Osama bin Laden
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| − | '''Osama bin Laden''' is the | + | '''Osama bin Laden''' is the leader of [[Al-Qaeda]], a [[fundamentalism|fundamentalist]] [[Islam]]ic organization which opposes the intrusion of decadent "Western" values, the corruption of Middle Eastern [[government]]s, and certain policies of the [[United States]], notably the stationing of troops inside [[Saudi Arabia]]. It doesn't sound all that unreasonable when you put it like that, but trust us, it is. Bin Laden responded to the Soviet atrocities in Afghanistan by killing as many people as he needed to let off steam. |
==Mujahadeen== | ==Mujahadeen== | ||
Revision as of 01:23, 12 May 2009
Osama bin Laden is the leader of Al-Qaeda, a fundamentalist Islamic organization which opposes the intrusion of decadent "Western" values, the corruption of Middle Eastern governments, and certain policies of the United States, notably the stationing of troops inside Saudi Arabia. It doesn't sound all that unreasonable when you put it like that, but trust us, it is. Bin Laden responded to the Soviet atrocities in Afghanistan by killing as many people as he needed to let off steam.
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Mujahadeen
Bin Laden was an important leader of the mujahadeen rebels during the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. While people like to speculate that bin Laden was trained by the CIA, this is in all likelihood not the case. While the CIA worked through the Pakistani state intelligence services to arm and train anti-Soviet resistance, bin Laden was part of a parallel operation that funnelled fighters and funds to Afghanistan from across the Arab world. In short, while the CIA may have co-operated with with bin Laden's group, they did not collaborate with them. [1]
However, it is not their fault that he got pissed off at us after we abandoned him. It's his fault. He's not American and, as such, is not entitled to anything at all, and should simply be happy that the US didn't invade his country some time after the Soviets left. Oh, wait - they did. Oops. The rest of the world should note that "we" and "us" in the above seems to refer to the USA, OK keep reading
9/11
He claimed responsibility for the 9/11 terrorist attacks. In response to this, the Bush administration invaded Afghanistan, booted the ruling Taliban regime from power, and forced bin Laden into hiding in the mountains. A while later, the Bush administration invaded Iraq, a country bin Laden was definitely not in. This is primarily because George W. Bush does not understand complicated scientific equipment like maps and globes, and just picked the only country whose name he could remember at the time.
Desperately seeking urea
Osama bin Laden is a kidney patient, and not only has the US claimed to be unable to detect him amongst all the men in beards and turbans running around the Pakistan/Afghanistan border region, they appear to also be unable to detect the kidney dialysis machine amongst all the others in the area, much of which does not even have access to electricity on a regular basis.
Tapes and drive-bys
O' bin Laden still occasionally releases new material, although it is usually stale and derivative of his earlier work. Sales are way down from his heyday in the 1980s. Some think that the capping of his arch-rival Saddam Hussein by George W. Bush permanently took the wind out of his sails of inspiration. But, worse acts have made comebacks!
Osama bin Forgotten
Because the capture or death of Osama would signify the "end" of the "Global War on Terror" in the minds of many, he must be ignored while other fronts are opened.
Footnotes
- ↑ see Steve Coll, Ghost Wars: The Secret History of the CIA, Afghanistan, and Bin Laden, from the Soviet Invasion to September 10, 2001