Book of Ezekiel
| For it is so written in |
| Scriptures |
| Reference |
| Analysis |
“”Thus saith the Lord God, Woe to the women that sew pillows.... Behold, I am against your pillows.
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| —Ezekiel 13:18-20 |
The Book of Ezekiel is a schizophrenic fever dream masquerading as a book of prophecy. It features UFOs, a really dubious bread recipe, a famous old gospel song-slash-anatomy lesson, a rather bizarre passage about God hating pillows, kerchiefs, and a wall; and Chapter 23[1], the Bible's very own Rule 34, to which every Christian boy has spanked it at least once. God orders Ezekiel to bake bread using his own poop in front of other people, and lie on one side for 390 days, then on the other for 40. At one point Ezekiel eats a scroll, and finds it tasty. His recipe for bibliophagy however would be lost, as later on in the Bible John eats a book, and while tasty, it gives him a stomach ache.
Like Revelation, Ezekiel is an example of why, these days, we have social workers.