Biblical figures

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Biblical figures are the representatives of the mortal and divine world from the ancient Israelites to the slightly more modern first century Christians. Most of the figures are fully mythological but a few are historical, though the stories they appear in are not necessarily all that historical. Listed in alphabetical order, they include:

  • Adam - First human created by god. Also (along with Eve) the cause of all our troubles.
  • Abel - Adam and Eve's son. Famous for being murdered.
  • Abraham - The patriarch of 3 separate religions! As dad to Ishmel and Issac, he is ultimately responsible for much of the war and terrorism in the modern world.
  • Cain - First murderer in the history of Creation.
  • David, the King- That shepherd kid that killed Goliath, became King of Israel and Judah, creeps on ladies while they're bathing, and set a guy up to his doom, so he can bang his wife. His son was much wiser.
  • Esther
  • Eve - Temptress and apple pie maker. Also the reason women have to be bitchy for 4 days a month.
  • Goliath - Big big guy who fought David...and lost.
  • Isaac - Abraham's second son. His lineage became the Jews.
  • Ishmael - Abraham's first son. His lineage became the Arabs.
  • Jesus - Big dude's son. Died for our sins - or not.
  • Saint Joseph - Husband of Mary and a possible father of Jesus.
  • Joseph, son of Jacob
  • Judas Iscariot- One of the twelve disciples, but ends up betraying Jesus with a kiss on the cheek....He dies.
  • Mary - the eternal virgin and the mother of Jesus.
  • Mary Magdalene - Jesus' wife, student, or prostitute, depending on who you believe.
  • Moses - White bearded dude who saw a bush, found some laws which made dishonoring your parents a crime, but not raping a stranger.
  • Nebuchadnezzar - Babylonian king that supposedly thrashed the unified Judea. (Not to be confused with this guy.)
  • Noah - dude that built the arc before the Great Flood.
  • Paul of Tarsus - Inventor of "Paulitheism", today known as Christianity
  • Pontius Pilate
  • Ruth
  • YHWH - Also known as El Shaddia, El Elyona, Elohiem, God, Lord, Shekina, Nissa, Jirah, YHWH-shalhom... well, you get the picture. He's the big bad dude that cursed us all for eating an apple, and drowned every last living thing just cause humans are sorta sucky beings.
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