Creep shaming

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Arguably, the worst thing a woman can say to a man, short of false accusations of rape, battery, molestation or sexual harassment, is the word "creep."
—"John the Other"[1]

"Creep shaming" is a term derived from "slut shaming." It is used predominantly by MRAs and other "masculinist" types as a defense against charges that certain behaviors, generally towards women, are creepy. The logic in the term's use is that the man in question is being made to feel ashamed just for being male rather than the specific context of how he has behaved, and that the women shaming him are saying that they don't want men to flirt with women at all. Needless to say, this is bullshit, since the implication is that, creepy behavior isn't bad...

What some call "creep shaming" is actually pointing out a variety of inappropriate behaviors, including, but not limited to: persistent and/or disrespectful sexual propositioning (including cold-propositioning[2]); assuming that women are seeking their attention; failing to read obvious body language that expresses a lack of interest on the part of the targeted woman; and failing to take "no" for an answer.

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[edit] Making women vulnerable

The "anti-creep shaming campaign" is about discouraging women from protecting themselves from harm. A woman sometimes intuitively feels she is not safe with a creepy man, but is made to feel guilty about acting on this feeling. "And it's a really freaking dangerous idea to twist a woman's open, honest communication about her boundaries/expectations into ‘creep shaming' that victimizes men." —Jessica Wakeman[3]

An example which had some impact in the blogosphere in 2012 occurred when blogger Jessica Wakeman posted an "open letter" about a bad dating experience which had culminated in her being called "mean and bitchy" as well as "crazy."[4] In the comments thread, one reader posted a lengthy comment very much taking the man's side and explaining his behaviour as a response to feeling "creep shamed."[5] Wakemen responded to this comment in her next blog, entitled "Why 'Creep Shaming' Is Total BS," again prompting hostile comments from MRA supporters.[3] Other bloggers picked up on this issue, exploring the phenomenon of creep shaming as well as connotations of the word "creep" itself.[6]

[edit] Who complains

According to the men's rights activists, misogynists, and other frustrated male cranks who coined the phrase, creep shaming is a weapon that women (or feminists in particular) use to persecute men, and an example of female "privilege."

An example of this delusional worldview can be seen in this comment posted on Reddit in 2011,[7] which has since become a popular talking point in both MRA and feminist circles:

Creep shaming is probably one of the most insidious and anti-equality things you can do. The ability to label men as "creepy" is just one privilege that women enjoy, and a constant source of fear of ostracizing that all men must fear in our society.

The people who like to throw the term around tend to be bitter misogynists with a near-total lack of self-awareness, they therefore avoid paying attention to the whole context of what "creepiness" is. The term 'creep' describes effectively when someone has overstepped someone else's boundaries and may make it hard to avoid reflecting on the impact of this behavior. A person can only stop being a creep by genuinely respecting others and their boundaries more.

The creep shaming meme also ties in with other common ideas among such misogynists, such as a disdain for women having agency and the pick-up artist view that if your attempts at seducing a chick don't work, there must be something wrong with her and not you. That a woman trying to avoid a man she considers a possible threat is worse than the prospect of a guy not being able to pursue a woman. The subtext is that these guys don't want to acknowledge that they may actually have some personality issues to work out before most women will show interest in them, so instead they attack women for, essentially, having standards and an instinct for self-preservation. It's essentially entitled NiceGuyism turned into a debating point.

People who complain about creep-shaming tend to make the common assumption that equality equals fairness. Equality in the dating sphere is a goal both men and women should work towards but fairness has nothing to do with how one feels about someone else and it is entirely a judgement call made by someone else.

[edit] Relationship with slut shaming

Practitioners of slut shaming and the anti-creep-shaming crowd are making the same fundamental assumption about human sexuality. Both are essentially arguments from biological determinism. Slut shaming operates under the assumption that women are not supposed to be sexually active and/or have sexual desires. Those who decry creep shaming are taking the related traditionalist argument, that the male sex-drive is all-powerful and therefore it is inappropriate to criticize "creeps" for being slaves to their genitalia: a concept which might itself be called creepy.

Needless to say, slut-shaming is a powerful device used by society to control the sexuality of women while creep-shaming is a bullshit term created by men who didn't get as far as they wanted with a women due to their own behavior and then want to shift the blame to someone else. One has a history, is studied by competent social scientists and has data behind it, the other is a complete example of toxic male privilege in its raw form. Some MRA's try to say that both are equally destructive but this is a false equivalence.

[edit] Creeps and flirting

There's a difference between "creepy" behaviour and flirting. The women who protest against actual creeps do not want to prevent men from ever trying to sexually or romantically pursue women, but draw awareness to the fact that there are respectful and appropriate ways of doing so.

[edit] Footnotes

  1. A Voice for Men, "Use of the Word “Creep” Demonstrates Female Privilege", John the Other, March 6, 2011.
  2. In non-sexual situations; when you're at, say, SwingerCon3000 this is probably part of the point
  3. 3.0 3.1 The Frisky, "Why “Creep Shaming” Is Total BS" Jessica Wakeman, April 6, 2012.
  4. The Frisky, "An Open Letter To The Guy Who Called Me “Crazy”", Jessica Wakeman, April 6, 2012.
  5. Comment by ConfessionalID
  6. Example" [1]
  7. Comment by AntiBigots in a Reddit thread that is rich in male butthurt.
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