The 2008 U.S. Presidential Election took place on 4 November 2008. It was the first election since 1952 in which neither a sitting president nor sitting vice-president was errrr... standing, due to the fact that the president had completed two terms in office and the vice-president was the most hated man in America.
Since America has two right wing parties, any
white, Christian male millionaire associated with the Democratic or Republican party had a chance of winning. The candidate for whom most people vote sometimes wins the election and sometimes not. You need to have been born in the USA to understand why this is democratic.
By early March 2008, the Republican nominee was rich white old Christian male John McCain. By June 2008, the Democratic field had been reduced to a rich Christian black male, with a rich Christian white female waiting in the wings should "something awful" happen. However, Barack Obama became the Democratic "presumptive" nominee on June 3, 2008. He then went on to win the election.
Nevertheless, Ralph Nader entered the race in the very old rich white Christian male sweepstakes.
less relevant "third" parties' candidates have been listed below the two big bullies for your amusement.
 Democratic Party Candidates
After plagiarism charges knocked him out of the 1988 campaign , he claimed in his book that it was a decision to concentrate on blocking the nomination of Robert Bork to the Supreme Court. One of the two beloved by policy wonks everywhere, meaning he doesn't stand a chance. Dropped out after Iowa; still got more votes in New Hampshire than Gravel.
He was chosen by Barack Obama as his running mate in August.
Critical of Bush tax cuts, supports Kyoto ratification, opposes arctic drilling, somewhat protectionist, wants to improve health care, supporter of Israel, supports increased border control, leaves all options open on Iran, voted for war in Iraq which she does not regret (and she continues to vote to fund the war, of course), tightened gun control, personally opposed to abortion but would not make it illegal. Regarded as the Antichrist by Conservatives, whose media machines have been vilifying her nonstop since 1991, despite the fact that she is (except on health care) the most conservative Democrat running.
She was the only candidate prepared to face Bill O'Reilly.
Suspended her campaign and threw her support behind Obama as of June 7, 2008.
There was talk that she had been angling for the vice-presidential post. Was eventually chosen as Secretary of State by the Obama Administration.
Christopher J. "Chris" Dodd
Long time Senator, graduated from the University of Louisville in Kentucky, despite being from Connecticut. Serious policy wonk, but with little star power. He is also staunchly pro-habeas corpus. That such a stance bears mentioning is a sad testament to the current state of the USA. Dropped out after Iowa.
John R. "Breck Girl" Edwards
Former unsuccessful candidate for vice president in 2004. Had an expensive haircut once, which apparently, renders him unfit for the Presidency in the eyes of some Conservatives. Focuses on what he calls the "Two Americas", that is, the rich one and the poor/working/middle class one, and the increasing divide between them. Got caught catching some tail on the side, too bad his wife was dying of cancer.
Hey old timer, remember the 70s? This rabble-rouser was in the U.S. Senate for two terms but lost his seat in 1980 during the Reagan sweep. Pronounced "Gra-vell", not "Grav-l". Excellent Halo player. Is ADAMANTLY opposed to the war in Iraq, and would bring the troops home immediately. That's not the main reason he's running though, which is to promote a constitutional amendment to allow national initiatives and referendums. Beloved by Dadaists for his surreal campaign YouTube videos (including one of him, without saying a word, throwing a large rock into a lake and watching the ripples.)
Dropped out in late March to join the Libertarian Party
Despite the fact he looks like a gnome, he has a really hot wife who has a tongue piercing. Really. Also, he is actually a "liberal", so he has been marginalized. (Well, that and he was staunchly pro-life until a week before announcing his 2004 candidacy.) Breaking news: His liberal bona fides may be in question, as he has announced that he would ask Ron Paul, the rather staunch paleoconservative to be his running mate. This may be more an attempt at unifying the country, though, which is a liberal value - we must keep in mind that the veep's only power is tie-breaking in the Senate. Unless the president dies, of course. But Dennis is a smallish target. Dropped out on January 24.
Tom "Billy Jack" Laughlin
Ran in the Democratic primaries in 1992 and got 2% of the vote in the New Hampshire primary. He ran again this year but didn't do so well. His platform? It may have something to do with just going ber-SERK and taking this right foot and whopping you on that side of your face, and you wanna know something, there's not a damn thing you're gonna be able to do about it. Really.
Was only on the ballot in New Hampshire this time; the campaign section is now removed from his website but in its place he has announced plans for a new movie, Billy Jack for President.
