Fun talk:Schlafly Quote Generator

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[edit] Rich, rich mine of Schlaflyisms

I'm not sure Andy has ever come out with so many fresh, innovative, PERFECT Schlaflyisms as he does in this discussion about President's Day. Quite, quite spectacular - almost every response is a laugh out loud classic. DogP 19:09, 17 February 2009 (EST)

Jesus, I hadn't read all of his rebuttals. Apparently, denial = adding nuance to a discussion, and causes an outflux of credibility. PubliusTalk 19:13, 17 February 2009 (EST)
Someone quoted one of them at talk:wigo and I thought it was made up it was so perfect. One day, one day, this generator and Andy will say exactly the same thing, and what then? A Poesplosion of epic proportions. ħumanUser talk:Human 19:27, 17 February 2009 (EST)
This Virtual Andy often makes more sense than the real Andy. DogP 20:03, 17 February 2009 (EST)
Then we're not doing our jobs! --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 20:27, 17 February 2009 (EST)
Yeah Human, that was me that posted the first one... When I first read it, I thought someone had snuck in and added a generated quote.... I was amazed. SirChuckBGentoo Penguins is the best kind of Penguin 20:56, 17 February 2009 (EST)
What was the talk:wigo line? --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 21:10, 17 February 2009 (EST)
"Economist", your denial of the obvious only destroys your credibility. You have free will, but you're not fooling anyone by denying how liberals deify the president, and therefore prefer "President's Day" even though federal law expressly establishes it as "Washington's Birthday." I suppose that if you were in the communist Soviet Union then you would have denied that Stalin was deified also. Suit yourself.--Andy Schlafly 17:12, 16 February 2009 (EST)" Wuz it. Srsly. ħumanUser talk:Human 03:07, 18 February 2009 (EST)
*Wow* --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 04:00, 18 February 2009 (EST)
Holy. Fucking. Shit. I love you guys. Really, I do. TehKenny 01:20, 18 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] Format Changes

I noticed the format of the source changed since I edited this yesterday. I tried to add a new quote, but it screwed up somehow so I rolled it back. Can anybody tell me what I did wrong? Zaku 11:20, 18 February 2009 (EST)

I've put it back in for you. You needed to put a "</choose>" tag after the option, as it was the final one in that section. KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 12:00, 18 February 2009 (EST)
Ah, I see. Thanks. Zaku 13:42, 18 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] Cut it a bit?

This template is great (and I mean, GREAT!!) but I think it loses realism by generating quotes that are ever so slightly too long. Andy's immortal put-downs and dismissals tend to be about 2/3 of this length. So, should we change it around a bit?--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 12:32, 18 February 2009 (EST)

It depends, really. I've seen it pull out exceedingly short ones and excessively long ones. Personally, I prefer brevity, but I don't mind if it's a bit prolix (Andy is nothing if not prolix). That said, perhaps some of the long options could be cut down to their essentials without losing the madness/stupidity of the original quotation? --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 13:00, 18 February 2009 (EST)
I just happened to notice this one... Under the "You don't even cite" choice, one of the responses is Anything I'm capable of understanding.... Is that a genuine Schlafly? SirChuckBGentoo Penguins is the best kind of Penguin 17:03, 18 February 2009 (EST)
Hmm...probably one I added back when this was more of a parody than an attempt to make plausible quotations. Think we should cut it? --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 18:02, 18 February 2009 (EST)
Having looked in more detail, I suggest that the following would bring extra Schlafly realism:
  1. Make each quote have either "You don't even cite..." or "Clearly you're... I can tell because..." but not both.
  2. Cut "Why don't you just admit it?", which isn't really necessary and doesn't contain any choices.
  3. Put a line break before "As I've said before..." - he often uses two paragraphs, the first longer than the second.
This might seem picky, but I think we are *this close* to being able to pass for the real Schlaf.--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 08:35, 19 February 2009 (EST)
I second these proposals, especially dividing the quotation into two paragraphs, which I hadn't picked up on before. KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 09:08, 19 February 2009 (EST)
A sandbox experiment suggests that nesting choose tags (which we would need to do to implement suggestion 1) might not be possible. Is that right, or did I get the code wrong?--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 09:10, 19 February 2009 (EST)
Ah, I see the problem. Sadly I am not skilled in this area of wiki-formatting, so I don't know of a solution. Whilst we're on the subject of improving the generator, should the choice 10 option "RationalWiki causes insanity" be removed as well? It doesn't sound authentic (although it may be based on something real, it's hard to tell!). KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 09:16, 19 February 2009 (EST)
I think I might have found a way round it, though it's not the most elegant. As for content decisions, it depends on humour vs realism and I wouldn't want to tread on the original creators' toes in that department.--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 09:18, 19 February 2009 (EST)

OK, see User:KrissAkabusiAwoogar/Sand. Comes out great when it picks "You don't even cite...", but there's a stray line break I can't get rid of when it chooses the other option. What do you all think?--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 09:31, 19 February 2009 (EST)

