Tony Abbott

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(Changed his nickname to the much better known, & more flavourful one.)
(Anti-Opposition)
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===Anti-Opposition===
 
===Anti-Opposition===
In an article published by the man himself, Abbott flat-out said that he left his church because he felt they were too compassionate to sinners. Perhaps it is no surprise that he wants to revoke the citizenship of Australians living overseas. <ref>[http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/06/20/overseas-fighters-could-face-aussie-citizenship-cancellation Can't let 'em have all their rights, of course!]</ref> He also supports a bill that would legalize torture as a way to combat terrorism. <ref>[http://www.smh.com.au/comment/george-brandis-new-antiterror-law-allows-asio-to-torture-20140917-10i9hv.html Because he clearly wants to be more like Bush.]</ref>
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In an article published by the man himself, Abbott flat-out said that he left his church because he felt they were too compassionate to sinners. Perhaps it is no surprise that he wants to revoke the citizenship of Australians living overseas. <ref>[http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/06/20/overseas-fighters-could-face-aussie-citizenship-cancellation Can't let 'em have all their rights, of course!]</ref> He also supports a bill that would legalize torture as a way to combat terrorism. <ref>[http://www.smh.com.au/comment/george-brandis-new-antiterror-law-allows-asio-to-torture-20140917-10i9hv.html Because he clearly wants to be more like Bush.]</ref> Under his new anti-terrorism laws, anyone who “discloses information” about an intelligence operation can be jailed for up to 10 years.
  
 
===The public responds===
 
===The public responds===

Revision as of 09:31, 3 November 2014

The suppository of wisdom himself!

Anthony John "Mad Monk"[1] Abbott is the Prime Minister of Australia since September 2013 and Leader of the Coalition, joining Canadia having the second openly wingnut Prime Minister elected in the British Commonwealth in the 21st century You know what, even Stephen Harper doesn't deserve this.

Behold the Second Coming of George W. Bush. Aussies, we wish you good luck — you've become an international joke in a matter of months.

Contents

Early life

Originally a boxer and a Catholic seminarian, Abbott was born to an Australian mother and an England-born Australian father, hence why he was elected Prime Minister despite being born in London (a la Julia Gillard). Earlier in his life, Abbott "saved a child who was swept out to sea. Another time, he helped save children from a burning house next to a pub where he was drinking. On each occasion, he disappeared before he could be properly thanked."

While employed as a journalist for The Bulletin (and later for The Australian newspaper), he was courted by friends in the Australian Labor Party to run for office under their party banner, but he felt uncomfortable with the role of the evil unions and declined (instead befriending coalition Prime Minister John Howard, who convinced him to run for office as a Liberal). In 1994 he became the Representative of the Division of Warringah, Sydney a position he's held to date, and served as Minister for Health in Howard's cabinet.

This early into his career, Abbott opposed the abortion drug RU-486, and the Parliament voted to strip Health Ministers of the power to regulate this area of policy. He also attracted criticism for suspiciously long delays in funding for cancer diagnostic equipment (PET scanners). Abbott saw reducing the number of abortions performed each year as a national priority, promising to launch an investigation into a product called Pink or Blue, produced by an American firm called Consumer Genetics.[2]

Nevertheless, he was surprisingly on the money when he opposed Howard's WorkChoices industrial program (which exempted companies from anti-unfair dismissal laws and restricted workers' ability to strike) on the basis that the legislation exceeded the government's mandate, was harsh on workers and was politically dangerous to the government. As Minister for Health, he created the Nurse Family Partnership, a long term scheme aimed at improving conditions for indigenous youth by improving mother-child relationships. The scheme was successful in reducing child abuse and improving school retention rates, which was uncharacteristically nice of him. He also introduced the Medicare Safety Net to cap the annual out-of-pocket costs of Medicare cardholders to a maximum amount, basically making it cheaper by introducing a restriction on how much they need to pay for it.

Leader of the Opposition

After a short stint as Shadow Minister, Abbott became Leader of the Opposition on December 2009, where he turned into a gaffe-spouting machine. On the subject of homosexuality, he admitted that "I'd probably feel a bit threatened [when near a homosexual] ... it's a fact of life and I try to treat people as people and not put them in pigeonholes." This in spite of his own sister being a lesbian (and he's not fond of her either, sound familiar?). He has since apologized for this spillover, but it wouldn't be the only PR-harming thing he's said, as he's also an opponent of embryonic stem cell research and euthanasia.

