|—We must have the wrong person, right?|
General Dwight David "Ike" Eisenhower (1890-1969) was a war hero (World War II if you fell asleep during history class), the 34th President of the United States and the greatest Swiss-American (after Renee Zellweger of course). He helped engineer the final offensive against Nazi Germany in France and the Fatherland during 1944-1945. In 1952, he was "drafted" by the Republican Party to run against "egghead" Adlai Stevenson. He launched the political career of Tricky Dick by selecting him as a running mate.
It is well known that everyone liked Ike for president.
 Domestic policy
Ike was a
total commie moonbat pragmatic and forward-thinking president. His domestic policies enacted historic change within the US. He signed the first set of civil rights bills into law and pushed the desegregation process forward. When you drive on the interstate highway system, you can thank Ike for starting that. He created NASA, and instituted the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare. The expansion of Social Security was also one of his signature domestic policies.
Unfortunately, the "In God We Trust" national motto, as well as the "under God" addition to the Pledge of Allegiance, occured under Eisenhower's tenure. It wasn't just Christianity that Ike liked. He was persuaded by a lengthy 1954 National Security Council (NSC) memorandum, "The Religious Factor" by Edward P. Lilly to cultivate Islamist sentiment as an ideological weapon in the Cold War. (How could something like that ever come back to haunt you?)
 Foreign policy
Ike's foreign policy was
commie appeasement a hybrid of dove and hawk. At the time, the Republicans were known for being the appeasers doves of the two-party system, and Ike had run against Robert Taft, who ran as a non-interventionist, on the platform of both ending the Korean War and fighting Communism. He popularized the "domino effect" concept of foreign policy, believing that Communism would spread like falling dominoes. However, he quickly withdrew from Korea and left a South Korea that could (with some help) defend itself from the North.
On the downside, he started the trend of allowing the CIA to dick around in foreign countries to support dictatorships. Ike caught the "Commies under every bed" bug for a few brief moments in his presidency. The first time was in 1953 when Winston Churchill convinced him that Mohammed Mossadegh, the democratically elected president of Iran, was turning Red. This was actually bullshit as Mossadegh himself was anti-Communist — Churchill was just pissed because he nationalized Iran's oil industry. The Brits and Americans took out Mossadegh and replaced him with the Shah. This came back to bite the US in the ass in 1979. Ike also sent contingents of "military advisors" to Vietnam, and although it was really barely anything at that point, it paved the way for JFK, LBJ, and Nixon to completely fuck it up.
He also let the CIA take out Jacobo Arbenz of Guatemala, another democratically elected leader. At the time, Guatemala had been completely fucked over by US railroad and fruit monopolies. Arbenz enacted land reform to allow farmers to use the fallow land owned by the United Fruit Company (UFC, later Chiquita). The CIA then cooked up some bogus connections between Arbenz and the Soviet Union to intervene on behalf of the UFC. Ike signed off on it and professional propagandist Edward Bernays then spread this bullshit conspiracy through one of the first big PR campaigns in history.
Ike's farewell speech is arguably the most famous in US history behind George Washington's farewell speech. After stocking up on high explosives, he warned the American people of a growing "military-industrial complex." He cautioned that arms dealers and defense contractors might influence foreign policy in the future because of this. Too bad no one listened to him.
Despite his CIA screw-jobs, religious apologizing and failure to fight McCarthyism, Ike is remembered as one of the more practical and competent, if not outstanding, presidents of the 20th century. However, today's Republicans seem to have forgotten he even existed. Probably because, as the John Birch Society claimed at the time, he was a total
war hero RINO pinko commie. Ike was a fiscal conservative, but he "soaked the rich" with a 90% top tax rate to maintain a balanced budget. This is, of course, social democracy socialism. Never mind that he oversaw the post-war economic boom, which would later be called "The Golden Age of Capitalism." Ike also totally trashed those calling for a repeal of New Deal programs, saying:
“”Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are H.L. Hunt (you possibly know his background), a few other Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid.
He also said some other pretty socialist things, such as:
“”Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.
Opposition to Ike's moderate agenda from the far-right lead to a backlash in which ultraconservatives largely took over the Republican Party in the 1960's. They have solidified their power ever since.
 See also
- ↑ Nope.
- ↑ Ike for President
- ↑ Though he could probably be excused for this as it's nearly fucking impossible to get rid of even today. Seriously, 396 to 9?
- ↑ Ian Johnson, 2011. A Mosque in Munich. New York: Mariner Books. Pp. 69-75. ISBN 978-0-547-42317-3.
- ↑ Ike's farewell address
- ↑ Ike says they're stupid
- ↑ 7.0 7.1 Social Justice Speeches: The Chance for Peace April 16, 1953