Scotland

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==See also==
 
==See also==
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*[[Scottish National Party]]
 
*[[England]]
 
*[[England]]
 
*[[Wales]]
 
*[[Wales]]

Revision as of 21:35, 1 July 2011

The Flag of Scotland, aka, St Andrew's Cross, aka, the Saltire, the colours of which were painted on Mel Gibson's face when he defeated the English in 1995.

Scotland is the second largest country on the island of Great Britain and in the multinational state the United Kingdom. The magical land of haggis,[1] [2] kilts and golf, like the rest of Britain is also very, very wet. Famous tourist attractions in Scotland include Nessie, Sir Walter Scott's birthplace, and J. K. Rowling.

Contents

Scotland in the United Kingdom

Scotland has enjoyed a hilariously up-and-down relationship with the rest of the United Kingdom. Scotland fought England over political and provincial issues in the early middle ages, though relations between the two countries eventually stabilised to the extent where they decided to become a unified state along with Wales in 1707.

With Ireland

In modern day Northern Ireland, much of the Protestant community is descended from Scottish (and some northern English) migrants to northern parts of the island, who are today referred to as Ulster-Scots, or sometimes Scots-Irish. Despite the Ulster-Scots social/ethnic group being traditionally Protestant unionist in nature, the Catholic Provisional IRA's bombing campaign on mainland Great Britain for a united Irish state throughout the 1970s and 1980s focused on targets solely in England, never targeting Scotland. Aside from this, poorly-educated Americans assume the countries share a special bond in their hate for the English.

Political opinion about the issue of Northern Ireland and the Crown is notably divided in Scotland, with some favouring the continued existence of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, while others favour the total independence and reunification of the island of Ireland from the Union. Typically, the Old Firm football rivalry between Glasgow football sides Celtic and Rangers FC have been charged with political opinion, with supporters of the teams sometimes favouring independence and unionism respectively. At Old Firm matches, it is commonplace for Celtic fans to fly the Irish Tricolour, while Rangers fans tend to fly the Union Flag, as many people in the Glasgow area are descended from Catholic and Protestant Irish immigrants who came to Scotland for work, bringing the sectarian hatreds of their homeland with them; indeed, both Rangers and Celtic were founded as clubs for recent Irish immigrants - as evidenced by the shamrock on the Celtic club badge.

Scottish people

They are all fat due to a diet high in fried foods, but have low blood pressure due to their habit to eat oatmeal (apparently). Scotland has the world's highest proportion of redheads; approximately 13% of the population has red hair and approximately 40% carry the recessive redhead gene. Scottish people include Gordon Brown, Tony Blair, doctor Gillian McKeith and Mel Gibson.

Scotland was described as a "dark land overrun by homosexuals" by noted international vigilante Pat Robertson.[3]

Crap Mel Gibson jokes and other stuff

The country consists of a rebellion of commoners, led by Australian Mel Gibson, which won independence from England in 1995, as well as winning Gibson an Academy Award.

Common misconceptions about Scotland are: that it originated Scotch (the sublime beverage), wrestler "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, Scotch™ transparent tape, and Scott paper towels; and that it has been inhabited for over 10,000 years.[4]

Kilts worn by some Scottish men - often while playing bagpipes or on formal occasions. It has a plaid pattern that supposedly represents the wearer's clan. However most of these 'clan designations' were in fact created in the early 19th century, as a result of George IV's visit to Scotland and desire to promote all things Scottish.

See also

Footnotes

  1. Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
  2. Americans can only purchase "homegrown" or imitation haggis
  3. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/gay-jibe-may-lead-to-bank-boycott-1097726.html
  4. 8500 B.C.??? Let's not make up dates here
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