Massachusetts

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(Cultural Touchstones)
(Cultural Touchstones)
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*"This is Boston, not L.A." - punk rock compilation from the late 70's, and also a song by hardcore Boston punk band The Freeze.
 
*"This is Boston, not L.A." - punk rock compilation from the late 70's, and also a song by hardcore Boston punk band The Freeze.
 
* The Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
 
* The Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
*Notable musical legends: Boston, The Cars, James Taylor, Aerosmith (although really from [[New Hampshire|N.H.]]), Tracy Chapman, Arthur Fiedler.
+
*Notable musical legends: Boston, The Cars, James Taylor, Aerosmith (although really from [[New Hampshire|N.H.]]), Tracy Chapman, Arthur Fiedler, The Pixies.
 
*(Boston) baked beans.
 
*(Boston) baked beans.
 
*(Boston) creme pie, which isn't a pie but a cake.
 
*(Boston) creme pie, which isn't a pie but a cake.

Revision as of 21:18, 31 December 2008

Men with firearms! Wicked awesome!

Massachusetts, also known as "Taxachusetts", is a Commonwealth[1] in the northeastern United States. Massachusetts was one of the original thirteen British colonies to escape tyranny and tea taxes via the American Revolution. It was also the first state in the Union to make human slavery illegal.

Massachusetts is home to the myth of the Pilgrims, who in 1620 formed the first permanent English-speaking colony in the New World, unless you learned about Jamestown, in 1607. Plimoth[2], the new home of the Pilgrims, got its own holiday special every November, and later, a nuclear reactor. Jamestown got malaria.

It is one of the few states that has as its capital a city that people can remember (Boston), and one of two that has legalized full marriage rights for homosexual couples.

Many hard-right conservatives (especially freepers and dittoheads (often one and the same)) like to borrow Massachusetts revolutionary icons such as Paul Revere and the Minutemen (something that some Massachusetts liberals find extremely offensive), while decrying modern Massachusetts liberals and occasionally wishing to have Massachusetts thrown out of the Union. [3] Of course, to the ancestors of the freepers and dittoheads, Paul Revere and the Minutemen were hot-headed Massachusetts radicals, which goes to show you that certain things never change.

It is also home to the Boston Red Sox, 2004 and 2007 "World" Series champions.

Cultural Touchstones

  • "I will remember Massachusetts" - Barry, Robin, and Maurice Gibb. It was their first UK No.1 and was the second record played on BBC Radio 1.
  • "I love that dirty water - oh, Boston, you're my home" - The Standells.
  • "Charlie on the MTA" - The Kingston Trio.
  • "This is Boston, not L.A." - punk rock compilation from the late 70's, and also a song by hardcore Boston punk band The Freeze.
  • The Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
  • Notable musical legends: Boston, The Cars, James Taylor, Aerosmith (although really from N.H.), Tracy Chapman, Arthur Fiedler, The Pixies.
  • (Boston) baked beans.
  • (Boston) creme pie, which isn't a pie but a cake.
  • The (Boston) Strangler.
  • (Cape) Cod.
  • John F. Kennedy and clan.
  • The "Big Dig" central artery depression project. (Ironically, though constantly criticized around the country as a black hole for Federal highway funds, Massachusetts is still a net contributor to the Federal treasury, unlike, say, Arkansas...)
  • Cheers, a "teevee" show based on the Bull and Finch pub in Boston.
  • Some guy assaulting a black man with a U.S. flag during the school busing crisis.
  • A St. Patrick's parade which uses public streets but succeeded in banning gay Irish people.
  • Home of the first uncovered priest child sexual abuse scandals.
  • Four major professional sports franchises: the Red Sox, Bruins, Celtics, and the New England Patriots.
  • Marriage.
  • WGBH, along with KQED and WNET, one of the 800lb gorillas of public television (and radio) and home base for Julia Child and several other great PBS shows.
  • Zoom! (an old children's television show).
  • Cranberries (the fruit, not the band).
  • (Boston) tea parties.
  • Paul Revere, Lexington, Concord, etc., etc., among many other boring historical stuff that is good for tourism.
  • Tanglewood (for you middle-class cultural types)
  • "Don't blame me, I'm from Massachusetts!"—a popular bumper sticker after the 1972 Presidential election. George McGovern carried only Massachusetts and Washington, D.C.; everyone else fell for that crook.
  • The Crow's Nest in Gloucester, notorious hangout for intrepid longline fisherman types.
  • The Free Software Foundation, a subversive Communist organization, is rumored to be based in Massachusetts. Decent upstanding Americans must be protected from this menace to free enterprise, apple pie, God, and Microsoft.

Parts of Massachusetts that are Not Boston

  • Cape Cod
  • Apple trees (i.e. everything from I-495 to the New York state line)
  • Providence, Rhode Island (well, we gotta spend our thong-dollaz somewhere (warning, NSFW), right?)
  • Nothing is spelled right. Glosstah is spelled Gloucester, Wistah is spelled Worcester, Hayvril is spelled Haverhill, "Sandy Drunk Tank" is spelled "Cape Cod", etc.

Footnotes

  1. It's sort of like a state, except spelled differently.
  2. Their spelling was bad back in those days.
  3. We'll also take the rest of New England, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Illinois with us, if you don't mind.
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