It's now in a state that I'd consider useable. But I don't presume to replace the version here without further agreement.--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 11:14, 19 February 2009 (EST)
I like it! I'll go right ahead and change it. One thing though: the page break won't work. If people indent with the template, it'll look wrong. Other than that, it's much improved! --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 15:19, 19 February 2009 (EST)
Hmmm...on second thought, this might not work the way you've put it together. I don't think we should use templates in this, because it means everyone would have to go back and forth over several pages if they wanted to change anything, and I think it should all be more or less unified...but maybe that's just me. What do other people think? I think it looks much better in the sandbox version, minus the page break. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 15:31, 19 February 2009 (EST)
Point taken about the templates. Ideally, at this point a coding genius will pop up and tell us how we can nest those tags inside each other. Failing that, we could make the tough decision to cut one of the bits - maybe choice 3/4/5, and add the best ones to the options for choice 9?
I'll take the line break out too - I hadn't considered the indent issue.--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 04:40, 20 February 2009 (EST)
I really think I've nailed it with this latest version!--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 09:27, 20 February 2009 (EST)
This is excellent! Go ahead and make the change. Make sure to add any recent additions since you started your little project, and I'll make sure everything is in proper order with the template after you've made the move. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 13:10, 20 February 2009 (EST)
Yeah, this is superb - it really makes it feel more random, and each generated quote feels more different and real. Amazing work chaps (assuming you are indeed chaps and not chapesses?). DogP 00:59, 28 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] Suggested Quotations

"Censorship is the sine qua non of being a liberal", anyone? [1] KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 09:23, 20 February 2009 (EST)

Added (he's said that twice in the last day, which explains why my copied wording is slightly different).--Kriss AkabusiAAAAWOOOOGAAAR!!1 11:57, 20 February 2009 (EST)

I think "Hitler did believe in survival of the fittest, including by humans, and that is obviously deadly" could work as well, although it might be a bit too long. [2] KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 11:44, 22 February 2009 (EST)

You draw a silly distinction between sheep and goats. He really did say that to Weasel. --"C, U Rthe crazy, rolling mop. 11:46, 22 February 2009 (EST)
I thought that was already in there? KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 11:48, 22 February 2009 (EST)
Wasn't it removed? And we should have a 'you claim above that X' and then a nutty refution of it. That would be classic. --"C, U Rthe crazy, rolling mop. 11:51, 22 February 2009 (EST)
No, it's definitely in there. A couple of elements that weren't actual quotations were deleted, I think, but that one was kept because it's real. KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 11:54, 22 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] Why do we still have two versions knocking around?

There's a version 1 link up there at the top. What's that, and why is it still around? Can we just delete it? DogP 14:50, 24 February 2009 (EST)

I don't see why we'd need to. It's not takin' up that much space. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 19:21, 24 February 2009 (EST)
Well, it's not about space. It's about - why have two versions of the same thing, when presumably V2.0 is better? If we leave 1.0 lying around, someone will blunder into it and add lulz to it that should have been added to 2.0. There's no reason to have two versions of the same thing. DogP 20:53, 24 February 2009 (EST)
Sorted.-- Antifly Now with 50% less retirement! 21:58, 24 February 2009 (EST)
I was just being a tad facetious, re: space. ;) I think it's unlikely to cause problems; it was all but forgotten before I created mk2. It hadn't (and hasn't) been significantly edited in months--I probably wouldn't have made this one if I'd known of its existence. I dunno. It's not so much that I have any attachment to the old one, it's just that I wouldn't feel right deleting Hoji's work, since he had the idea independently of me. That said, I wouldn't shed too many tears if someone vaped it or redirected it here. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 23:01, 24 February 2009 (EST)
I think Hoji would take it as a compliment that his idea went on to become such a wonderfully eloquent substitute for the real thing. I propose vaping the old one and redirecting it to here. Opinions please? DogP 23:40, 24 February 2009 (EST)
Well, put it that way, go for it! (I'm an easy sell) --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 00:51, 25 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] Teh Assfly's Handle

For some reason, it's not always displaying a handle (i.e. Andy Schlafly, aschlafly or Aschlafly) at the end. Is this intentional?Zaku 18:41, 25 February 2009 (EST)

Is it? I hadn't noticed that...I'll have a look. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 20:11, 25 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] v3.0

I just spent more time than I should've making a prototype of a phrase that's already in (the "You even deny that X prevents Y") and here it is:

You might as well deny that the Bush doctrine causes mental health

The above works by randomly choosing a form of "denial", then randomly choosing a combination of good/bad policies encouraging/discouraging a good/bad thing, these policies/actions/things are themselves choosing randomly.

The idea is to make phrases by using templates that choose other randomly chosen phrases, thus making the "main" phrases such as the one above easier to make, and use many of them to create a quote, perhaps chosen randomly as well so Andy doesn't always say that his opponent is denying something for example.

So, what do you think, is this a good idea? Too complicated for too little? Not gonna work?

