John Edwards
- If you were looking for "The Biggest Douche in the Universe,"[1] then you meant to type "John Edward" sans s.
John Edwards is a political magician from North Carolina. He pulled off one of the greatest ever disappearing acts in American political history in October 2007, when the National Enquirer began to publish a series of reports of an adulterous affair between him and a former campaign worker, after which he mysteriously vanished from national politics about two weeks later. This stunning act of political magic made many political scientists question their previous assumptions as to the minimum time required after a gaffe or scandal before a figure is retired from the national scene. Even the flamboyant exit of Republican Mitt Romney, in which he stated that allowing the Democrats to win would be a "surrender to terror," took many weeks to occur.
Edwards was born in 1953 and served as a Senator from North Carolina from 1998 to 2004, when he became John Kerry's running mate for President of the United States. He ran for President again in 2008, but withdrew from the nomination race early.
In August 2008, Edwards finally admitted to his extramarital affair and in January 2010 admitted to fathering a child out of wedlock as an explicit tape came out. Furthermore, allegations concerning whether or not he used campaign donations to cover up the affair began. In June 2011, Edwards was indicted by a North Carolina grand jury and could face jail time and fines.
It turned out that while Edwards was having his affair, he and his wife Elizabeth discovered that her cancer had returned and was incurable and he admitted to the affair while she was in remission. When she found out he had fathered a child, Elizabeth separated from him but died in December of 2010. Thus said, John Edwards is easily one of the biggest douches to ever walk the earth.
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- ↑ Before you consider branding Senator Edwards "The Biggest Douche in North Carolina," remember that Jesse Helms also came from NC.