America Speaking Out
|Someone is wrong on|
America Speaking Out is a very controversial webshite created by the U.S. Republican Party to solicit citizen input. The site is buggy, runs very slow, often rejects posts as inappropriate because they contain words like "basement", "satisfied", "growth", "enlargement", or "excited", and provides many laughs on the Poe's Law level.
The webshite has several issue sections using obvious framing: from "the sanctity of human life" to "defeating extremists who threaten American security".
Unfortunately (for them), the webshite doesn't quite seem to be working out the way they intended. A sample of what the site is attracting:
- "A 'teacher' told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish! And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story."
This atrocious example of bad framing and Poe's Law flypaper was, incredibly, paid for with your U.S. tax dollars, and, in a very funny example of irony at work, the Democratic Party attempted to use another G.O.P. web project, "YouCut" (through which citizens can propose and vote on which government spending to cut) to propose cutting off any taxpayer funds to finance America Speaking Out..
They also award "badges" to major contributors.
 More quotable idiocy shopping
- we should make english the official language of the US and stop spending tax dollars on translations for mexicans! if english is good enough for baby jesus, its good enough for americans.
- I think America would be a better place if Republicans were more liberal and democratic.
- Rich people shouldn't pay taxes since they don't use socialist handouts like welfare and government cheese. Only the first $20,000 income should be taxed.
- Gay people make me feel funny, like when I was on the school wrestling team. Arrest them please.
- Aramaic as the Official Language of the US. We do this to respect two facts: this is a Christian Nation and Jesus spoke Aramaic, therefore, that should be our language as well. Anyone who refuses to speak the language of our Lord should be deported back to where they came from. This includes the Native Americans.
- I was going to say that we should stop daylight savings time because every time it comes around I'm confused for MONTHS. But what we should REALLY do is just standardize all American Time, so there aren't different zones. That way, I could call my brother in Louisiana in the early evening and not worry about him already being asleep because its two hours later there.
- My neighbor is a scat musician and it's very annoying. Please arrest them, also, skibbity bee-bop.
- Children are denied whippings and criminals are set free because their D&A doesn't have matches.
- We should stop invading countries so far away for oil. It's like politicians don't own maps. Canada has oil. Venezuela has oil. South America has oil. Much closer.
- Ease illegal immigration by giving Mexico a peace offering: give Texas back.
- I have virtually no understanding of the history of any country in the world besides America's, of which have a child's knowledge. I'm constitutionally unable to model the psychology of other people in my mind. I don't know a Shi'ite from a Sunn'i or a Persian from an Arab. I can't even find Lebanon on a map nor tell you how it's different from Jordan or Syria. I use the term socialist interchangeably with Marxist, communist, and Tsarist, but let me now share with you my thoughts on national security…
- Build the Star Wars missile defense system. Who cares if it works or not? It sounds super badass.
- I demand that construction of the Death Star be completed immediately. No star system will dare oppose us.
- Promote male affection in Arab nations as a way of defusing excess tension.
- We need to train an army of Ninja Cats. Cats are natural born hunters and predators, and it is known that they indeed have 9 lives, many more than the typical human life (being one). They are also excellent at hiding themselves and would be ideal for sneaking into countries and assassinating communist leaders to lessen the ever growing threat of communism, finding key terrorist leaders and shattering the global terrorist network. In fact they could be potentially useful in the current Korean crisis. Loyal to their trainers, the cats could rain destruction and fear throughout the world, and if ever captured would never tell who they are serving. Finally, after they have solved the worlds problems, they could serve as border patrol and show unflinching resolve at keeping illegals where they belong, anywhere but here.
- Breed giant scorpions which feed specifically on human flesh and release them along the border states (especially Arizona). The benefits will outweigh the occasional American casualty.
- We need to ensure that the Republicans never give us up, let us down, run around, or desert us. I support the Astley Initiative.
- Rather than wasting taxpayer dollars on dubious defense strategies, we should be focusing on efficient methods to remind the rest of the world why America is a country with whom one should not mess. Therefore, I propose hiring heavy metal band GWAR to compose a new national anthem for us to strike fear into the hearts and minds of our enemies.
- If you've seen the movie Deep Blue Sea, then you already know the answer to securing our great country. Smart sharks. Maybe with lasers
- Move Israel out of the middle east to end the high level of conflict there. Instead, create a new country for Israel, a 10 mile wide, 2000 mile long, strip along the U.S.-Mexican border. The strip is already control by the Mexican drug cartels and this will hinder their power, reduce illegal immigration, and on top of that the increased amounts of trade will lead to greater economic prosperity.
- An ICBM should be fired at the black box thing at mecca. This ICBM should be wrapped in bacon and disguised as a burrito. This will show the Islamic world the the west is not to be messed with and will inspire the same fear they've looked to instill in us. Also, the propaganda effect of using a burrito will direct some of their rage at the Mexico, which will help us with the immigration problem.
- Order IMMEDIATE professional psychiatric help for Glenn Beck. [Actually, this one is sensible]
- Belgium looked at us funny. Let's bomb them.
Some commenters submitted many authentic crazy quotes that were documented by FSTDT. For example:
- if evolution was real humans, and animals alike would not need reproductive organs.
- I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!
- was just reading the description of the Orc race on World of Warcraft's website, and it's pretty clear that they represent blacks. Check it: The savage, green-skinned Orcs are one of the most prolific races of Azeroth. They are commonly believed to be brutal and mindless, possessing no humanity or empathy for other races....
- Leviathon is a spirit I have battled as well. It was a hard battle but was won. It was about four months or more ago. My wife and I were in McDonalds and were having a conversation with an angel and Leviathon had come up. I told the angel that i wanted to fight this demon and he said I could. On the way back to the hotel I asked the angel if he could bring the demon to a predestinated place and he said yes. I figured that since Leviathon was from the depths of the sea he would be used to the cold water so I filled the tub up with scalding hot water and blessed the water. The angels (there were two now) brought Leviathon bound to the tub and fought with me. We all pulled our swords from our hips and began running this demon through with all my strength and everything I had. I would say it took atleast half an hour or more. We were all spent but the battle was won.