Pennsylvania

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* Miniature Railroad & Village at the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh
 
* Miniature Railroad & Village at the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh
 
* are we noticing a common theme here?
 
* are we noticing a common theme here?
 +
* Breezewood, the obligatory stopover point (You! Slow Down!), where you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villianry.<ref>Seriously, this is the Mos Eisley Space Port of the interstate highway system.  For some reason I-70 ends without ever actually intersecting with I-76 so you have to drive through the town to get from one to the other.  The town is a collection of truck stops, greasy spoons, fast food joints, cheap motels, tacky gift shops, and a fireworks stand.  Nobody appears to actually ''live'' there.  The infamy is such that the term "breezewood" has passed into general usage to refer to any such place that only exists because of the interstate highway.  For added fun, turn on the CB when in Breezewood and you will never fail to hear something to amuse or scare even the most jaded personality.</ref>
 
* And some boring old stuff in Philadelphia having something to do with a bell and Independence Hall or something
 
* And some boring old stuff in Philadelphia having something to do with a bell and Independence Hall or something
 
* If you really want to overdose on Civil War stuff, there's always Gettysburg
 
* If you really want to overdose on Civil War stuff, there's always Gettysburg

Revision as of 02:49, 1 June 2009

Where's the damn bell?

Pennsylvania was one of the original thirteen colonies that formed the United States. It was founded by William Penn,who wanted a place where Quakers and other denominations could worship freely without persecution (being a Quaker was illegal in England at the time). Its capital is Harrisburg, and it borders on a bunch of other states, as many do.[1] Its first Colonial Legislative Act, the Great Law of Pennsylvania, December 7, 1682, mandated: "That no person ... who shall confess and acknowledge one Almighty God to be the Creator, Upholder and Ruler of the World ... shall in any case be molested or prejudiced for his, or her Conscientious persuasion or practice."

The Continental Congress met in Philadelphia, the largest city in Pennsylvania, and at the time, the largest city in any of the colonies. The Declaration of Independence was signed there in 1776.

Pennsylvania is known as "Pittsburgh in the west, Philadelphia in the east, and Alabama in between". Hence the election of Senator Rick "Santorum" Santorum. Actually this is not true. It's more like everything within a 60 mile radius of Philadelphia in the southeast which is part of the Boston-New York City-Washington DC corridor of minorities and liberal heathen nanny state types, and the entire rest of the state is just like West Virginia - a vast playground full of choo choo trains, coal mines, steel mills, towns that have more taverns than churches, towns that have more churches than houses, huntin', fishin', rock climbing, and the Pittsburgh Stillers. Hence the election of Senator Bob Casey who resoundingly defeated Mr. "Man On Dog" Santorum.

Pennsylvania is also apparently the fattest state in the United States. If you saw the food, you'd understand.

Many Pennsylvanians call the state "PA."

Contents

Tourist attractions

  • Steamtown National Historic Site in Scranton
  • Horseshoe Curve near Altoona
  • Railroaders Memorial Museum in Altoona
  • Railroad Museum of Pennsylvania in Strasburg
  • Lackawanna #190 coal mine tour in Scranton
  • Pioneer Tunnel and Steam Train in Ashland
  • Centralia (two miles west of Ashland and kinda smoky, population 1000 in 1980, population 9 today)
  • Gallitzin Tunnel and Railroad Museum in Gallitzin, whence can also be found a mysterious building named "Atheist Station"
  • Allegheny Portage Railroad National Historic Site near Gallitzin
  • #9 Coal Mine and Museum in Lansford
  • Miniature Railroad & Village at the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh
  • are we noticing a common theme here?
  • Breezewood, the obligatory stopover point (You! Slow Down!), where you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villianry.[2]
  • And some boring old stuff in Philadelphia having something to do with a bell and Independence Hall or something
  • If you really want to overdose on Civil War stuff, there's always Gettysburg

Really weird tourist attractions

Pennsylvania is also the location of a particularly disgusting heathen festival of debauchery and wanton revelry known as Anthrocon.

Also, don't miss the 30000 pounds of mashed bananas on the road into Scranton.[3]

Really weird pronunciations

Reading is pronounced "Redding". Lancaster is pronounced "LANKister". Schuylkill County is pronounced "Skookul County". Pittsburgh is often pronounced 'PICKSburgh'. Wilkes-Barre is pronounced "Wilkesberry" or "Wilk's Bar" or about a dozen other ways, even by the locals, and may even be pronounced three or four different ways by the same person in the same conversation.

In Pittsburgh, the plural of "you" is "yinz". In Scranton, it's "youse". In Altoona, it's "y'all" (remember, Alabama in the middle). In Gettysburg, it's "y'all" along with assorted rebel yells and wavings of teh Confederate flag. YEE-HAAH!

In Philadelphia, the plural of "you", at least on SEPTA, is "xxx!!1!!hey muthufukin shitheadz whatup xxxxx11xx1111!!!1!?"

Yes, Philadelphia's light rail is called SEPTA. No septic reference implied.

See also

Footnotes

  1. Ohio, Maryland, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, and West Virginia, in this case.
  2. Seriously, this is the Mos Eisley Space Port of the interstate highway system. For some reason I-70 ends without ever actually intersecting with I-76 so you have to drive through the town to get from one to the other. The town is a collection of truck stops, greasy spoons, fast food joints, cheap motels, tacky gift shops, and a fireworks stand. Nobody appears to actually live there. The infamy is such that the term "breezewood" has passed into general usage to refer to any such place that only exists because of the interstate highway. For added fun, turn on the CB when in Breezewood and you will never fail to hear something to amuse or scare even the most jaded personality.
  3. Chapin, H. F. (1974) "30000 Pounds of Bananas", Verities and Balderdash.
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