 Barack Hussein Obama - nominee and winner
John F. Kennedy reincarnated, according to some. Of the three front-runners (see Clinton, H.R., and Edwards, Breck), he's the only one that did not start with national name recognition (But his name is quite short and easy to remember, so he quickly stopped being referred to as 'that black guy'.). The fact that his middle name is Hussein and his last name is similar to Osama is enough for some narrow minded individuals to automatically reject him.
Elected as the 44th U. S. President on November 4, 2008.
William B. "Bill" Richardson
Governor of New Mexico, former Secretary of Energy, former ambassador to the UN, has really bad case of foot in mouth syndrome. When installed as the Governor, he demanded undated letters of resignation from all of people appointed by the Governor, particularly those who he had no authority to fire. His reasoning was that he could then invoke the letter anytime someone was absent or neglectful of their duties. Dropped out after the New Hampshire primary.
 Republican Party Candidates
Self-made millionaire and former chair of the Cook County, Illinois Republicans. Has never been elected to anything higher than school board. He ran (and lost) for Cook County Attorney, U.S. Congress, and the U.S. Senate, so his next big move of course is to run for President. Expect him to finish ahead of Alan Keyes in most states. However, in New Hampshire he finished one vote behind joke candidate Vermin Supreme. It is unclear when, but he "suspended his campaign" sometime in December 2007 and then "suspended his campaign" again in early 2008
Pro-choice cross-dressing adulterous multiple divorcee who is mired in a number of corruption scandals. B-b-b-b-but 9/11!
His "wait until Florida" strategy was epic phail, and as of 1/30/08 he has thrown his support behind John McCain.
A former Baptist minister, firmly anti-abortion, regards the Bible as literal truth and does not believe in evolution. Also doesn't believe bumblebees should be allowed to fly, or something like that. Has, interestingly, taken a good deal of flak for his attempts to mitigate the sentences resulting from Arkansas' ridiculously punitive laws. He once pardoned Keith Richards for a reckless driving charge from about 20 years before he came to office. He won the Iowa caucus.
Profile: A Republican Representative from California since 1980, Hunter has the following views: anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage, anti-federalism (since he wants to amend the Constitution to outlaw both, no matter what an individual state might want to do), pro-gun, anti-tax, anti-First Amendment, pro-Israel, anti-globalization, anti-"sui solis", and anti-China. According to The New Republic, he's the nicest wacko you ever met (which might be why he's tanking—if you're going to be crazy, you need real fire in your belly). Dropped out after South Carolina/Nevada primaries
Dropped out in late March, the same day Mike Gravel did, to seek the Constitution Party nomination which he lost in a landslide, and is now going to run as an independent. Seriously.
John S. McCain, III nominee
Profile: Former Vietnam POW. Has been a Senator since God was a teenager. Would be older than Ronald Reagan was upon inauguration, if elected. Gives good guest on the Daily Show, and had a knockout performance on Saturday Night Live. Formerly considered a bi-partisan straight-talker, he has become more hawkish and cozier with loony evangelical leaders in recent years, thus resulting in the loss of his rights to certain hyphens.
The press ignores his history of anger management issues because they like the catering and schmoozing on his bus.
McCain clinched the nomination on March 4
Because two first names are better than one. Profile: Against abortion, abolish the IRS and the income tax, reintroduce prayer in schools, slash most federal spending, reintroduce the gold standard, keep the gays from marrying, and abolish the Federal Reserve. End the War on Drugs and get the U.S. out of the Iraq. Has a huge online following which constantly vote-stuffs post-debate polls much to the dismay of Fox News analysts.
Could be a Dominionist, could be a Libertarian, it's not really clear. One thing's for sure: he is WAY out there.
Dr. Paul dropped out the race on 12 June 2008.
Profile: Now firmly pro-life. Pro death penalty. (No, there's no contradiction there. SHUT UP.) Mormon. Pro abstinence education. Anti same sex marriage. He ran for governor of Massachusetts by, um, "hiding" most of these positions, then spent half his gubernatorial term preparing for his Presidential bid by running against Massachusetts around the country. He saved the Salt Lake City Olympics from rampant corruption. He became a multimillionaire running Bain Capital. President Mitt just doesn't sound right. He won in Wyoming but nobody cared. Won in Michigan where his dad used to be governor - big surprise. (He also won Nevada, which despite having more delegates than South Carolina, gets nowhere near the attention.)
Note: the following Romney quote was corrected before publication to make it make more sense:
"All of us on this stage are Republican. But the question is, who will be able to build the house that Ronald Reagan built - who will be able to strengthen that house, because that's the house that's going to build the house that Clinton, Hillary wants to build."