He has an unsavory track record on comments regarding women. He praised a fellow electoral candidate for her "sex appeal" as opposed to her policies or stances, or anything else, really. When he bragged about having better-than-average-looking daughters, questions rose over whether or not he was just a very proud father or rather sexist for indicating that he's most proud of his daughters' looks as opposed to everything else. Considering his further attacks on Gillard's gender, we might be a bit suspect. (He even went so far as to say that women are "physiologically unsuited to leadership.")

Abbott rejects man-made climate change (calling it "absolute crap"), but recognized that it's politically suicidal for him not to cater to voters who know AGW is real. Therefore, he weaseled his way into saying that he denies that humans cause global warming, only to then acknowledge that climate change is real and humans do contribute to global warming, but that there shouldn't be anything done about it. Abbott actively opposes the idea of a carbon tax, claiming it would be the world's largest, despite it being one of the lowest effective rates in OECD countries.[3] The Senate resisted his attempts to abolish it for some time[4], but voted to axe it on July 17, 2014.[5]. This resulted in some heavy responses from media sources around the world[6] Upon the 2013 election, Abbott received praise from prominent climate denialist Christopher Monckton on the Alex Jones show for his plans to abolish the tax[7], and from Jones himself, who praised Abbott for seeking to bring old American "prosperity" back to Australia[8].

He's a fan of Rupert Murdoch, which surprises no one, and wants to stop the flow of refugee boats arriving in Australia's northwest. Nearly every Australian newspaper and magazine endorsed Abbott for the position of Prime Minister, doubtlessly due to Murdoch's hand of influence. They're regretting it now.

In the lead-up to the election, he made international headlines for referring to the "suppository of all wisdom."[9] This has been widely mocked and parodied on the Internet.

Record as Prime Minister

He competed with Kevin Rudd (who unseated Gillard as Leader of Labor and Prime Minister) over the 2013 federal elections. During his speeches after the victory, he declared that Australia is under new management and that Australia is once more "open for business," whatever that implies.

Various farces

Perhaps Abbott's most telling decision has been not to appoint a Science Minister to his new administration.[10] In fact, as soon as he was sworn in, he immediately fired three secretaries from his own Cabinet, all of whom were involved in science, research and innovation.[11] Only one Cabinet minister is a woman,[12] and said woman just happens to be the Deputy Leader of the Liberal Party. He claims that he was "disappointed" over the lack of women in the Cabinet. Except that it was his decision to pick the Cabinet!

While David Cameron and Stephen Harper have taken steps to investigate the government of Sri Lanka for human rights abuses, Abbott had the gall to defend Sri Lanka's government and refuse to take part in the investigation (New Zealand followed Abbott's lead), primarily because Sri Lanka helps Australia over its refugee boat policy.[13] (Before this gives you the impression that Harper has some standards, he helped Abbott block efforts to help poverty-stricken nations deal with effects of climate change.[14])

Abbott also cut $13.4 million from Indigenous legal aid in 2013,[15] while the Coalition committed to a $10 million redevelopment of a professional rugby league stadium in his affluent local electorate of Warringah.[16] Priorities, anybody?

It was revealed in February 2014 that the Australian Taxation Office had decided not to appeal a Federal Court decision that granted Rupert Murdoch's media empire an $882m tax rebate at the expense of Australian taxpayers. The deadline to lodge such an appeal was 22 August 2013 when the previous Labor government was still in power. The $882m was one of the biggest single factors in an increase of $17bn in the estimated deficit for fiscal year 2013 and treasurer Joe Hockey warned the Australian public that spending cuts would be imminent.[17] Abbott later denied having any knowledge of such a payment, and Hockey refused to comment on the matter.

If that wasn't enough, Abbott has now dropped out the very phrase "occupied territories" when referring to illegal Israeli settlements constructed in Palestine. [18]

Refugee crisis

Australia has quite a few refugees traveling from Indonesia by boat, which is basically the Australians' version of immigration in America. Abbott authorized Coalition-controlled Australian states to use the Australian Navy to turn asylum-seeker boats back to Indonesia, buy old boats from Indonesian fishermen and pay Indonesians to spy on "people-smuggling" operations. One problem: the Indonesians themselves are complaining that Abbott's infringing on their national sovereignty, something that many warn could lead to armed conflict if it continues.[19] It doesn't even make economic sense: refugees will end up paying more to smugglers and will be forced onto less safe boats, while the Indonesian economy (and only those fishermen) stimulates as opposed to the Australian economy.[20]

Abbott had the misfortune of being the first Coalition Prime Minister to deal with the media frenzy of refugees ending up dead or missing after their boat struck seas off the coast of Java. Abbott refused to address the tragedy, instead preferring to talk about sports on Twitter.[21] Similarly, he has a distinct case of "It's the victims' fault for being victims!" syndrome; he will not apologize for family separations in the event of a refugee boat being turned away, because they obviously shouldn't have been refugees![22] Since Indonesia obviously doesn't like this policy, they will not accept refugee boats turned away by Australia; Abbott is in the process of trying to bully Jakarta into complying.

