List of mistakes made by God
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*Fathered a son through an engaged [[virgin]] (secretly, and without any prior notice to her fiancé), and expected her to be honored. Result: the most painful childbirth in history, where the hymen was broken not by being pushed in, but by being pulled apart by the expansion of the uterus. | *Fathered a son through an engaged [[virgin]] (secretly, and without any prior notice to her fiancé), and expected her to be honored. Result: the most painful childbirth in history, where the hymen was broken not by being pushed in, but by being pulled apart by the expansion of the uterus. | ||
*Wrote the [[Old Testament]] and then had to send his Only Begotten Son down to revise it, leaving everyone thoroughly confused. | *Wrote the [[Old Testament]] and then had to send his Only Begotten Son down to revise it, leaving everyone thoroughly confused. | ||
| − | *After his Only Begotten Son had been and gone God ''still'' hadn't got his message across properly and a few hundred years later had to dictate Version 3 to some bloke called Mohammed. | + | *After his Only Begotten Son had been and gone God ''still'' hadn't got his message across properly and a few hundred years later had to dictate Version 3.0 to some bloke called [[Mohammed]]. |
==Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating humans== | ==Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating humans== | ||
Revision as of 16:31, 8 February 2009
Below is a list of slip-ups that the so-called "perfect" God has made.
Contents |
Biblical errors in roughly chronological order
- Didn't use His all-encompassing power to prevent Lucifer (the original identity of Satan) from being born with hideous, bat-like wings instead of the beautiful, dove-like wings all other angels have. Result: the resulting discrimination and being called names like "bat-boy" is the most likely cause for Satan's rebellion and fall from grace, putting God to blame for the creation of all evil today.
- Created female counterparts for all the males of each species, yet forgot to make a female human until (at the least) a day later. Result: Because Adam was sent around to every animal God had created and told to name them, and clearly noticed that his was the only race without a female, he may have been tempted towards acts of bestiality.
- Proceeding to create Eve out of Adam's rib, rather than out of thin air like his omnipotent self. Result: several. First, the poor guy's missing a rib for the rest of his life, Second, Eve was then made out of Adam, so all love from then on out was reduced to narcissism, and all human sex and procreation reduced to masturbation.
- God couldn't find Adam in the Garden of Eden.
- He also had to ask Cain where Abel was. Omniscient, indeed.
- Letting things on Earth get so out of hand that he had to wipe the slate and start over.
- Fathered a son through an engaged virgin (secretly, and without any prior notice to her fiancé), and expected her to be honored. Result: the most painful childbirth in history, where the hymen was broken not by being pushed in, but by being pulled apart by the expansion of the uterus.
- Wrote the Old Testament and then had to send his Only Begotten Son down to revise it, leaving everyone thoroughly confused.
- After his Only Begotten Son had been and gone God still hadn't got his message across properly and a few hundred years later had to dictate Version 3.0 to some bloke called Mohammed.
Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating humans
- Placement of the male external genitalia in a rather easy to attack position (unless it was deliberate to allow women an easy retaliation).
- Not being able to correctly calculate the number of teeth necessary to fill the average adult human mouth.
- Use of a particularly inefficient system when making the vertebrate eye.
- Error in testosterone management system which consequently makes many men go bald.
- Giving humans appendixes, which are literally worse than useless.
- The provision of a really bad, sometimes lethal, system of giving birth. (Though it may not have been so bad at first - He deliberately made it more painful to cruelly punish all women for the Original sin thing.)
- Failure to provide a system to synthesize vitamin C.
- Male nipples.
- (Although this rolls out from an economical unisex design for embryos which requires only minimal changes to create sexual differentiation).
- Human back - seems to cause a disproportionate number of problems.
- Homosexuality (if you view it from a fundamentalist viewpoint). If it's so wrong, why does the almighty allow it to exist?
Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating other animals
- Not giving whales or dolphins gills, so they have to surface in order to breathe
- The emu's wing is a spectacularly unnecessary appendage
- One word: platypus