|Hail to the Chief?|
|Persons of interest|
John "Heinz" Kerry is a politician in the United States of America. He is presently the Secretary of State. From 1985 to 2013, he represented Massachusetts in the US Senate (from which he resigned to become Secretary of State) and almost won an election to the presidency in 2004, against an incumbent during wartime. Which, as a C student in college, is a position he is eminently qualified for.
He is famous for having 57 varieties of flip flops in his shoe closet.
He is also ridiculously French.
Kerry famously piloted a boat up the Mekong River in The 'Nam to locate one rogue colonel named Kurtz while jamming to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" and dodging tigers and Playboy bunnies and the like while the whole crew was tripping on something. A movie was eventually made about this with the names changed to protect the guilty. He was also in Skull and Bones at Yale, which makes him very eminently qualified to be president, at least in the view of our secret rulers.
He was an early supporter of Barack Obama, and many thought he would become the American Secretary of State. He did eventually replace Hillary Clinton in this role for Obama's second term, but during Obama's first term, he instead served as chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. In this role, he did do some diplomacy for the United States, such as when he convinced Hamid Karzai to hold a runoff election after accusations of fraud in the Afghan election.