Fundies Say the Darndest Things

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Fundies Say the Darndest Things (FSTDT) is a website dedicated to logging the sheer inanity of statements made by fundamentalists of all types. This also includes secular proponents of stupidity, demonstrating that Bible-thumpers don't have an outright monopoly on the crazy and outlandish. The most commonly recurring topics of submitted quotes include evolution, homosexuality, feminism and the Establishment Clause.

While many of the quotes are from random forum users and bloggers, sometimes actual news sites make it in, though usually bottom-tier news like WND. These are worth submitting to WIGO Clogs (and vice versa). Furthermore, some quotes are from legitimate news articles reporting on insane things that fundies have done or said.

Contents

[edit] In relation to Poe's Law

In the clamour to get ever more insane speeches and quotes, the site invariably suffers at the hands of Poe's Law. A few quotes do come from what can be considered "legitimate" sources such as various Christian forums so they can be taken as genuine. However there have been examples of very deep cover parodists on some websites throwing out quotes insane enough to be featured. Often, the comments that have been posted for each quote will enlighten readers as to whether some quotes are obvious hoaxes, but ambiguity more often than not remains and the only conclusion is that at least some of these people are, in fact, for real.

[edit] Trolls

No account is necessary to post comments on the quotes, and the closest thing the site has to a CAPTCHA is a single checkbox labeled "click here," making it one of the easiest sites to troll and spam. Spam typically gets cleaned up by site moderator Distind relatively quickly, but trolls are generally allowed to stay on, presumably to show support for free speech. Don't feed the trolls, guys.

[edit] Spin offs

The site has since spawned two spin-offs, concentrating on the quotes of racists[1] and conspiracy theorists[2], while another spin-off for sexists (or a generalisation of the "racists" section into one simply covering bigots of all types) repeatedly gets proposed whenever a non-religious sexist starts spouting garbage. Usually, these are just as, if not more so, batshit crazy as their fundie counterparts. In all seriousness, avoid going and reading the racism one if you want to retain any faith in humanity. With FSTDT and CSTDT, you can assume Poe's Law or have a chuckle or perhaps think that these people will eventually see sense. The following is one of the tame ones -- others include, to the best of anyone's knowledge, a very sincere post about actually lynching a man.

I´m not racist but I believe black people are closer to gorillas than to white people... that´s why we shouldn´t get mixed with black people, we are different species and they should stay at Africa? or to the zoo, somewere far away from us, as I said I´m not racist and I don´t pretend to insult anybody, but black people is a threat to our race
—Prettyshandra8, YouTube

[edit] Classic quotes

Without wanting to recreate the entire list, these are a selection of some of the shorter, yet still quoteworthy entries submitted to FSTDT.

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive] god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.
—Howie R, Yahoo Answers (Poe))
If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol.
—Gods soldier, Myspace
I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie.
—JohnR7, Christian forums
You call it circular reasoning, we Christians call it faith.
— James2ko, Religious forums'[3]
The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English. It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.
—leyenda, KJB only
Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has.
—Beryl Baptist Church, Pharyngula (quoting Martin Luther)[4]
[Re: King James Bible. Shadow Girl: "I can barely read that version. Plus my grandmother told me that it was written by King James because he wanted a divorce from his wife but the Pope wouldn't grant it."]
You're thinking about the NKJV. This is the one that was commissioned by the king that wanted a divorce I believe. I think it was one of the King Henry's. Crazy kook either got the divorces he wanted or arranged the death and/or imprisonment of his wives so he could re-marry at will. The KJV is the original copy written and translated by Shakespeare, from the ancient greek and hebrew manuscripts. If not this, he may have translated it from an even earlier english translation (which was then translated from the original greek and hebrew) when english barely resembled what it is today. It's one of these two events. This is why it's considered the most accurate, a direct english translation from the originals and the standard for today despite being a relic from the 1300-1500's where fancy poetic language was the common english of those times.
—TimothyK, rr-bb.com
[As of December 2014, the quote with the highest "Fundie Index":] Leviathon is a spirit I have battled as well. It was a hard battle but was won. It was about four months or more ago. My wife and I were in McDonalds and were having a conversation with an angel and Leviathon had come up. I told the angel that i wanted to fight this demon and he said I could. On the way back to the hotel I asked the angel if he could bring the demon to a predestinated place and he said yes. I figured that since Leviathon was from the depths of the sea he would be used to the cold water so I filled the tub up with scalding hot water and blessed the water. The angels (there were two now) brought Leviathon bound to the tub and fought with me. We all pulled our swords from our hips and began running this demon through with all my strength and everything I had. I would say it took atleast half an hour or more. We were all spent but the battle was won.
— nautical999, Ministering Deliverance[5]

Words of wisdom by Andrew Schlafly was added to the site in November 2009 following one of his more...erm...interesting insights. In the context of FSTDT and Poe's Law, this quote is interesting since - to the best of anyone's knowledge - Schlafly is 100% for real:

There's a broader point here. Why the big push for black holes by liberals, and big protests against any objection to them? If it turned out empirically that promoting black holes tends to cause people to read the Bible less, would you still push this so much?
Andrew Schlafly[6]

More of Schlafly's quotes have frequently been featured on FSTDT. Due to the infamy gained from his Conservative Bible Project, he was voted "2009 Fundie of the Year" in the FSTDT board with 94.8% of the vote.[7] In addition to the CBP, which gave him his fifteen minutes of fame in late 2009, this could be attributed to the large volume of material Schlafly generates through editing Conservapedia and that because we know he's a real person and not just some faceless internet user, we can be (pretty) sure he's real and not faking it.

And then there's this. [8] What.

[edit] See also

  • Rapture Ready, whose quotes are frequently featured on FSTDT. More than one poster on the FSTDT forums came there after being banned from Rapture Ready.
  • Free Republic — also a frequent target for FSTDT due to coverage of political extremism in addition to religious fundamentalism
  • Moonbattery — another frequent target, arguably even more extreme right-wing than Free Republic in that it frequently contains overt racism

[edit] External links

[edit] Footnotes

  1. Racists Say The Darndest Things (RSTDT)
  2. Conspiracy Theorists Say The Darndest Things (CSTDT)
  3. James2ko, Religious forums'
  4. Page from Pharyngula;Quote #60994 on FSTDT
  5. nautical999, Ministering Deliverance
  6. [1]
  7. Poll Question: Who is the Fundie of the Year?
  8. Which was so utterly nonsensical that it got the author thrown off the board he posted it on.
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