Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Flying Spaghetti Monster (or FSM for those too lazy to type out His whole name) is the obvious source of all Order, Sense, and Morality in the universe, the above is clear and apparent to those who have been touched by His noodly and nudely appendage.
Followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster previously called themselves "Pirates" but with the term pirates and piracy being picked on by outsiders followers have opted for the name "Pastafarians".
 Origin of the universe
 Beginning of Pastafarianism
The official beginning of Pastafarianism began many years ago with a young lad named Mosey. Mosey was short on money and managed to get a job as a short-order-cook for a horrible man named Phil. He did so by claiming to be able to cook "the best papyrus this side of the Euphrates". And true to his word he did. But after many months of backbreaking work and service, tired of bad mistreatment, he marched into Phil's office, thew down his apron and said "I'm tired of the nine to five, I'm quitting to become a Pirate!"
That got the FSMs attention and he carefully kept track of Mosey. A few years had gone by and growing tired of Phil's treatment of the other cooks, FSM found Mosey camping in the desert with plans for a massive pirate ship. FSM appeared to Mosey in a burnt roasted marshmallow and commanded Mosey to go back and free the other cooks. Although not the first to see the FSM it was with that vision Mosey, a soon to be pirate, became the first Pastafarian.
With Mosey starting as the first noble pirate/pastafarian, pirates were from then on seen as holy men. Until people started to dislike pirates and began to kill them, nearly wiping them off the planet. As all Pastafarians know, as the number of pirates decreases, the average temperature of the ocean increases. This is obvious fact. (Somalia, in its role as a leader in the community of nations, is attempting to reduce global warming by increasing the number of pirates. Pittsburgh, PA, with their Pirates, Tampa, FL, with their Buccaneers, and various colleges and high schools are also attempting to reduce global warming.)
By contrast a despicable Lincolnshire council in the UK seeks to raise world temperatures by preventing even pirate flags from being displayed.  Furthermore a student in North Carolina suffered discrimination when he was suspended for wearing a pirate costume in accordance with his Pastafarian religious obligation.  How the reason why people started to hate the pirates is unknown. The original Pastafarians were a peaceful group and were often seen handing out candy to children. Then as the killing of the pirates started they were branded as traitors, murderers and thieves. From then on the term "pirate" was seen as derogatory.
Heaven for Pastafarians is generally accepted to be a wild land containing beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. The "beer" volcano does serve other beverages should you wish. Some do wonder just how 'heavenly' this is for the poor strippers doomed to grind their way to eternity. One possible solution is that the strippers are, actually, utterly realistic animatrons of both sexes and a very extensive range of sexual orientations. This has been, in turn, seen as a way to increase the appeal to Pastafarians of both sexes and a very extensive range of sexual orientations. Another solution (and far more tradtional in pastafarianism) is that they are whatever you wish them to be and not actually real people. This has the plus side that you don't accidently look at the stripper guys balls in the booth next to yours.
For those who, through either ingnorance or stupidity, neglect and forsake the Flying Spaghetti Monster they go to hell. There are many different opinions as to what Pastafarian hell is like. Some believe it is a giant freezer where people are doomed to suffer freeze burns and frostbite for all eternity. Others believe it to look similar to Pastafarian heaven with instruments of torture. However, the basic view of hell as defined by the gospel of the FSM is that it, like heaven, has a beer volcano and stripper factory. The difference being that the beer is warm and stale, the strippers all have STD's, and there are penguins everywhere.
 Commandments (Eight I'd really rather you didn'ts)
Pastafarians believe that the great Captin Mosey was given ten stone tablets with various commandments on them, FSM called them the ten I'd really rather you didnts. Captin Mosey brought them down from Mount Salsa, however due to him having one (or five) too many swigs of grog he accidentally dropped two of them. The following was what was on the other eight tablets.
1. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don’t Believe In Me, That’s Okay. Really, I’m Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn’t About Them So Don’t Change The Subject.
2. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don’t Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.
3. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This Through You Thick Heads: Woman=Person, Man=Person. Samey-Samey. One is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We’re Talking About Fashion And I’m Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia.
4. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off The TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.
5. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******.
6. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Build multi million-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/ Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick): A. Ending Poverty B. Curing Diseases C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable. I Might Be A Complex Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM The Creator.
7. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go around Telling People I Talk To you. You’re Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can’t You Take A Hint?
8. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses Alot Of Leather/Lubrication/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures. And For The Love Of Me, Wear A CONDOM! Honestly It’s A Piece Of Rubber, If I Didn’t Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
- Bobby Henderson
- (silence) (his name is literally nothing)
- Edward Teach (Blackbeard)
- Ishmali Camuwundra (considered by some to be a saint, however it is debatable)
- Society of Vegetarian Alternatives: An order of men called the Vegetists who take a strict vow of vegetarianism and live simple pious lives devoid of meatballs and reside in the Priory of Pesto somewhere in remote Italy.
- The Anti-pasta (not to be confused with antipasti, which is what Italians call appetizers, which of course is the stuff you eat before you eat pasta)
- 888. The number of the pasta. Some scholars think that this is a mystical reference to the coveted gold pieces-of-eight sought by saintly pirates. Other scholars think something else.
 End times
- The FSM will conquer The Anti-pasta in the Battle of Alfredo and cast him and his followers into the Eternal Fetid Dempsey-Dumpster out behind the stripper factory where there will be weeping and frequent raccoon raids.
 Pastafarian holidays
- International Talk Like a Pirate day: 19 September
- every Friday, especially Friday the 13th
- Holiday (25 December) 
 Pastafarian Doctrine
The Pastafarians doctrine is called the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It is the infallible word of FSM.
Although there is not definite way to pray, prophet Ragu has given this as a guide.
Our Pasta, who "Arghh" in the colander, Swallowed be thy sauce. Thy serving come, Thy food be yum, On forks as they are on spoons. Give us our daily sauce, And forgive our mess, As we forgive those who mess against us. And lead us not into hell, But deliver us some pizza, For thine is the noodles, the sauce and the meatballs. R'Amen
 See also
- Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster website:
- Official website for Talk Like a Pirate Day
- Holy Spaghetti Sauce What's spaghetti without sauce?