Dropped out after Super Tuesday
Hates all non-Americans (note: this may include some Americans), and will do anything to keep them out. Is the only candidate, indeed one of only a handful of people who believes we should actually shut down legal immigration. Also, hates China vehemently, as they are godless Communists. (He seems to have sewn up most of the Taiwanese-American vote, actually, for his support for Taiwan. They don't realize that he only supports Taiwan to fight China.) A while ago, endorsed bombing Mecca in the event of another terrorist attack. Dropped out before the primaries began
Fred "Law & Order" Thompson
Known to all Americans as the gruff but fair district attorney Arthur Branch. Yes, we're seriously considering ANOTHER actor president. Because the last one did SUCH a bang up job! Can barely be bothered to stay awake during his campaign events.
Dropped out on January 22, after failing to win the South Carolina primary. No one noticed.
A late-entering Republican candidate. John McCain was the plumber's friend.
 Libertarian Party candidates
The top three candidates (by fundraising) were:
Wayne Allyn Root
All about cutting taxes, cutting government spending, and opposing any form of universal health care. Claims to support the separation of church and state, but supports school prayer. Also, has that "crazy right-wing" look.
Supports an end to government corruption and two-party rule. His main concern is with politicians who put their own power (or their party) above that of the national interest. The only real policy plank available on his website is removing all special treatment for politicians. Looks like a late night comedian.
Florida businessman whose only qualification for the job appears to be that he is an expert at spamming internet news sites with his press releases. I'm not really sure he's a libertarian. He's in favor of additional fees on drug companies to be spent on people's health (which is, technically, a tax). Moreover, he wants to preserve social security (through some kind of weird charity that would then be the only charity that was tax-deductible). His page is . . . odd. He looks like a drunk Jim Brass from the TV show CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
Also in the running:
See above under Democrats.
Medical marijuana activist.
Author of Healing Our World, a favorite book among Libertarians trying to promote libertarian ideas within the New Age movement.
Instead, the nomination easily went to:
Former Republican congressman from Georgia. After 9/11 he turned into a critic of Bush, the Iraq War, and the War on Terror, and joined the Libertarian Party. He announced he was running for their nomination a couple of weeks before he won it. He tried to have McCain and Obama removed from the Texas ballot.
 Green Party
Is unabashedly in favor of wealth redistribution on a large scale. (He basically advocates taking enough money from the wealthy to fix America's problems.) Also wants to redeploy American troops abroad to New Orleans. Also wants to repeal NAFTA, pissing off our southern neighbor.
Former Democratic Congresswoman from Georgia's 4th district, and confirmed crackpot. She believes in several conspiracies, including those surrounding the Kennedy, Martin Luther King, and Tupac Shakur assassinations. She has worked with a "9/11 Truth" group, which quite likely caused her to lose her Congressional seat. She once slugged a member of the US Capitol Police when he tried to stop her from going into a restricted area, because he could not see her badge which authorized her to be there. However, she has also crafted articles of impeachment against Bush and Cheney. (Her father is apparently also an anti-Semite, blaming her first loss in Congress on Jews.). She is currently a Ph.D. student at the University of California at Berkley where she is studying the COINTELPRO program (which she believes still exists). Won the nomination
Biomedical engineer and student of alternative medicines. Opposes the use of fossil fuels, and wishes to ban the enrichment of uranium. Supports universal health care. Also, finally, supports a real solution to the "immigration problem": investment in the Mexican economy, both with large-scale investments and micro-lending, to bring the standard of living there up, while at the same time making it easier for immigrants to come to the US. Also wishes to institute "Instant Runoff Voting," where people rank their choices, rather than just selecting one person.
 "Other" party candidates
Stop the presses! Ralph Nader has announced that he will be running for President again, as of February 24, 2008.
Just for laughs: Alan Keyes is going to run in November as an independent, after getting no attention at all in the Republican contest and then losing the Constitution Party nomination in a landslide. He will be on the ballot in one state: Colorado
is was an attempt at launching a new centrist third party or fusion presidential ticket, possibly involving somebody like Michael Bloomberg or Joe Lieberman. As for Bloomberg, he is in perpetual denial that he plans to seek the 2008 presidency as an independent, yet keeps making moves that say otherwise.
Defunct - disbanded without ever agreeing on a candidate
Constitution Party -- Apparently the Constitution Party does not have primaries, but instead has a shadowy National Convention pick its candidates. However, a few lost causes ran including Don Grundmann, tax denialist and homophobe and Alan Keyes. On April 26, 2008 the party convention chose Chuck Baldwin, a Baptist preacher from Florida, who thought that 9/11 was an inside job.