I'm off too sleep, my head's killing me. See ya tomorrow! NightFlare 00:00, 26 February 2009 (EST)

Interesting idea. There might be other ways to differentiate it a bit without using templates, though. I do like what you're going for, but it's not as easy to work with this kind of thing if one has go to several different places to make a change to the main body. But I like the idea of making this more random, so it's food for thought! I'm eager to see what you come up with. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 00:21, 26 February 2009 (EST)

You might as well deny that the Bush doctrine causes mental health You might as well deny that the Bush doctrine causes mental health You might as well deny that the Bush doctrine causes mental health

I slapped up three more examples out of curiosity. I fear it might be too much work for too little return? I guess you are trying to spice up the mundanity of the "typical" assquote by mixing up the general flow? ħumanUser talk:Human 00:26, 26 February 2009 (EST)
PS, there's a line break in there that fails at indenting right now. ħumanUser talk:Human 00:26, 26 February 2009 (EST)
PPS, perhaps we could just randomize the "boilerplate" text as well, which is pretty much what you have achieved? ħumanUser talk:Human 00:28, 26 February 2009 (EST)
I like the idea of randomizing the boilerplate. That would add a bit of spice to it, as long as we made sure it always jived grammatically. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 03:26, 26 February 2009 (EST)
Thanks for the feedback. Yes, I've been thinking and templates that branch from each other doesn't seem like the most user-friendly way to add items, which is the reason this thing has grown to be so comprehensive. Though I still think "easy-use" templates such as the good/bad things/policies templates above could be useful to add some variety to additions. I'll try making a few more and see how it goes.
I also thought about the grammar issue but then remembered Andy can see how sometime can estimate when the truth when someone else conceals it, so unless it ends up being overdone, it will add some flavor to the quotes. NightFlare 22:34, 26 February 2009 (EST)
I was thinking that, too, re: grammar. Some templates might be okay, actually. I was scanning your page and I like what I see. :) --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 23:16, 26 February 2009 (EST)

I've put a bit of randomisation into the 'You even deny' bit of the boilerplate, to add a bit of variety. See what you think.-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 06:03, 27 February 2009 (EST)

I just came here to say how much I like it. Is that sort of what you were going for, NightFlare? --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 06:06, 27 February 2009 (EST)
The remaining 'boilerplate' elements are:
  • I looked at your contributions
  • so it's obvious to me you're
  • You don't even cite
  • As I've said before,
Any suggestions for alternatives? They don't have to be funny - in fact, keeping them short might be preferable, as the average quote length seems to be creeping up again.-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 08:43, 27 February 2009 (EST)
Just 'You don't even cite' and 'I looked at your contributions' now. If I didn't know, I'd be 98% certain these quotes were written by teh man himslef.-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 11:11, 27 February 2009 (EST)
I added those, but the "You don't even cite" ones seem dull, and since it's of disputable quotability (see below) it seems like it needs more help. NightFlare 16:32, 27 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] "Fake" rename

I'd been thinking that v 2.0 was a silly name, especially with the 3.0 perhaps coming next, but the fake rename might muck up people's attempts to link here. How many pages actually link to this one, anyway? Isn't it just template:assquote, really? ħumanUser talk:Human 00:40, 26 February 2009 (EST)

I guess I could get away with just moving it to Fun:Schlafly Quote Generator, couldn't I. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 02:52, 26 February 2009 (EST)
Done. It turns out there are only a handful of pages that linked to the "2.0" name. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 03:06, 26 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] LOL

I look at this and it tells me that "mymyrteax" is a pagan name. Too true. LOL. .mymyrteax 22:42, 26 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] Disputed Quote

I never got the point of the "Honor and Worship" signoff, until I tripped upon this in my own mining for quotes from Andy: (Sorry if I haven't linked it properly; I'm still getting the hang of this Wiki thing. It's on the CP Main Page Talk discussion of Presidents Day.)

"ShawnJ, you lose all credibility when you say that you "disagree that liberals deify government officials." What you do think the deification of Lenin, Stalin and Castro is about? Or do you deny that deification also? I repeat: atheists don't have God, and something inevitably fills that vacuum. The presidency plays that role for many liberals. Honor and worship!--Andy Schlafly 19:31, 17 February 2009 (EST)"

It seems to me that the phrase in question isn't the same "Go fuck yourself" dismissal that "Godspeed" and its variants are; it's simply an answer to the unstated rhetorical question "What role is it that the presidency plays for liberals?" or perhaps more Andy-illuminating (since characteristic of his God-shaped hole assumptions, among others), "What vacuum do liberals have that needs filling by, for instance, Obama?"

