Franklin D. Roosevelt

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Franklin D. Roosevelt, according to some people
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It is difficult to find a reputable American historian who will acknowledge the crude fact that a Franklin Roosevelt, say, wanted to be President merely to wield power, to be famed and to be feared. To learn this simple fact one must wade through a sea of evasions: history as sociology, leaders as teachers, bland benevolence as a motive force, when, finally, power is an end to itself, and the instinctive urge to prevail the most important single human trait, the necessary force without which no city was built, no city destroyed.
Gore Vidal

Franklin Delano Roosevelt (January 30, 1882 - April 12, 1945) was the 32nd President of the United States (March 4, 1933 - April 12, 1945). As his full name exceeds seven syllables by one syllable, his name is often abbreviated to FDR (his initials), shortening the time it takes to say his name, allowing the conversation to finish slightly sooner because of the saved time and as such spend more time doing other things post-FDR-related conversation.[1] He married his fifth cousin once removed,Wikipedia's W.svg no not that fifth cousin.

From 1933 to 1945, FDR is the longest serving President in American history, serving 12 straight years and winning four straight terms; he died a month into his fourth term. He was, in many ways, President for Life.

Notably, he is also the last American president to have been fluent in a language other than EnglishFrench and German.[2]

War and the Depression[edit]

FDR is most well known for guiding the country through the Great Depression[3] and preparing the nation to fight in World War II. He is also the only president who has ever served more than two terms, having been elected to four terms, although he died in office early in his fourth term.[4] This unprecedented run inspired the 22nd Amendment; unless this amendment is repealed, no president will again serve more than two terms.

Internment of minorities[edit]

Roosevelt was infamous for trying to "pack" the Supreme Court and signed Executive Order 9066 that sent those of Italian, German, and Japanese descent (but also those considered "Japanese," like Koreans and Taiwanese) on the West Coast to internment camps. Seemingly hoping to inspire the government to bestow the same fate upon Muslims in America, Wingnut "author" Michelle Malkin even wrote a book In Defense of Internment as apologetics for internment... an FDR achievement that conservatives seem slightly grateful for.

Pinko commie policies[edit]

The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.
—Franklin Roosevelt, pinko commie, second inaugural address[5]

He was and is to this day hated by the American right-wing who claim his "Communist" policies damaged the country, and, by extension, since the United States is all that matters, the world. The assertions by conservatives that FDR's policies were "communist" are, of course, complete bullshit; he didn't even manage to nationalize any businesses. He did, nevertheless, start a social welfare program (government takeover of the pension industry!) that's still in effect today and remains widely popular.

The man in the chair[edit]

"I won't stand for this!" — FDR, on polio
Uncyclopedia being (gruesomely) witty for once.

When Roosevelt was 39, he contracted polio (or possibly Guillain–Barré syndromeWikipedia's W.svg) and was effectively paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his life.[6] His illness was downplayed during his presidency because people really were shallow enough not to vote for a disabled man in order to maintain a better public image. Surprisingly, he never got round to creating real-life Daleks (too far?).

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. Do you think people avoid saying 'John Fitzgerald "Jack" Kennedy' just for the good of their health?
  2. http://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/politics-government/election/article59196843.html
  3. For alternate history, see Amity Shlaes
  4. He's also had the most vice presidents in John N. Garner, Henry A. Wallace, and Harry S. Truman.
  5. http://avalon.law.yale.edu/20th_century/froos2.asp
  6. This didn't stop him from practically dragging himself up a gravel driveway everyday in an attempt to partially recover. Whatever your opinion of the man, you have to admit, that deserves a tip of the hat.
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*Ran for VP on the "National Union" ticket together with Lincoln but was otherwise a lifelong Democrat