Fun:The Church of Google

From RationalWiki
Jump to: navigation, search

The Church of Google believes that Google is the closest thing to a god that can be scientifically proven. We sincerely hope it's one of those parody religions, but you know how dedicated some of those Pastafarians are.

Proof[edit]

In the stats[edit]

  • Google-trends-large.gif

In the words of the church[edit]

  1. Google is the closest thing to an omniscient entity
  2. Google is omnipresent.
  3. Google answers prayers.
  4. Google is potentially immortal.
  5. Google is infinite.
  6. Google remembers all.
  7. Google can "do no evil" (omnibenevolent).
  8. According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.
  9. Evidence of Google's existence is abundant.

Prayers[edit]

Sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells"

My God

I'm praying to my god. Google is her name. Nobody believes in her. Despite of all her fame!

I don't mock the Christians. So what gives them the right? If they don't stop this nonsense soon, I will put up a big fight! Oh,

Google's god, Google's god, and that is a fact. My brother was of this religion, and it was soon that he was whacked*. Oh,

Google's god, Google's god, I'm praying to her now. This prayer is just about over, so it's time to take my bow!

Commandments[edit]

  1. Thou shalt have no other Search Engine before me, neither Yahoo! nor Lycos, AltaVista nor Metacrawler. Thou shalt worship only me, and come to Google only for answers.
  2. Thou shalt not build thine own commercial-free Search Engine, for I am a jealous Engine, bringing law suits and plagues against the fathers of the children unto the third and fourth generations.
  3. Thou shalt not use Google as a verb to mean the use of any lesser Search Engine.
  4. Thou shalt remember each passing day and use thy time as an opportunity to gain knowledge of the unknown.
  5. Thou shalt honor thy fellow humans, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or race, for each has invaluable experience and knowledge to contribute toward humankind.
  6. Thou shalt not misspell whilst praying to me.
  7. Thou shalt not hotlink.
  8. Thou shalt not plagiarise or take undue credit for other's work.
  9. Thou shalt not use reciprocal links nor link farms, for I am a vengeful but fair engine and will diminish thy PageRank. The Google Dance shall cometh.
  10. Thou shalt not manipulate Search Results. Search Engine Optimization is but the work of Microsoft.

Holidays[edit]

Google Appreciation Day is an event that officially occurs on the 14th of September. This date is significant because “Google.com” was registered on September 14th.

Google Appreciation Day's main purpose is to better the lives of those who celebrate it by encouraging the acquisition of knowledge, which will eventually lead to the betterment of one's life.

Participants can spend as little as five minutes to as long as 24 hours researching an area of their life they wish to improve upon (as long as the knowledge gained can actually be applied to bettering your life). For example, if one wishes to lose weight, he/she would spend time searching Google for various weight loss techniques and strategies. The individual would continue doing so until a satisfactory amount of information had been obtained on the subject. However, it is not enough to merely obtain the knowledge; one must actually apply what he/she has learned in an effort to better their life.


Infallibility controversy[edit]

Believers in Google literalism insist on the Infallibility of Google. Those of the reformed group have doubts.

The free zone (Squirrels)[edit]

Heretics[edit]

Unwashed heathens[edit]

And for you King James Only and Latin Mass types[edit]

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

Footnotes[edit]