I've seen H&W in so many generated quotes that to me it almost feels canonical as an ashlafly brushoff, but I think my analysis shows that it ought to go the way of the Pericope de Adultera in the Gospel according to Andy. It simply isn't a synonym for Godspeed. Does anyone object to deleting it? 207.180.183.47 08:06, 27 February 2009 (EST)

I agree with your analysis, though it's good to have some alternatives to Godspeed as he hasn't actually used the G word that much lately.-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 09:01, 27 February 2009 (EST)
One way to add some variety might be to move some short 8s that are basically as much of an FU as Godspeed is (e.g. "Go back to Wikipedia") to the 9 slot, while reweighting so that the Godspeed ones dominate the outputted quotes. I tried doing that and completely screwed it up, but someone who gets the gist of what I was trying to do (and is more competent than I am) could try that. I did delete H&W.
That's a good suggestion, so I've put your changes back in (you just had a choose tag in the wrong place).-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 10:53, 27 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] "You don't even cite..."

Giventhat we're talking about Mr. "Don't read a book, write a book," I'm not sure this fits: he rarely argues by citation--one does not have to when one is an expert on everything. TheoryOfPractice 11:16, 27 February 2009 (EST)

I tend to agree with you, but it's been in there for a while... If it does go, I think "You don't even cite the Bible" should find a place somewhere else, as that was a top Schlafly argument during the different-tests-for-girls episode.-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 11:26, 27 February 2009 (EST)
No, he definitely said that 'cite' quote. Tell you what though, there's still quite a few that aren't actually quotes - he never said "You're insane from San Francisco values", for example. DogP 11:42, 27 February 2009 (EST)
IMO, items are good fodder for the generator if they are: 1) Actual direct Andy quotations or pastiches of them, 2) Statements he’s never actually made, but everyone would agree are the type of thing he would say, and no one would be surprised if he did say, or 3) Outrageously over-the-top exaggerations of what he has said or would say.
“Chivalry is about far more than physical strength” is an example of the first, “Homeschooling reduces crime” of the second, and “There’s a 95% chance that, as a homosexual, you deny that feudalism prevents breast cancer, which is undeniable” of the third. The humor (as in sheer laughs) comes, I think, more from the third, while the ridicule (as in “what an ass he is!”) comes from the juxtaposition of all three in a plausible paragraph. So a brilliant fake quote, then, has some of all three types. A quote with too much or not enough of any one of them would fall short of the ideal.
On the other hand, there are plenty of things that Andy has said, even many times, that are neither particularly humorous nor especially illustrative of the insanity of his worldview and disposition. He has actually said “you don’t cite…”, but it’s not that funny because, well, it just doesn’t sound like him. He’s never said “You’re insane from San Francisco values”, but, well, I couldn’t even type that without my wife asking me what I was laughing at. (Just imagine him writing that, fuming, while pecking two-fingered hunched over his keyboard-- and meaning it. It’s funny!)
This BoN’s opinion: Drop all of the current “You don’t even cite (Choice 4)” section. It always sticks out like a sore thumb in the middle of a generated quote. Unlike in other slots, the potential for further development of the Choice 4 options is rather limited, and the generated quotes without that section will be on the whole both more realistic and funnier.
207.180.183.47 13:45, 27 February 2009 (EST)
I'm the BoN above. As long as I'm going to be spouting off like that, I might as well be able to say I don't have a number I'm a name. So I broke down and registered.Arithmostoutheriou 15:20, 27 February 2009 (EST)
I agree with all the above, especially the bit about three kinds of fodder for this thing. Are you suggesting we move all the choice fours into different sections? --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 21:15, 27 February 2009 (EST)
Okay, tis cut. I think I like it better this way. Thoughts? --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 21:19, 27 February 2009 (EST)
I like the results much better this way. Arithmostoutheriou 21:39, 27 February 2009 (EST)
Me too. This has really come along in the last week or two. DogP 00:57, 28 February 2009 (EST)
One day, we'll be able to make this thing sentient, and simply replace the real Andy. This is my dream. <sniff> --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 01:41, 28 February 2009 (EST)
Well, it's already smarter than Andy, and half the time, at least, passes the Turing test (more often than he does IRL). All that remains is to make it better, better, better...! ħumanUser talk:Human 02:33, 28 February 2009 (EST)
This is now eerily accurate. Good work everyone.-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 18:53, 1 March 2009 (EST)
I'm constantly surprised at how genuine some of these can be. And it's rare for them to look completely wrong (if ever). Amazing how a person like that can so easily be broken down into a series of random quotations. Also, LOL@Human's line about the Turing Test. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 19:01, 1 March 2009 (EST)

[edit] Blocking Result

I went ahead and removed the "Please, please abide by the rules or blocking result" For a couple of reasons: First, we already have two or three other options that say the same thing, and second, it seems to be poking fun at a dropped word rather than focusing on the stupidity of what Andy actually says..... But that is just my opinion and if the mob is for the entry, by all means put it back. SirChuckBGentoo Penguins is the best kind of Penguin 12:50, 27 February 2009 (EST)

