Fun:Republican Party Satanism conspiracy

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Notice how the stars on the party's official symbol strongly resemble Satanic pentagrams. America's stars placed upside down by accident? — I think not.

The Republican Party Satanism conspiracy is a conspiracy involving the Republican Party's secretive ties to Satanism. Despite being considered the party, more or less, of proper, Bible-loving Christians, Republicans regularly partake in Satanic rituals that affirm their unwavering devotion to Satan.[1]

When the Republicans adopted the elephant as their animal of choice over 100 years ago, they knew damn well that clever symbologists like Robert Langdon would realize that the tusks are a tribute to the horns of a goat — an animal often associated with Satan worship. But knowing that these liberal Ivy tower academics like to hoard all secretive knowledge, they said "screw it" and, for the first time, brought their Satanism into public.

The party chooses to host its headquarters and events in places of Satanic importance. The RNC headquarters, for example, the biggest presumed hot-spot of Republican Satanic activity, is in Washington, D.C., whose streets were specifically designed by likely Satanist Pierre L'Enfant to form a pentagram like the ones on the above mentioned elephant symbol.

The Republicans are also the party of the rich. Jesus hated rich folks and you know who's pretty much the opposite of Jesus? The devil. Why would supposed Jesus-loving Republicans ignore the guy's prejudices if they didn't worship his nemesis? Exactly.

[edit] List of proofs that support the conspiracy

  • The pentagrams on the elephant symbol
  • The resemblance between elephant tusks and goat horns
  • John Boehner's skin color[2]
  • Caring only for life before birth; not caring about post-natal children is vital for sacrificing them.
  • Dick Cheney
  • Conservatives like Larry Craig and Ted Haggard turning out to be gay, a prominent symptom of Satanism.

[edit] Footnotes

  1. Atheists who are aware of these deceptive practices and know that atheism is really just a branch of Satanism, are particularly frustrated due to one of the most powerful political parties on earth stealing their thunder.
  2. Boehner's skin is orange, the planet Venus is orange, Venus is known as the "morning star," "the morning star" is one of the translations for Lucifer, and Lucifer became Satan. Coincidence? Yeah right.
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