Real Gamers™

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  • Unless you've sailed across the elephant's teacup, you're not a Real Gamer™.[1]
  • Unless you've gotten every ending of Wing Commander III - especially the one where Mark Hamill gets his guts ripped out - you're not a Real Gamer™.
  • Unless you've studied frame data, you're not a real gamer.[2]
  • Unless you've beaten the invisible level of Tetris during the game's credits, you're not a Real Gamer™.
  • Unless you hand drew RPG maps on grid paper, you're not a Real Gamer™. [3]
  • Unless you edited autoexec.bat and config.sys files, you're not a Real Gamer™.[4]
  • Unless you had to restart your computer so that you could load your game from the command prompt instead of loading Windows 3.1, you're not a Real Gamer™.[5]
  • Unless seeing the letters I, R, and/or Q in close proximity makes you curl up in a ball and cry, you're not a Real Gamer™.[6]
  • Unless you've dealt with a game stopping you because you misplaced a feelie, you're not a Real Gamer™.
  • Unless you beat an Infocom or Sierra game without calling a helpline, you're not a Real Gamer™.[7]
  • Unless you know how to get out of a maze of twisty passages, all alike, you're not a Real Gamer™.[8]
  • Unless you've genocided cockatrices, robbed the shopkeeper with a wand of digging and polymorphed your dog, you're not a Real Gamer™ and probably actually finished your degree.[9]
  • Unless you used that sweet trick to resurrect General Leo, you're not a Real Gamer™.[10]
  • Unless you cried profusely to the death of Aerith Gainsborough (and you spell it that way), you're not a Real Gamer™.[11]
  • Unless you've crashed a Cobra Mk. III into the back of a Coriolis space station, you're not a Real Gamer™.[12]
  • Unless you've pressed play on tape, you're not a Real Gamer™.[13]
  • Unless you beat another player with Slappers only, you're not a Real Gamer™.[14]
  • Unless you've mapped out the Selenitic Age subway, you're not a Real Gamer™.[15]
  • Unless you've ascended with the Orb of Zot, you're not a Real Gamer™.[16]
  • Unless you know what the Konami Code is and every game that it is used in, you're not a Real Gamer™.[17]
  • Unless you know what IDDQD means, you're not a Real Gamer™.[18]
  • Unless your whole team got killed by a blaster bomb, you're not a Real Gamer™.[19]
  • Unless you actually tried to get the truck near the S.S. Anne to move, you're not a Real Gamer™.[20]
  • Unless you can recite the Eight Virtues from memory, you're not a Real Gamer™.[21]
  • Unless you've got RSI from alternately jamming 'J' and 'K' to win the 100m, you're not a Real Gamer™.[22]
  • Unless you've logged 200+ hours in a futile effort to fill your love, faith, sex and war, and complete the final maze, you're not a Real Gamer™.[23]
  • Unless your childhood memories include a tape of 'Do they know it's Christmas' bundled with a crapton of games, you're not a Real Gamer™.[24]
  • Unless you've groaned at a game that forces you to use '6', '7', '8', '9', and '0' to control your character, you are not a Real Gamer™.[25]
  • Unless you've sat there for 10 minutes modulating the volume of a tape recorder to achieve a non-corrupted load from a tape you got free with your monthly mag subscription, you're not a Real Gamer™.[26]
  • Unless you've built your own PC, you are not a Real Gamer™.[27]

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