Caiden Cowger

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Caiden Cowger is a 15 year-old teenage conservative, political commentator, radio talk show host, "author", and self-proclaimed "hero of the youth" who attained quite a bit of notoriety throughout the interwebs. Said notoriety came from a video uploaded to YouTube on June 7th, 2012 titled "Obama is Making Kids Gay" in which he, as the title suggests, pins the apparent increase of recognized "homosexshals" on president Barack Obama's speaking out in the name of gay rights. Upon closer inspection, he appears to be another generic "Gawd, gunz 'n gayz" conservative who just so happens to be young. Being as such, there is still a shred of hope that a day will come in which he grows up and realizes just how much of an idiot he came off as. But alas, today is not that day.


[edit] View-botting scandal

In the true spirit of Republicanism, Caiden has taken advantage of the system. That is, he botted the views on his videos. This issue came to prominence when YouTube user ElectricUnicycleCrew made a video which called him out on it based on suspicion. From then on, further evidence had been provided and Caiden had been put at risk of losing his partnership. On an alternate account, he defended himself with a video in which he claimed the "liberals" were trying to "ruin his reputation". Soon after, he addressed the accusations on his main channel claiming that he did not know how to viewbot and he closed video statistics in order to troll people.[1]

[edit] Restoring America

Yes. Apparently Mr. Cowger has his own book titled Restoring America. In it, he addresses "how america's morals, economy, and principles are being destroyed" [sic])[2] with poorly written and grammatically incorrect walls of text displaying run-of-the-mill conservative "reasoning". Oh, and kid, here's a hint: Jesus-is-savior is not a reliable resource. Needless to say, it was not very well-received. Except by this guy, apparently.

[edit] Commentary

Some commentary to make Caiden Cowger a bit more amusing. It's like spreading icing on an armed grenade before eating it.

Straight Pride Month!

  • 00:05 What on Earth are you trying to pull off?
  • 00:10 You bastard! That's almost as bad as white history month, or a birthday without cake.
  • 00:35 Look at him flaunt his Chik-Fil-A cup about. For someone who claimed in several videos not to be for the bullying of homosexuals, he's being a pretty shrivelled cock about this new creation of his.
  • 00:45 You know, not all gay men go out half naked or in gimp straps as you're depicting here. I thought homosexuals were like you and me, but now that you showed me that they're all a bunch of thong-wearing man-sluts, my perspective has done a complete 360 and I still absolutely refuse to accept your stereotypes as accurate.
  • 01:04 Are you saying straight people had nothing before? As if they're second class? After hundreds of years of discrimination towards homosexuals, you have the nerve to say that straight people had nothing? You got some mighty big balls, and it's a wonder that they haven't dropped.
  • 01:08 I can't tell if he's holding back tears, or a burp, but It would have to be a burp, because such a creature has no tear ducts, as he has no feelings.
  • 01:23 If the content of what he says doesn't scare you away, the pausing, stuttering, and monotony will.
  • 01:46 It might be nice to see some original content you know
  • 02:09 Those are called sane people, Caiden. They're everywhere, but can't seem to encounter one another, and instead are stuck with people like you.
  • 02:16 Why does this phrase seem so damn familiar?
  • 02:26 You need two things at this point, kid. A dictionary and a mirror.
  • 02:30 A hateful person? I'm not sure that one is in the dictionary, but you could still use the mirror.
  • 02:34 It has feelings?
  • 02:36 Is this how wing-nuts are on their periods?
  • 02:41 Rainbow: "an arc or circle that exhibits in concentric bands the [colours] of the spectrum and that is formed opposite the sun by the refraction and reflection of the sun's rays in raindrops, spray, or mist"[2] Black is not a colour, and white light is not a rainbow. How in the name of all protons can you have a black and white rainbow? Are you getting rainbows and zebras confused? It's okay. I have a fifteen-month-old nephew who makes that exact same mistake.


  • 00:07 It's always good when a wing-nut starts off by talking about the founding fathers.
  • 00:15 You heard it here, folks! If it's a conspiracy theory devised by the right then it must be true!
  • 00:18 The agenda in which they enact tyranny?
  • 01:08 I'm sorry Mr. President, but by mentioning the media and what they do, you're setting yourself up for a lot of exaggerated accusations.
  • 01:17 I may not be a religious man... but my God have mercy on my soul
  • 01:38 This isn't a parody. This is a journey into the core of the auditory nerve of a wing-nut. This is quite literally exactly what they hear whenever Obama speaks.
  • 01:51 Is he implying that radical right media is the only thing preventing tyranny? If he is, I can start a very very long list of things it's preventing, starting with progress and free thinking.
  • 02:12 No gun + Muslim + Obama + Not listening to conservative media = EPITOME OF PURE TYRANNICAL EVIL!!!1!111!!
  • 02:15 Well at least Pseudobama has taste.
  • 02:30 That last sound clip has assaulted me intellectually...
  • 02:40 I take that back. That one was much worse.
  • 02:44 Yes we did Caiden, Yes we did. We wish we hadn't, though.

Arizona Christians Second Class Citizens

  • 00:15 No please. Don't start this.
  • 00:22 Oh god he's starting this.
  • 00:34 Well maybe, but...
  • 00:36 It's possible. I mean she does work for the government in Arizona.
  • 00:50 I'm afraid to ask... but... a bill like what?
  • 01:08 I still have no clue what the hell you're talking about.
  • 01:30 Oh I see now. So only the Christians matter right? Gotta appeal to that waspy demographic of yours!
  • 01:42 There he goes with the homosexuals again. Could you maybe go more than 4 minutes WITHOUT bringing up your views on homosexuality?
  • 01:50 You still need to elaborate for all the people who don't live in, and most likely, give no shits about Arizona and what it's doing.
  • Okay! So after reading the video description, we can see that an Arizona governor actually did something sensible and Vetoed a bill that would allow Christian merchants to deny service to homosexuals. If little Mr. Cowger knew anything about how America's constitutional government worked, he'd know that your freedoms only extend until they interfere with the freedoms of others, much in the same way that his bantering interferes with my sanity and will to live on the same planet.

[edit] Footnotes

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