Well, you're not wrong - I was indeed simply amused by the dropped word - and, we already have "come back when you can learn out to spell "superior"", which is also the same gag. However, I was also trying to find more options instead of just Godspeed as per the discussion above. It'd be nice to have a few more Andyisms for closure. This may not be it though. Back to the research. DogP 13:35, 27 February 2009 (EST)
I say put it back in if he actually said it. ħumanUser talk:Human 02:30, 28 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] WTF

Wtf.gif "Open your mind and admit that the largest pre-college American History class in the world prevents breast cancer." Javasca₧ no hell below him

Deny this and lose credibility! =P Not something he actually said, but I love those random "you deny X prevents Y" lines, even if they can be nonsensical. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 01:51, 28 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] Refution

Perhaps we should have a 'You claim that. . .' option? --"C, U Rthe crazy, rolling mop. 17:19, 27 February 2009 (EST)

I don't think it would be quite as interesting. Anything someone else claims would be something...sensible, and therefore not indicative of Andy's madness. No, Andy's rhetorical style (if it can be called that) is all about accusing his opponent of A) Being a liberal (and whatever that entails in his tiny pea brain), and B) accusing his opponent of denying something, usually something that has absolutely nothing to do with the argument. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 01:44, 28 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] Did he say this?

"Got news for you: you need to write a book, fast, before you read any more."

I know you guys are beginning to "cite" in your ECs the sources, which is awesome, but this one sounds wrong. Did he actually say it? ħumanUser talk:Human 02:36, 28 February 2009 (EST)

Yeah, the "got news for you:" part just seems wrong. ħumanUser talk:Human 02:37, 28 February 2009 (EST)
Got news for you: he said it. Yes really. DogP 03:39, 28 February 2009 (EST)

[edit] "Dude, where's your logic?"

Wow. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 05:29, 28 February 2009 (EST) Where's the facts, Schlafly? Where's where's the facts, Schlafly? Where's the fucking facts shitheeeeead?

The dude abides, yet again... What is Schlafly ON? --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 23:06, 1 March 2009 (EST)
It's pretty phenomenal, isn't it? He's just so.....so....MAD. DogP 01:25, 2 March 2009 (EST)
He's gone mad...with POWER!!! --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 04:31, 2 March 2009 (EST)
Of course he has, you ever try going mad without power? It's no fun, people don't listen. SirChuckBGentoo Penguins is the best kind of Penguin 11:50, 2 March 2009 (EST)

[edit] Cover story?

(Please do not archive this section)

It may be a bit silly, but it would be amusing to occasionally have the main page attack the viewer on behalf of Andy... ħumanUser talk:Human 20:47, 2 March 2009 (EST)

Oh, and the reason I suggest it it is that this has become very good. I think it would freak Andy out to read one. Is it already in "best of amusement", at least? ħumanUser talk:Human 20:50, 2 March 2009 (EST)

Most certainly. I concur. --"C, U Rthe crazy, edifying mop. 20:49, 2 March 2009 (EST)
Should probably use {{DISPLAYTITLE}} to change the displayed title - would that work on the cover extract? 20:51, 2 March 2009 (EST)
Got news for you: I approve. With one proviso - the casual reader needs to know that the Andybot is speaking to them, not the real Andy. DogP 21:39, 2 March 2009 (EST)
I don't think it IS in best of amusement, but I'll rectify that shortly. Anyway, I lovee the idea of this attacking someone on the front page! It would probably work with the assquote template...? What say ye? --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 21:52, 2 March 2009 (EST)
Hah, someone beat me to the punch on the best ofs. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 21:53, 2 March 2009 (EST)
http://www.acapela.tv/Cartoon-bc9b2fdf4cdf-bc9b2f11f451d-bc9b2f1701470-3-4-6 NightFlare 22:10, 2 March 2009 (EST)
LOL!!! --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 22:22, 2 March 2009 (EST)

[edit] Gentlemen!

Gentlemen, Gentleman the Emperor (from work by Gentleman Weaseloid) has created a sister "operation" regarding a Gentleman with (perhaps) an even more bizarre rhetorical style than that of our favoured Gentleman. I'm sure he would appreciate contributions and input. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 23:22, 3 March 2009 (EST) Once Kenquote is up to snuff, we have to make him and Assquote fight it out on a talk page and see who out Poes the other.