Abbott has continued the Rudd-Gillard policy of ordering prison guards to humiliate and bully refugees detained in island prison camps, in an attempt to deter refugees from seeking asylum in Australia.[23]

And the slightly better?

When he visited New South Wales, which is under control of the Liberal Party, he almost randomly announced that Liberal Party members should no longer work as lobbyists, as an honest-to-god attempt at preventing conflicts of interest.[24] We'll see what happens in this regard.

In 2013, Abbott unilaterally declared an end to Australian involvement in the Afghanistan War. Australian troops will hence be withdrawn from the frontlines and returned to their families.[25] In another good decision, his government approved $10 million to fund relief efforts to the Philippines after the Haiyan typhoon killed 10,000 people.[26] Nevertheless, he immediately followed it up with a successful challenge to same-sex marriage laws in the Australian Capital Territory.[27]

Here comes the budget butchery

As expected from an ideologue, Abbott's first budget intends to cut as many as 16,000 public sector jobs, increase medical fees, cut benefits for the under-30s, increase university fees, charge for ER meetings for minor injuries, impose three-year waits for Medicare-funded eye tests, freeze millions out of Private Health Insurance, eradicate all funding for Gonski schools, cut foreign aid by $7.9 billion, cut family and welfare pay by 2.6 billion over the next four years, and scrap all current family assistance payments for two years.[28] The pension age will be progressively lifted over time to 70 — an unprecedented measure of any modern industrial country.[29]

Furthermore, Abbott plans to cut $111 million dollars from the CSIRO, which invented WiFi, Aeroguard and extended-wear contact lenses.[30] ANSTO, the premier Australian nuclear science program, and the Institute of Marine Science will face multi-million dollar cuts. Wind farms would be removed across the board because windmills are "offensive to the eyes."[31] Australia’s Animal Welfare Strategy will be abolished on July 1, 2015, dental healthcare will get axed or deferred for several years (to the point where funding will be pulled for dental and oral health clinics), and the budget would end funding for human rights education and cut one of the human rights commissioners. Even the National Anti-Tobacco Campaign lost nearly $3 million from this as well.[32]

It's so blatantly full of shit[33][34][35][36] that the budget is all but guaranteed to be watered down.[37][38]

Otherwise, he did manage to establish "Repeal Days," which bypasses the bureaucracy in order to remove (to date) 50,000 pages of legislation. It’s all to "reduce regulatory compliance costs on businesses," but it's pretty half-assed.[39]

Anti-Opposition

In an article published by the man himself, Abbott flat-out said that he left his church because he felt they were too compassionate to sinners. Perhaps it is no surprise that he wants to revoke the citizenship of Australians living overseas. [40] He also supports a bill that would legalize torture as a way to combat terrorism. [41] Under his new anti-terrorism laws, anyone who “discloses information” about an intelligence operation can be jailed for up to 10 years.

The public responds

During the weekend of March 15-16 2014, mass protests against the Abbott government went underway in most of Australia's major cities. Abbott denied having any knowledge of the protests, claiming that the only activity he knew of occurring in Sydney were the St Patrick's Day celebrations.[42]

A second running of protests occurred in May 2014 in cities across Australia, drawing similar crowds to the initial ones held in March. With his approval rate plummeting and a assured Labor victory if an election were held today,[43] one must be wondering what the Coalition thinks about leadership challenges.

On Sunday July 6, more protests were held in major cities and rural towns across Australia against the 2014 Budget cuts[44]. Even more protests were held on the weekend of August 30-31 against the Abbott government's policies.

