The Pope is an old Catholic who gets to wear an extra-special funny hat.
He is chosen by an ancient tradition of the Elementary School of Cardinals, who meet in private and toke up their stashes until someone's blunt burns pure, clean white smoke. The honor of Pope is then conferred upon the head who sparked the doobie in question.
His job consists of telling poor people to breed profusely, while telling the better off that they should send them money.
The Pope must also be a virgin, in case he encounters any hungry vampires. This is called "charity".
The Popes stool is called "Peter's Rock". We don't want to know why.
Does a bear shit in the woods?