Don't forget TK. Or perhaps, better to forget TK. His best work is in his paranoid emails. ħumanUser talk:Human 23:34, 3 March 2009 (EST)
Yeah, a TK quote generator would just be a big banner reading "Mind your business" which then automatically blocks you for not following Senior Admin orders. SirChuckBGentoo Penguins is the best kind of Penguin 23:41, 3 March 2009 (EST)
Back when Jinxy was still around, I considered following up the SQG with a JQG, but I thought better of it when I realised it would just have been a series of swear words and barely coherent sexual epithets. As for TK, it'd either be what Sir Chuck described, or a redirect here. Ken is the only other one there with a truly imitable style (maybe Bugler, but why parody a parodist?). The rest have their quirks and maladies, but Ken is nothing if not blindingly consistent. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 00:04, 4 March 2009 (EST)
  • TK does, actually, have a distinctive style, with lots of commas, not that grammatical, that is quite easy to spot, or to pastiche, no? But, Yossarian, and the other vandals who posted above, have you given any thought, at all, to whether it would be easy to randomise? To make a quote generator, that could, deceitfully, pass itself off as him?--₮K 09:33, 4 March 2009 (EST)
A Ken generator should include inserting a random image with some retarded anti-evolutionary phrase. Or perhaps a youtube (he's going along with the times, if only he could embed them) --GTac 10:03, 4 March 2009 (EST)
I think I've figured out a way to add a random photo with an anti-evolution phrase attached, but the first thing we need is a massive cat cleanup.... Didn't we have a bot for that somewhere? SirChuckBGentoo Penguins is the best kind of Penguin 12:34, 4 March 2009 (EST)

[edit] Multiple exclamation/question marks

Is it possible to further randomise the generator by having an option for multiple use of question marks and exclamation marks for options that already end in one or the other? Andy seems to do this on occasion, and I think it would be a good addition. KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 19:31, 14 March 2009 (EDT)

Hmm...depends. It would have to be set up so the question marks would always go on questions/the exclamation points always on statements. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 23:24, 14 March 2009 (EDT)
That intelligent comment begs the question: does Schlafly know the difference?! ħumanUser talk:Human 23:54, 14 March 2009 (EDT)
You know, I knew someone was gonna make that joke... :-p --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 00:03, 15 March 2009 (EDT)
If I find the time, and I should, I'm going to add some templates with random items in there (one with a random number of question marks for instance). NightFlare 00:25, 15 March 2009 (EDT)
I see it's been added now. Thank you very much!KlapauciusEsteemed Constructor 08:58, 26 March 2009 (EDT)

[edit] The opening shot

I think choice 1 - the opening shot - shouldn't have so many options that are specific to a particular topic. It would be more realistic to have him start with a generalised "you're clueless" or "you're not convincing anyone", and then start rambling about Obama or Socrates or whatever later on. The best options that were removed could easily be put in later on. Thoughts?-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 14:32, 16 March 2009 (EDT)

I completely agree. It works better when it starts with some weird attack then moves onto the weird specific point. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 01:34, 17 March 2009 (EDT)
Done. Most of the old opening shots have been preserved, either as valedictions or favourite assertions. The page is 44K now - should we consider whittling down the number of options at some stage?-- Kriss AkabusiAAAWOOOGAAAR!!1 07:12, 17 March 2009 (EDT)

[edit] I gotta say..

....We have this generator down to perfection now. It is indistinguisable from Schlafly. We all deserve a pat on the back and to be bought a beer. Preferably a Schlalfy Beer, it seems fitting. Ace McWickedRevolt 22:58, 28 March 2009 (EDT)

I know, it's ended up being really amazing. When I'm bored I just come here and click for new quotes for ten minutes. It gives me a warm feeling of comfort to know I can always get a classic Andyism any time I want - and that they're all for real. I can't believe he said "animals don't dress themselves, they really don't". I love that one. DogP 12:29, 29 March 2009 (EDT)
I was just refreshing it a few times and found that it is extremely accurate. Scarlet A.pngbomination 16:41, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Irish Press

Did The Shlaff really say that about the Irish press? I'm a Freelance Journalist, and I'd really like to do a piece on Conservapedia. It wouldn't really be worth it without getting an interview with him (and some senior figures from RW). Ideas?

His e-mail is disabled. You'll have to do it via talk page. --Input The ResistorOutput 15:36, 13 April 2009 (EDT)
He definitely said the thing about the Irish press. I'll see if I can find a link for ye. I'm sure some RWians would love to be interviewed! As for the Schlaf himself...dunno. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 18:47, 13 April 2009 (EDT)
PS: If you ask around, there should be someone here who knows his email address. Don't bother going on CP. TK would likely block you because...he can. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 18:49, 13 April 2009 (EDT)
aschlafly@aol.com -- from federal court public records Thee Nuttish Talk 18:55, 13 April 2009 (EDT)
Here's the diff link for when he said he'd been quoted in the Irish press. Hope that helps! --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 19:06, 13 April 2009 (EDT)

Thanks guys, really appreciate the friendliness and the help. That Diff is pretty much straight out of the Quote Generator! Oh, and the newspapers are LESS liberal than the majority of the Irish public. The Schlaff knows nothing about Ireland. But oh well, as Tyrannosaurus Koeckritz would say, it's only Ireland! 89.127.170.66 19:55, 13 April 2009 (EDT)

It still amazes me how accurately he imitates the quote generator... --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 20:08, 13 April 2009 (EDT)
YOU LIE BON. The Great and Powerful Schlafly is a well known expert in all international politics, including American, British, Irish, Australian, Swedish, New Zealand, German and I wanna say French affairs.... Did I get everything? SirChuckBGentoo Penguins is the best kind of Penguin 20:45, 13 April 2009 (EDT)
Not to mention his unparallelled expertise in physics, linguistics, statistics, mathematics, sociology, biology, theology, debate, law, education, engineering, music, and history. Give the man his due! --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 21:19, 13 April 2009 (EDT) Hmm, am I forgetting any?

