most painful childbirth in history, where the hymen was broken not by being pushed in, but by being pulled apart by the expansion of the uterus.<ref>That, or it is not painful at all since she is not tainted with the original sin. However, it is not clear why the omnipotent God did not do that (immaculate conception) to other people to stop them from being tainted with the original sin as well.</ref> | ||
| + | *Writing the [[Old Testament]] and then having to send his Only Begotten Son down to revise it, leaving everyone thoroughly confused. | ||
| + | *Still failing to get his message across properly even after his [[Jesus|Only Begotten Son]] had come and gone,<ref>Despite the attempt to lock the discussion with [[RationalWiki:Annotated_Bible/Revelation#Revelation 22:18|Revelation 22:18-19]]</ref> meaning that a few hundred years later he had to get some messenger call Gabriel to dictate<ref>Just utter brilliance to have things lost in translation somewhere in the middle.</ref> Version 3.0<ref>Or Version 4.0 (revision control was a mess back then), since you have the Tawrat(Torah), Zabur(Psalms), Injil(Gospels), and [[Qur'an]] as the holy books according to the view of Islam.</ref> to some bloke called [[Mohammed]]. | ||
| + | *Telling us (through clergies) that we will be judged on how we decide to act in life, while designing the world around the idea that how we decide to act has been [[Predestination|predetermined]]. | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Worldbuilding fail == | ||
| + | |||
| + | * Bangladesh. A large patch of extremely rich, low-lying, well-watered soil, at a relatively low latitude and with a warm climate, suitable for year-round cultivation: I'm down with that kind of intelligent design. Mad props to Allah. But, really -- to put it in hurricane country, all within a few metres of sea level, at the tip of a triangular funnel of ocean that does for hurricane storm surges what the Bay of Fundy does for the tide, and at the top of a long, gently inclining seabed that's just about perfectly shaped to maximize wave heights? ''That'' sounds more like mean-drunk design to me. | ||
| + | * California. The day will come when we'll all be swimming in Arizona Bay.<ref>Humor courtesy of the late, great Bill Hicks. But then you already knew that, didn't you.</ref> | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating humans == | ||
| + | * Physical birth defects and [[intersex]] conditions. | ||
| + | *Aging, which is quite literally caused by a biological error in cells. | ||
| + | * Placement of the [[male]] external genitalia in a rather ''easy to attack'' position (unless it was deliberate to allow women easy retaliation). | ||
| + | * And on the subject of genitalia... why are the same members that are used for body waste excretion also used for [[sex|the most fun and interesting activities that humans can engage in]]? And why is a man's [[G spot]] in his [[anus]] if [[anal sex]] is forbidden by God? | ||
| + | * Not being able to correctly calculate the number of teeth necessary to fill the average adult human mouth.<ref>For the argument that it is an adaptive design, the excessive probability that the teeth will grow in an incorrect direction which usually requires medical intervention.</ref> | ||
| + | * Use of a particularly inefficient system when making the vertebrate eye. | ||
| + | * Error in testosterone management system which consequently makes many men go bald.<ref>Or if going bald is better in any way, Error in testosterone management system which consequently makes many other men have hair.</ref> | ||
| + | * Giving humans appendixes, which occasionally swell up and try to kill their owners. | ||
| + | * The provision of a really bad, sometimes lethal, system of giving birth. (Though it may not have been so bad at first - He deliberately made it more painful to cruelly [[punishment|punish]] all women for the [[original sin]] thing.) | ||
| + | * Failure to provide a system to synthesize vitamin C (or the failure in design that humans need vitamin C to begin with). | ||
| + | * Drinking and laughing at the same time - makes the drink come out of the person's nose. Or potentially choke the victim of such a lousy design. | ||
| + | * Human back - seems to cause a disproportionate number of problems which is usually followed by [[drugs|Vicodin]] addiction. | ||
