Fun:Justin Bieber

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Justin Bieber, angry at this article. Nice Bieber!
Justin Drew Bieber (born Satan von Lucifer) is the Devil himself, responsible for the destruction of millions of innocent souls. At age 13, he was appointed by God as CTO (Chief Torture Officer) of Hell. He is widely considered the most evil person in history, a title he attained by developing new musical torture methods which allow him to cause torment on a global scale.


[edit] Early Life

Justin Bieber was born in Gehenna, Judea, to the Antichrist and the Whore of Babylon. From an early age, he expressed an interest in sadism and evil. His parents supported his hobbies, and at age 5, he was sent off to Baghdad to be an apprentice to Saddam Hussein. Over the course of the next 7 years, Bieber traveled across the world, studying with such prominent individuals as Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Fidel Castro, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, Osama bin Laden, and Hu Jintao. In 2006, he completed his training and returned to his hometown, applying for a position in Hell. He was appointed CTO in 2007, and since then has been promoted to Devil, the youngest person ever to hold the post.

[edit] Leadership of Hell

The Fallen Angel

Under the Devilhood of Justin Bieber, the amount of suffering damned souls experience has increased exponentially. Bieber shocked the world when he announced the decommission of the classic Lake of Fire, and replaced it with the new Bieber Musical Punishment System. While the initial reaction was skeptical, the BMPS soon proved to be a massive hit. Surveys reported a near-infinite increase in suffering, pain, and general anguish.

[edit] Bieber Musical Punishment System

"♫♬ Who farted?"

Bieber is best known for the invention of the Bieber Musical Punishment System, a radical new torture method which uses incredibly unpleasant music that directly induces every possible unpleasant emotion. When Bieber first announced the idea, many expressed concern, wondering what music could possibly be so terrible. He quickly proved their concerns unfounded when 100% of the people who listened to his music developed an obsession with killing him.

Bieber has tried promoting the use of the BMPS in other places as well. Dick Cheney was the first to sign up, but after he accidentally listened to one of the songs, he decided that this was too much even for the worst of terrorists.

[edit] Current Life

A visit to Florida

Bieber currently resides at 666 Damnation Road, in the 9th Circle of Hell, also known as Canuckistan. He enjoys flying around the world, holding mass satanic torture rituals (also known as Justin Bieber Concerts) wherever he goes. Strangely, people apparently increasingly enjoy pain and anguish, since his concerts sell out in minutes.

[edit] External links

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