Fun:Florida

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Florida is America's wang, and hangs chad-like, proudly over the Caribbean from the United States' abdomen. It is also the least explicable of the weird states, being the only state so honored with its own tag by Fark.com. For example, part of the coast is referred to as the "Redneck Riviera" but also features gay pride gatherings every Memorial Day weekend.

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[edit] Demographics

Due to its geographic location, it is home to both large numbers of retired Americans from northerly climes, and (the descendants of) disenfranchised Cuban businessmen who were pwned by Fidel Castro in 1959. Also flying cockroaches large enough to need their own runways.

[edit] Retirees

Retirees in Florida are required to submit to the following provisions prior to being allowed past the Florida state line checkpoints:

  • New Florida residents above the age of 64½ are required by Florida Statute to wear enormous sunglasses that cover their already enormous coke-bottle trifocals. While not in use and at night time, they are required to be displayed conspicuously on the front seat of their Crown Victoria (or other large vehicle as deemed appropriate by local law enforcement).
  • Per the aforementioned article, all new Florida residents of the specified age are required to drive a vehicle no less than 20 feet in length and maintain speeds no more than 10 (ten) miles per hour below the posted speed limit. (This statute is temporarily lifted if the driver is en route to a bingo game and has proper bingo identification)

[edit] Foreign residents

As of FY2010, all resident aliens will be required to pay a state entry and exit tariff in the amount of 20% of their gross income. Conversely, all illegal aliens will receive a scholarship to the University of Florida, a (non-transferable) all-access pass to Café Risque (with multiple convenient locations along I-75), and a yearly stipend of no less than 20% of the average gross income of all legal citizens residing in the state.

Key West thinks they are a foreign country, the "Conch Republic." But they aren't.

[edit] Exports

Florida currently leads all other states in the Union in exporting Cuban sandwiches, sunburns, hurricanes, and mild invectives hurled by old timers about how gas used to cost a nickel back in their day.

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