Communist Party USA -- Does not seem to have any candidates running at this time; may instead decide to endorse another party's candidate (as it did in 2004 when it endorsed John Kerry, which I'm sure he appreciated. You can bet that commies liked it even more). They seem desperate to shed all traces of their former Stalinism.
Speculation that the Reform Party would again not be running a Presidential candidate, but would again endorse a minor-party candidate (as it did with Ralph Nader in 2004) turned out to be incorrect when they nominated somebody named Ted Weill as their 2008 nominee. Weill will only be on the ballot in Alabama and Mississippi. No, nobody here has ever heard of Ted Weill, either. The Reform Party has split into about 9 hostile factions since 2000  which only goes to show the only thing they ever were was a disparate group held together by H. Ross Perot fandom that took to ripping each other to shreds as soon as Perot left the room.
The Natural Law Party has apparently dissolved, and instead become a cult to Maharishi Yogi which is really what they always were anyhow.
Prohibition Party-- Nominated Gene Amondson, a landscape painter and minister. Likes to re-enact temperance sermons from the beginning of the 20th century. His only campaign plank is to criminalize alcohol.
Socialist Party USA -- Nominated Brian Moore in a convention. A recent interview on Fox News leads one to believe that his beliefs, like the SPUSA platform, are all over the place. Also, he doesn't seem to know what the word "communism" means.
No Party At All has nominated Lee Mercer Jr., but that's not stopping him. Probably the greatest candidate for the Presidency this country has ever seen, Lee's writing style is the very epitome of clear, cogent debate. America needs The Man who will "Prove I have solved every crime in the world as it happens from zero to start to finish for every crime done in Business and Commerce Intelligence National and International", apparently.
The United Fascist Party ran Jackson K. Grimes, again, as the sole member of said party.
Barack H. Obama II (Democrat)
John S. McCain III (Republican)
Our numbers are stolen from other sites and are not as accurate as the real numbers. Real numbers will be available years down the road when all ballots hidden away or "accidentally" lost are found. Until then, get over it, these are the results as they stand at the end of 2008.
 See also
- For a British take on the situation have a look at Private Eye's latest cover (11 Jan '08).
- BBC Polltracker tracks 4 polls.
- ↑ Politico: Obama Locks in Democratic Nomination June 3, 2008
- ↑ The Telegraph: Joe Biden plagiarised Neil Kinnock speech August 23 2008
- ↑ YouTube
- ↑ The Independent: Essex girl on the road to the White House November 19, 2007
- ↑ Kucinich suggests a Republican running mate
- ↑ When asked at the debate set up by Logo on homosexual issues whether sexual orientation was a choice, he said "Of course its a choice." When he found out a few days later that it wasn't the answer the gay community wanted, he backtracked very, very quickly.
- ↑ No, REALLY! Totally serious.
- ↑ Guardian on Huckabee November 2007
- ↑ HuffPo: Documents Expose Huckabee's Role In Serial Rapist's Release March 28, 2008
- ↑ This is a short condensation of his platform, from his website www.gohunter08.com
- ↑ MSNBC: Will anyone notice the Wyoming caucuses? January 5, 2008
- ↑ Libertarian Party
- ↑ 13.0 13.1 http://politics1.com/p2008-ballot.htm
- ↑ Constitution Party
- ↑ www.truthusa.org is his website, and it's rather loony.
- ↑ Breaking News: Alan Keyes Wins Constitution Party Poll, top item on http://www.alankeyes.com (retrieved 3/9/08)
- ↑ Two different groups claiming to be the "real" Reform Party currently suing each other over the name, plus the Independence Party of Minnesota, the Independence Party of New York, the Committee for a United Independent Party (whose leaders were recently expelled from the Independence Party of New York), the American Reform Party, the America First Party (Patrick Buchanan fans who took several state Reform Party chapters with them when they left), Transcendental Meditation advocate John Hagelin and his supporters (actually of the Natural Law Party but who tried taking over the Reform Party in 2000 and now support Dennis Kucinich), and ol' H. Ross himself who seems to have stepped out of the picture completely.
- ↑ Brian Moore: Issues
- ↑ Mercer for President 2008
- ↑ 20.0 20.1 20.2 Does not include minor and local candidates
|United States 2008 Presidential election articles on RationalWiki|
| Topics: 2008 U.S. Presidential Election - Democratic Party - Debate:Religious beliefs and public office - Republican Party - Same-sex marriage - United States Electoral College
Candidates: Hillary Rodham Clinton - Rudolph Giuliani - Mike Huckabee - John McCain - Alan Keyes - Dennis Kucinich - Ron Paul - Mitt Romney
Running mates: Joe Biden - Sarah Palin
Winner: Barack Obama