Books of Chronicles
|For it is so written in|
Chronicles are two book of the Bible in which, after a huge shout-out to the author's dead homies, some stuff happens to some people, presumably Jewish people, because this is the Old Testament, but also whoever the Jews were hating on at the time. They get into a war with them, then some of them die, and then some of them begat some others. And in the end all hell has broken loose cause someone else won. They are divided into 1 Chronicles and 2 Chronicles.
God gets a cameo kicking David's ass for ordering a census, because accurate enumeration of citizens is an abomination unto the LORD. Seriously, he nearly destroys Jerusalem. Apparently God forgot that back in 2 Samuel he was the one who told David to do it:
"And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah" - 2 Samuel 24:1
So Chronicles represents God's attempt to cover up this rash error. Now the story is:
"And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel." - 1 Chronicles 21:1
Yeah, that's the ticket.
 See also
- RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/1 Chronicles
- RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/2 Chronicles
- Michele Bachmann