Book of Ezekiel
|For it is so written in|
“”Thus saith the Lord God, Woe to the women that sew pillows.... Behold, I am against your pillows.
The Book of Ezekiel is a schizophrenic fever dream masquerading as a book of prophecy. It features UFOs, a really dubious bread recipe, a famous old gospel song-slash-anatomy lesson, a rather bizarre passage about God hating pillows, kerchiefs, and a wall; and Chapter 23, the Bible's very own Rule 34, to which every Christian boy has spanked it at least once. God orders Ezekiel to bake bread using his own poop in front of other people, and lie on one side for 390 days, then on the other for 40. At one point Ezekiel eats a scroll, and finds it tasty. His recipe for bibliophagy however would be lost, as later on in the Bible John eats a book, and while tasty, it gives him a stomach ache.
Like Revelation, Ezekiel is an example of why, these days, we have social workers.
 See also
|Guide to the Jewish and Christian Scriptures edit|
|Torah: Genesis - Exodus - Leviticus - Numbers - Deuteronomy Old Testament History: Book of Joshua - Book of Judges - Ruth - Samuel (1 & 2) - Kings (1 and 2 Kings) - Chronicles - Ezra and Nehemiah - Book of Esther Old Testament Wisdom: Book of Job - Psalms - Book of Proverbs - Ecclesiastes - Song of Solomon Major Prophets: Isaiah - Book of Jeremiah - Lamentations - Book of Ezekiel - Book of Daniel Minor Prophets: Minor Prophets
Deuterocanon (Catholic and Orthodox): - Tobit - Judith - 1 Maccabees - 2 Maccabees - Book of Wisdom - Sirach - Baruch - Letter of Jeremiah Deuterocanon (Orthodox): 1 Esdras - 3 Maccabees - Prayer of Manasseh - Psalm 151 Deuterocanon (Georgian Orthodox): 4 Maccabees - 2 Esdras Ethiopian Orthodox ("narrow" canon): Jubilees - Enoch - Rest of the Words of Baruch - 1-3 Meqabyan Syriac Peshitta: 2 Baruch Psalms 152-155
The Gospels: Gospel of Matthew - Gospel of Mark - Gospel of Luke - Gospel of John Acts: Acts of the Apostles Pauline Epistles: Romans - 1 & 2 Corinthians - Galatians - Ephesians - Philippians - Colossians - First Thessalonians - Second Thessalonians - First Timothy - Second Timothy - Titus - Epistle to Philemon General Epistles: Epistle to the Hebrews - Epistle of James - First Peter - Second Peter - 1 John - 2 John - 3 John - Epistle of Jude Revelation: Book of Revelation