Fun:Colorado
Colorado' is a western state in the United States. It was founded in 1984 by Ted Haggard and James Dobson in 1861 as a U.S. territory, and became a state in 1876.
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[edit] Origin
The word "Colorado" is a corruption of a Native American tribal language meaning "White man come here to snowboard on weekend." It was founded on 50-50 land.[1] It was granted statehood in 1876, giving the state its nickname "The Centennial State", which won out over the "Goddamn, those mountains are high"[2] state.
[edit] Culture
Colorado has no culture, period. When people say to a Coloradoan, "bring me something traditional, or emblematic of your state", a Coloradoan will quiver in fear. Other than some "Cowboys and Indians" which aren't really that influential in the state, and lots of mining, there isn't much.
There are no distinctly "Coloradoan" restaurants to speak of, and no real "traditional food" unless you want to try some buffalo, rattlesnake, or Rocky Mountain Oysters—but those are far from traditional dishes. There's no "Denver style pizza" or "Rocky Mountain Chili" or a Pikes Peak Hotdog. Instead, you get watered down versions of New York or Chicago style pizza, which anyone from NY or Chicago cringes at. There is a Denver omelet, but rumor has it, it was actually invented in California. The closest anyone has tried are the "Mountain pies" ("Colorado Style Pizza") served at the BeauJo's located around the Front Range. Drinks are served in Ball jars, and the dessert is the extra-doughy pizza crust (sweetened by application of honey kept at every table)—but every time one user goes there, he finds a hair in the sauce.
Colorado does, however, brew a tremendous amount of beer, both in large quantities (Coors, Budweiser) and in small batches (one could include megabytes worth of data here about the different microbreweries and brew pubs in the state).
On the cocktail side, the "Colorado Bulldog", which is simply a White Russian with a splash of cola, was probably invented in Russia. No one in Colorado drinks it.[3] Add whipped cream and Galliano, and you have a "Root Beer Float".
Residents of Colorado tend to be divided into three groups: "natives" (people born in the state), "transplants" (people who moved to the state and loved it, never wanting to return to whatever shithole-of-a-state they came from) and "fucking Texans with their God-damned Winnebagos going 20 MPH under the speed limit in the left lane!"
[edit] Claims to fame
The state is mostly a wasteland of gold prospectors, New Agers, mountains, and Radio Station WWV which rocks harder than Metal Machine Music and will give you the bends if you listen to it for more than 30 minutes. Colorado has long been in running competition with West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Montana, and Nevada for the state with the highest ratio of tommyknockers to humans.
The city of Deer Trail claims to be the home of the world's first rodeo.[4] It's also quite possible that Deer Trail has the world's ugliest website.[5]
The Colorado beetle is a serious pest of potatoes.
Colorado once (quite recently in fact, 1975–1987) had a governor who proclaimed the elderly and terminally ill have a duty to die.
Medical marijuana is currently legal in the state of Colorado for all municipalities that vote to allow its sale. The application process for opening a dispensary is time-consuming and expensive, but the municipalities (and the state at large) have benefitted greatly from the increased sales tax revenues; as have the realtors and landlords that are renting/selling the commercial space to host the dispensaries. The legalization has also created new jobs in sales and in cultivation for those who pass rigorous background checks. Purchasing requires a "caregiver identification card", meaning the holder is taking care of someone who has a doctor's prescription for the drug.
As of the end of 2012, recreational use of marijuana is legal in Colorado and in Washington.
[edit] Sports
Colorado is represented by many sports teams, but only four really count for anything:
The Colorado Rockies, in baseball, made it all the way to the World Series in 2007, before being swept by the Boston Red Sox. Both they and their host city, much like St. Louis and the Cardinals three years previously, were gracious and sportsmanlike hosts. This sort of behavior is typical of the Midwest, while quite rare in East Coast cities like Boston or New York.
In football (soccer), they are represented by the Colorado Rapids. This is a group that has never had a decent season and probably never will. Ridiculously cheap tickets are constantly promoted on TV, but no one cares. Few people would ever admit to being to a game even if they did buy some.
In football (football) the team is the Denver Broncos, a team known for many years as one to choke in the big game. That all changed when the Patron Saint of Denver, John Elway, led the team to back to back championships in the 90's. In accordance to the sacred reverence due his name, blaspheming the name Elway is punishable by mob justice and instant crucifixion on the 16th Street Mall (a walking mall in the area).[6] Belittling Tim Tebow, however, is not yet considered hate speech, especially considering his relative n00bish-ness, his polarizing viewpoints, and general inability to consistently score during regular play and not rely almost entirely on last-ditch scoring drive efforts (but now that he has moved on to another team, he is fair game).
The state basketball team is known as the Denver Nuggets, in honor of the huge amounts of bite sized chicken eaten by residents in any calendar year. They aren't good.
The most successful team is the Colorado Avalanche hockey team, winning the Stanley Cup on several occasions and seemingly giving the cold fair weather fans of Denver a team that can be counted on. But after 10 years, and the retirement of Forseberg, Sakic and Roy, they too have become rather mediocre.
Most locals with any sense just ignore the big sports and go skiing or hiking.
[edit] Geometry
When viewed from above, Colorado is a simple rectangle. However, when viewed from the side, one half is dead flat and the other is really bumpy.
[edit] Famous people not from Colorado
- John Denver was not from Colorado although he wanted you to believe he was. See also West Virginia for another example of this liberal deceit on the part of John Denver.
- C.W. McCall also pretended to be from Colorado but was actually from Iowa. He did later relocate and get himself elected mayor of Ouray, Colorado.
- Richard "Duty to Die" Lamm was from Madison, Wisconsin.
[edit] References
- ↑ 50% stolen from Mexico, 50% stolen from the Indians
- ↑ And so am I
- ↑ Four years of bartending in Denver, never made a single one.
- ↑ http://www.deertrailcolorado.org/
- ↑ http://www.deertrailcolorado.org/
- ↑ Seriously though, talk bad about Elway, and they will hurt you.