| + | * Reaction to cold virus: stop up the nose so a person cannot breathe. Brilliant design, that! | ||
| + | * Auto-immune disorders, cause we all know we are our own worst enemy. | ||
| + | * The inability to operate at anything like an adequate efficiency without regular and lengthy periods of sleep. | ||
| + | * Body hair | ||
| + | * Hangnails | ||
| + | * [[w|Referred pain]]. You might actually be having a potentially fatal heart attack. Unfortunately your body is telling you have pain in your shoulder, neck or left arm. | ||
| + | * [[Cancer]] | ||
| + | *{{w|Oncogene}}s - genes that exist solely to give us cancer. | ||
| + | *Memory -- or, why can you remember exactly where you were on [[9/11]], but you can't remember where you laid down your keys five minutes ago? | ||
| + | * The ulnar nerve -- aka, "funny bone" -- is located on the outside of the elbow joint. Thanks to this placement, if you bang your elbow against a hard surface, you will feel like you were stabbed in the elbow. Bang this nerve hard enough and you may lose the use of your fingers. | ||
| + | * [[Dog]]s and [[cat]]s can lick their backs, feet, legs, bellies, butts and crotches. So why can't we? What makes them so special? | ||
| + | * Humans will pass out at 12 Gs, and will die at 18 Gs. Cockroaches can survive 120 Gs! How come those creepy crawlers are harder to kill than us! | ||
| + | * And while we're at it, why can't we rotate our heads more than 180 degrees? An owl can twist its head almost 360 degrees! It's not like an owl needs to back up a car or keep track of high-spirited children! | ||
| + | * Other primates have nostrils that face forward, making it impossible for them swim face down. Human nostrils point down, so we can swim. So why don't we come with a persistent and innate ability to swim rather than just a primitive reflex that we quickly lose? Or at least tread water? Does God like to see His children drown?<ref>Judging from the [[Great Flood]] story and the Exodus, the answer to this last question is a definite "yes."</ref> | ||
| + | * Intoxicants: Pleasurable (good); addictive, DTs, can diminish your inhibitions to the point you might harm yourself and/or others, potentially harmful to your health, possibly lethal (bad). So, (a) why create them in the first place; and (b) why make them so pleasurable and addictive? | ||
| + | * And why are so many other things -- food, sex, shopping, etc. -- addictive? | ||
| + | * And what the hell is up with OCD, bipolar disorder, [[schizophrenia]], dyslexia, [[wp:aphasia|aphasia]], etc.? | ||
| + | * [[Homosexuality]] (if you view it from a [[Homophobia|fundamentalist viewpoint]]). If it's so wrong, why does the almighty allow it to exist<ref>Unless of course, homosexual acts are independent from homosexuality, as suggested by [[Larry Craig]] and [[Ted Haggard]]</ref>? | ||
| + | * [[Paris Hilton]] | ||
| + | * Only two physical sexes (intersex people aside), and (most) people stay in one of them throughout life? Surely a supernally intelligent being could think up something more interesting than ''that''. | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating other animals == | ||
| + | [[Image:Platypus.jpg|thumb|A prime example of [[Fun:unintelligent design|unintelligent design]].]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | * Not giving whales or dolphins gills, so they have to surface in order to breathe. | ||
| + | * The emu's wing is a spectacularly unnecessary appendage. Ditto the ostrich and kiwi. | ||
| + | ** The extinct moas had no wings at all. Which means, He toyed with the idea, but backpedaled. | ||
| + | * One word: ''platypus'' | ||
| + | ** OK, a few more words: The platypus, which looks like a beaver with a duck's bill, is questionable but acceptable. But why do the males -- and only the males -- have venomous spurs on their heels? Now that's just freaky! And let's not even GO into the genetics of bird, reptile and mammal. Or the fact they lay eggs. | ||
| + | * Giving bats solid bones, which are difficult to fly with, and giving emus hollow bones, which are easier to fly with, now that is opposite of what is required. | ||