Quotes before he became Prime Minister

No-one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced, is the suppository of all wisdom, and I believe that we will be a much better government because we have a very strong team.
We just can’t stop people from being homeless if that’s their choice.
What the housewives of Australia need to understand - as they do the ironing - is that if they get it done commercially, it's going to go up in price.
I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons.
Jesus didn't say yes to everyone, Jesus knew there was a place for everything and it's not necessarily everyone's (asylum seekers and refugees) place to come to Australia.
Same-sex marriage? I'm not someone who wants to see radical change based on the fashion of the moment.
I won't be rushing out to get my daughters vaccinated against cervical cancer.
If we're honest, most of us would accept that a bad boss is a little bit like a bad father or a bad husband: not withstanding his or her faults you'll find that he tends to do more good than harm. He might be a bad boss, but at least he's employing someone while he is in fact a boss.
Abortion is the easy way out. It's hardly surprising that people should choose the most convenient exit from awkward situations.
There may not be a great job for indigenous people, but whatever it is they just have to do it - and if it's picking up rubbish around the community, it just has to be done.[45]

See also

  • Dan Quayle, whose similarly ridiculous comments are equally hilarious and troubling.

External links

Footnotes

  1. Enjoy your record-breaking heatwaves, ok?
  2. This test is one of several pre-natal blood tests designed to detect the sex of a fetus as early as six weeks into pregnancy. Some pro-life campaigners have raised concerns that it would be used for sex-selective abortion.
  3. Another bullshit rationalization is his oft-repeated claim that it is too difficult to measure carbon dioxide emissions because it is "weightless."
  4. Senate votes to block carbon tax repeal legislation, Australian Broadcasting Corporation
  5. Australia kills off carbon tax
  6. http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/worlds-media-respond-to-carbon-tax-repeal-20140717-zu4kz.html
  7. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6iNiCasRXs
  8. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB7VybCfjVM
  9. Oh Christ.
  10. For context, Australia is the country that developed the solar cell, the bionic ear and now the bionic eye.
  11. Namely Don Russell of Department of Innovation, Industry Science and Research, Blair Comley of the Resources, Energy and Tourism Department and Andrew Metcalfe of the Agriculture Department.
  12. That would be Julie Bishop, Minister for Foreign Affairs, essentially the Australian Secretary of State.
  13. Tony Abbott's stance on Sri Lanka's human rights craven and irresponsible, Sydney Morning Herald
  14. Because illiteracy.
  15. Indigenous legal aid to be cut by $13.4 million, Special Broadcasting Service
  16. "Coalition's Committment to Upgrade Brookval Oval"
  17. Rupert Murdoch's empire receives $882m tax rebate from Australia, The Guardian
  18. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jun/05/australia-drops-occupied-israeli-settlements
  19. Indonesian MPs want a vote to stop the policy.
  20. Abbott doesn't seem to care, though.
  21. Run away!
  22. Asylum seekers: Tony Abbott regrets mother-baby separation but no apology, The Guardian
  23. Amnesty probe finds Australia breaches asylum laws, Reuters
  24. It's now a criminal offense in New South Wales for a lobbyist to be given a payment that's contingent on the outcome of the lobbying of a government official.
  25. Abbott Visits Afghanistan to Mark End of Australian Mission, Bloomberg
  26. Australia pledges 10 million in aid to Philippines, Sydney Morning Herald
  27. Australia high court overturns ACT gay marriage law, BBC
  28. It's for the debt, dammit!
  29. See the Wikipedia article on 2014 Australian federal budget.
  30. It's going down under, The Economist
  31. Joe Hockey says wind turbines 'utterly offensive', flags budget cuts to clean energy scheme, ABC
  32. Because if people get cancer from cigars, it's clearly their own fault!
  33. Economists sceptical of Abbott's 'budget emergency', Sydney Morning Herald
  34. Abbott budget to make Australia more unequal: economists, Sydney Morning Herald
  35. Standard & Poor's undermines Tony Abbott's credit ratings threat, ABC
  36. Has Tony Abbott miscalculated with his new budget?, BBC
  37. Tony Abbott faces budget revolt, Sydney Morning Herald
  38. Liberal and Labor premiers vow to fight $80bn cuts to health and education, The Guardian
  39. Tony Abbott's repeal day will save businesses just $13m, The Guardian
  40. Can't let 'em have all their rights, of course!
  41. Because he clearly wants to be more like Bush.
  42. Thousands drawn to Australia-wide protests against government policies, ABC
  43. Tony Abbott's popularity plunges, latest polls show, The Guardian
  44. http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-07-06/storify-bust-the-budget-protests/5575378
  45. Wikiquote on Tony Abbott
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