Yes, he really that about the Irish press. I was as usual arguing with him at the time and had pointed him to a link in the IT (what with me being Irish and all that). I was flabbergasted, but delighted when he went on to claim to know more Ireland and the Irish Press than me. I've had many debates with him about Irish issues (he claimed there were no unarmed police forces in the world, I corrected him; he claimed no-one used the term Belfast Agreement, I corrected him), but he always claims to know more. Ace McWicked has had many excellent debates with him about New Zealand, and PJR debated furiously with him about Australia. But no-one knows more about stuff than Andy. At least I won the Belfast Agreement thing. DogP 15:53, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Wow.

This is genius. Ungtss 15:39, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

I agree. This thing is getting spookily closer and closer to simply channeling Schlafly. The people who worked on it, to get it to be grammatically correct, etc. (except for Andy's sics) must surely be congratulated. What's freaky, of course, is when Andy edits on CP and pretty much could have been subbed for by this thing. ħumanUser talk:Human 05:14, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
I'm starting to think I just should have called it "fun:Schlafly channeller"...or maybe he's just channelling this...</Twilight Zone Music> --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 09:11, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Name weighting?

Is there a way to check if the user name contains numbers and increase the chance of commenting it as "weird" or "fake" name based on it? Thieh 02:10, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Might be, but it'd be pretty damn complicated. Maybe ask Nx, just to see if it's even possible. --Purple George!YossieSpring in Fialta 02:57, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
How about we just rewrite all the software to suit you? - π 03:07, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
Just a suggestion, but it probably ends up with some bad programming practice anyways (such as using #rand: without explicitly determining how large the list is getting). I am not sufficiently adept to determine if there is a good way to do that yet. That is why I asked. Thieh 03:55, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
If you can give me a function that takes a name as input and returns true or false (fake or not fake), then writing a parser function for it is a piece of cake. For example, it could check if the name is in the form of <firstname><letter> or <letter><lastname> taking <firstname> and <lastname> from a dictionary. I'd prefer something written in php, as that would make putting it into mediawiki easier. --  Nx/talk  17:09, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

[edit] I'm sure this has been brought up already...

But can we include legitimate, full-length, unadulterated assquotes in the results? It'd be funny to never know if it was a real or fake assquote. — Sincerely, Neveruse513 / Talk / Block 15:05, 9 October 2009 (UTC)

Might be...the problem is you can't embed the <choose> tag within others. Perhaps it could be done on the template, which doesn't have the random generator aspect. Just set it up so the random one is more likely to appear than the real ones, and replace specific names with the myName tags. I don't think this has been brought before, come to think of it. --IN SOVIET CANUCKISTAN, BEAVER DAMS YOU!!!YossarianThe Man from the USSR 23:56, 9 October 2009 (UTC)
It's an interesting idea, and Yossie points out the main technical issue. Be very careful what you do, since this template is not only all over the site, it's also very carefully vetted - as in, teh assfly really did say all these things. Experiment in sandbox and using preview, perhaps? ħumanUser talk:Human 05:06, 10 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Misspelling

Strictly speaking "misspelt" is not a typo, it is an acceptable alternative to "misspelled", although whether Andy would use that particular form is a different matter. However, on a pedantic note, a parting/Parthian shot would only be misspelled if there was a typo in those words. Mistakes in the text of the Partian shot would make it poorly spelled. Redchuck.gif ГенгисIs the Pope a Catholic? 07:44, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Schlafly Statistics

Wouldn't these quotes benefit from some Schlafly Statistics? I generated three and didn't come across any. --70.26.56.90 04:21, 18 November 2009 (UTC)

Look at the source (click "edit") and search for your desired inclusion. It may be that he never used them in a way that could be fluidly incorporated. ħumanUser talk:Human 04:33, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
"Fluidly incorporated"? Sounds dirty to me, but then so does "carpet sweeper" so I've probably just got a pronographic mind. SusanG  ContribsTalk 18:18, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

[edit] Yossarian's edit

[3]

I thought these were all exact quotations of things Andy has said, and thus, shouldn't be altered? ħumanUser talk:Human 02:22, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