| + | * Giving mammals a nerve that runs from the brain to the larynx via the aortic arch - which doesn't seem like ''too much'' of an out-of-the-way trip until you look at a giraffe. There is good reason to believe that the same recurrent laryngeal nerve would have been shared by dinosaurs which would include the sauropod dinosaurs, in Supersaurus it could have been longer than 28 meters (92 feet). | ||
| + | * Various entomological tragedies towards males in copulation, such such as the [[wp:Drone_(bee)#Mating_and_the_drone_reproductive_organ|testicular explosion and death of male honey bees]] and the [[wp:Praying_mantis#Reproduction_and_life_history|sexual cannibalism among praying mantises]]. | ||
| + | |||
| + | Of course, all of this is perfectly compatible with intelligent design when you reflect that one of the common manifestation of intelligence is a sense of humor. | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Potential conclusion == | ||
| + | |||
| + | In view of God's proclivity for what may be described as manufacturing defects (see above), his stunning time overruns (4.5 billion years to complete a 6-day job?), and the plain evidence that humanity was developed by a low bidder, we can reasonably conclude that the most likely explanation is that God is a government contractor. | ||
| + | |||
| + | == See also == | ||
| + | [[Image:Emu.PNG|thumb|right|150px|Can you even ''see'' the wing of this Emu?]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | *[[Old Testament oddities]] | ||
| + | *[[Fun:Unintelligent design|Unintelligent design]] | ||
| + | *[[Douglas Adams|Who is this God person anyway?]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | ==External Links== | ||
| + | |||
| + | *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEl9kVl6KPc Neil deGrasse Tyson explains some of God's biggest mistakes.] | ||
| + | |||
| + | ==Footnotes== | ||
| + | <references/> | ||
| + | |||
| + | [[Category:Lists]] | ||
| + | [[Category:Biblical errancy]] | ||
Revision as of 16:31, 20 May 2014
Below is a list of slip-ups that the so-called "perfect" God of Christian, Jewish, and Islamic faith has made.
Contents |
God's mistakes in roughly chronological order
- Creating Satan and not keeping a close eye on him[1].
- Creating female counterparts for all the males of each species, yet forgetting to make a female human until at least a day later.
- Creating Eve out of Adam's rib, rather than out of thin air like his omnipotent self. First, the poor guy's missing a rib for the rest of his life. Second, Eve was then made out of Adam, so all love from then on out was reduced to narcissism, and all human sex and procreation reduced to masturbation.[2]
- Being unable to find Adam in the Garden of Eden. He also didn't realise that Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit until they complained that they were naked. Evidently, this God doesn't know everything.
- Having to ask Cain where Abel was. Omniscient, indeed.
- Letting things on Earth get so out of hand that he had to wipe the slate and start over.[3]
- While he's wiping the slate, He simply refuses to wipe the slate totally clean. He has to save Noah and family for the next round of inbreeding, instead of re-creating humanity from scratch. This leads to the next round of wiping the slate known as the Great Tribulation[wp] or Yawm ad-Din[wp].
- Due to that aforementioned wiping of the slate, the unleashing of an ecological holocaust unlike anything the earth will ever see again.
- Going nuts because of the Tower of Babel, but doing nothing about this tower, topping at 2,684 ft.
- Being unable to tell the first-born Hebrew kids from the first-born Egyptian kids, requesting a slap of blood on the doors as a friendly reminder.
- In Jeremiah 18:4, God admits he screwed up in making man, calling into question whether we're responsible for our own sin. ("The vessel was marred in the potter's hand.")
- Fathering a son through an engaged virgin (secretly, and without any prior notice to her fiancé) in open defiance to the laws he himself set back in Deuteronomy 22:25[4], and expecting her to be honored. As a virgin, this would have been the most painful childbirth in history, where the hymen was broken not by being pushed in, but by being pulled apart by the expansion of the uterus.[5]
- Writing the Old Testament and then having to send his Only Begotten Son down to revise it, leaving everyone thoroughly confused.
- Still failing to get his message across properly even after his Only Begotten Son had come and gone,[6] meaning that a few hundred years later he had to get some messenger call Gabriel to dictate[7] Version 3.0[8] to some bloke called Mohammed.
- Telling us (through clergies) that we will be judged on how we decide to act in life, while designing the world around the idea that how we decide to act has been predetermined.
Worldbuilding fail
- Bangladesh. A large patch of extremely rich, low-lying, well-watered soil, at a relatively low latitude and with a warm climate, suitable for year-round cultivation: I'm down with that kind of intelligent design. Mad props to Allah. But, really -- to put it in hurricane country, all within a few metres of sea level, at the tip of a triangular funnel of ocean that does for hurricane storm surges what the Bay of Fundy does for the tide, and at the top of a long, gently inclining seabed that's just about perfectly shaped to maximize wave heights? That sounds more like mean-drunk design to me.
- California. The day will come when we'll all be swimming in Arizona Bay.[9]
Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating humans
- Physical birth defects and intersex conditions.
- Aging, which is quite literally caused by a biological error in cells.
- Placement of the male external genitalia in a rather easy to attack position (unless it was deliberate to allow women easy retaliation).
- And on the subject of genitalia... why are the same members that are used for body waste excretion also used for the most fun and interesting activities that humans can engage in? And why is a man's G spot in his anus if anal sex is forbidden by God?
- Not being able to correctly calculate the number of teeth necessary to fill the average adult human mouth.[10]
- Use of a particularly inefficient system when making the vertebrate eye.
- Error in testosterone management system which consequently makes many men go bald.[11]
- Giving humans appendixes, which occasionally swell up and try to kill their owners.
- The provision of a really bad, sometimes lethal, system of giving birth. (Though it may not have been so bad at first - He deliberately made it more painful to cruelly punish all women for the original sin thing.)
- Failure to provide a system to synthesize vitamin C (or the failure in design that humans need vitamin C to begin with).
- Drinking and laughing at the same time - makes the drink come out of the person's nose. Or potentially choke the victim of such a lousy design.
- Human back - seems to cause a disproportionate number of problems which is usually followed by Vicodin addiction.
- Reaction to cold virus: stop up the nose so a person cannot breathe. Brilliant design, that!
- Auto-immune disorders, cause we all know we are our own worst enemy.
- The inability to operate at anything like an adequate efficiency without regular and lengthy periods of sleep.
- Body hair
- Hangnails
- Referred pain. You might actually be having a potentially fatal heart attack. Unfortunately your body is telling you have pain in your shoulder, neck or left arm.
- Cancer
- Oncogenes - genes that exist solely to give us cancer.
- Memory -- or, why can you remember exactly where you were on 9/11, but you can't remember where you laid down your keys five minutes ago?
- The ulnar nerve -- aka, "funny bone" -- is located on the outside of the elbow joint. Thanks to this placement, if you bang your elbow against a hard surface, you will feel like you were stabbed in the elbow. Bang this nerve hard enough and you may lose the use of your fingers.
- Dogs and cats can lick their backs, feet, legs, bellies, butts and crotches. So why can't we? What makes them so special?
- Humans will pass out at 12 Gs, and will die at 18 Gs. Cockroaches can survive 120 Gs! How come those creepy crawlers are harder to kill than us!
- And while we're at it, why can't we rotate our heads more than 180 degrees? An owl can twist its head almost 360 degrees! It's not like an owl needs to back up a car or keep track of high-spirited children!
- Other primates have nostrils that face forward, making it impossible for them swim face down. Human nostrils point down, so we can swim. So why don't we come with a persistent and innate ability to swim rather than just a primitive reflex that we quickly lose? Or at least tread water? Does God like to see His children drown?[12]
- Intoxicants: Pleasurable (good); addictive, DTs, can diminish your inhibitions to the point you might harm yourself and/or others, potentially harmful to your health, possibly lethal (bad). So, (a) why create them in the first place; and (b) why make them so pleasurable and addictive?