Not even close, man. Some of them (like the ones I changed) are definitely just ones I made up early on. EDIT: To clarify, some of what's left over from the early version is stuff I made up for lack of material. Naturally it's evolved since then, but a lot of the canned fill in the blanks aren't stuff he's said. I think this is an excellent rubric to go by, from a BoN's comment above: "IMO, items are good fodder for the generator if they are: 1) Actual direct Andy quotations or pastiches of them, 2) Statements he’s never actually made, but everyone would agree are the type of thing he would say, and no one would be surprised if he did say, or 3) Outrageously over-the-top exaggerations of what he has said or would say. " --IN SOVIET CANUCKISTAN, BEAVER DAMS YOU!!!YossarianThe Man from the USSR 08:26, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
Some lovely poes there. I thought they were real quotes, but they're so close to what he says that I think it's fine for us to make up our own Schlaflyisms. It's only a problem when it doesn't sound like Schlafly, but right now it seems to be pretty accurate. On a side note, I'm porting this to C++ so I can have Schlaflyisms when I launch a terminal. It's OS X, but I reckon it'll compile on any UNIX-like system. (Concernedresident) 62.40.32.24 (talk) 10:37, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
I wish it was possible to make them all real quotes, though I know when it began we were all just having a big old thigh-slapping laugh. Time, though, has taught us that the man's words are SO much more fucking hatstand than anything we could come up with - "animals don't dress themselves. They really don't" is, in my mind, pure comedy genius. Any chance we can strip it back to things he's actually said? I think it would be a better tool of mockery if that were the case. DogPMarmite Patrol 20:07, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
I don't think that would hurt it. It did start out as something more for just a larf, but it's become so much more... --IN SOVIET CANUCKISTAN, BEAVER DAMS YOU!!!YossarianThe Man from the USSR 12:29, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

[edit] "almost" entirely?

Re: this edit. Have made up ones been added? If so it kinda defeats the purpose. Acei9 20:30, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

After reading the above I think we should have a disclaimer to only add actual quotes. Acei9 20:32, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
I agree. Andy is Poe enough without needing our assistance. ConcernedresidentAsk me about your mother 20:53, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
In the past I have removed some questionably entries but only if I actually see it come up on RC. It's not really possible to got through them now. Acei9 20:54, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

[edit] C++ version of the quote generator

I've been working on a C++ version of the quote generator. It's a bit like wp:Fortune_(Unix). I've not had a lot of practice though in text formatting, so I'm wondering if anyone would fancy hacking it around to have proper line-breaks when run from a terminal? Also, I have a binary for OS X systems and the source (which should compile on pretty much anything Unix-like), and I'm not sure if it's something worth uploading to RW, and if so, what's the best way to do it? I could add the source as a sub-page of this page, but I don't know if it's the done thing to upload zipped files to the site. It's odd, but I find it strangely entertaining to have Assquotes whenever I log-in to my machine. --ConcernedResident rickroll for the ladies 15:35, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

Subpage is probably best, and put it into a source tag, e.g:
#include <iostream>
using namespace std;
void main()
{
  cout << "Hello World!" << endl;
}
-- Nx / talk 15:37, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
Cheers. It's temporarily sitting at User:Concernedresident/assquotesource. I'll leave it there until I can get the line breaks working correctly. Also, it may be more sensible to have the source quotes read from a separate file. In the long-run I wanted to a separate program that'll parse the source of the assquote generator on the site to export the comments for importing in to a data file for the c++ version. The source right now is pretty crude, since most of it was written during a night at the pub. --ConcernedResident lithium for the ladies 15:43, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
This might be stupid question, but why doesn't \n work? -- Nx / talk 15:46, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
Nah, it's a sensible question. Normally that'd work, but the sentences being used to build the quotes aren't of uniform length. I think I'll have to just build each line character by character, and then slip in a /n when it's getting near 80 characters. It's likely that the linebreaks are going to have to happen mid-sentence, since otherwise it'll be *very* ragged right justification. Alternatively I could just build the entire block of text and then afterwards parse it and add the line breaks. --ConcernedResident respiratory system for the ladies 16:50, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
Doesn't the terminal automatically wrap? -- Nx / talk 16:55, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
Nah, not intelligently. It'll slice words in half when wrapping. --ConcernedResident document for the ladies 17:01, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
See User_talk:Concernedresident/assquotesource for half-baked solutions. — Sincerely, Neveruse / Talk / Block 18:13, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

[edit] you are unlike....

"and you are unlike 99% of evolutionists, who avoid the Bible like the plague and even discourage others from reading it" - now whilst (I assume) the Assfly did indeed say this to an 'evolutionist' who did have knowledge of the bibble (the bastard!), it doesn't really work in the context of the quote generator. Do you think removing the first four words and rephrasing it to say "99% of evolutionists avoid the bible..." would work and still be in fitting with the quote? DeltaStarSenior SysopSpeciationspeed! 21:35, 29 December 2010 (UTC)

yes. Occasionaluse (talk) 21:39, 29 December 2010 (UTC)

[edit] Really want to add this

You're not credible, liberal. Obviously your parents were atheists to give you such a pagan name so you're probably obese. I'm sure you are also against classroom prayer and homeschooling, just like Hitler. You don't really think that Hitler was a Christian? No Christian could ever kill millions of people, only an atheist could do that. Hitler was a socialist which is an atheistic ideology. Also you are in complete denial that junk science such as Evolution and Relativity helped bring down the World Trade Centre. Deny this and lose all credibility. Godspeed.

Any good?

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