- And why are so many other things -- food, sex, shopping, etc. -- addictive?
- And what the hell is up with OCD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dyslexia, aphasia, etc.?
- Homosexuality (if you view it from a fundamentalist viewpoint). If it's so wrong, why does the almighty allow it to exist[13]?
- Paris Hilton
- Only two physical sexes (intersex people aside), and (most) people stay in one of them throughout life? Surely a supernally intelligent being could think up something more interesting than that.
Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating other animals
A prime example of unintelligent design.
- Not giving whales or dolphins gills, so they have to surface in order to breathe.
- The emu's wing is a spectacularly unnecessary appendage. Ditto the ostrich and kiwi.
- The extinct moas had no wings at all. Which means, He toyed with the idea, but backpedaled.
- One word: platypus
- OK, a few more words: The platypus, which looks like a beaver with a duck's bill, is questionable but acceptable. But why do the males -- and only the males -- have venomous spurs on their heels? Now that's just freaky! And let's not even GO into the genetics of bird, reptile and mammal. Or the fact they lay eggs.
- Giving bats solid bones, which are difficult to fly with, and giving emus hollow bones, which are easier to fly with, now that is opposite of what is required.
- Giving mammals a nerve that runs from the brain to the larynx via the aortic arch - which doesn't seem like too much of an out-of-the-way trip until you look at a giraffe. There is good reason to believe that the same recurrent laryngeal nerve would have been shared by dinosaurs which would include the sauropod dinosaurs, in Supersaurus it could have been longer than 28 meters (92 feet).
- Various entomological tragedies towards males in copulation, such such as the testicular explosion and death of male honey bees and the sexual cannibalism among praying mantises.
Of course, all of this is perfectly compatible with intelligent design when you reflect that one of the common manifestation of intelligence is a sense of humor.
Potential conclusion
In view of God's proclivity for what may be described as manufacturing defects (see above), his stunning time overruns (4.5 billion years to complete a 6-day job?), and the plain evidence that humanity was developed by a low bidder, we can reasonably conclude that the most likely explanation is that God is a government contractor.
See also
External Links
Footnotes
- ↑ This may or may not be a mistake from a maker's point of view as it is indistinguishable from contracting out all the
evilbad results and making Satan the scapegoat. - ↑ To be fair, it can be argued that any method of creating Eve sequentially after Adam will suffer similar problems: creating Eve out of thin air → human sex is sex with air (similar to masturbation); Creating Eve from dirt just like Adam → Human sex is then self pleasuring with sex toys, with the catch that the sex toys themselves can become pregnant.
- ↑ Although this could be chalked up to giving humans the free will to get out of hand.
- ↑ If Trinity is true then yes, Jesus who is God is put to death. No word on how Mary is "punished", in that case.
- ↑ That, or it is not painful at all since she is not tainted with the original sin. However, it is not clear why the omnipotent God did not do that (immaculate conception) to other people to stop them from being tainted with the original sin as well.
- ↑ Despite the attempt to lock the discussion with Revelation 22:18-19
- ↑ Just utter brilliance to have things lost in translation somewhere in the middle.
- ↑ Or Version 4.0 (revision control was a mess back then), since you have the Tawrat(Torah), Zabur(Psalms), Injil(Gospels), and Qur'an as the holy books according to the view of Islam.
- ↑ Humor courtesy of the late, great Bill Hicks. But then you already knew that, didn't you.
- ↑ For the argument that it is an adaptive design, the excessive probability that the teeth will grow in an incorrect direction which usually requires medical intervention.
- ↑ Or if going bald is better in any way, Error in testosterone management system which consequently makes many other men have hair.
- ↑ Judging from the Great Flood story and the Exodus, the answer to this last question is a definite "yes."
- ↑ Unless of course, homosexual acts are independent from homosexuality, as suggested by Larry Craig and Ted Haggard