Minnesota

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Flag of Minnesota
Tastes like Canada!

Minnesota[1] is a Canadian province, then. Oh, no, wait, it's a U.S. state, don'tcha know!

Contents

[edit] Geography and lifestyles

Minnesota's up in da northern part of the United States and has over 10,000 lakes, you know, moose, mosquitoes, lutefisk, Lutherans, and da occasional collapsin' bridge. This state's not too bad, you betcha! All you need are a fishin' cabin in da Boundary Waters, a snowmobile (Arctic Cat or Polaris built by my cousin Sven up dere in Thief River Falls or Roseau, 'cause dat imported junk's not too good dere), a six month supply of Hamm's, an arctic-rated coat and earflap-adorned fur cap, and a radio so you can listen to KFYR outta Bismarck or CITI in Winnipeg to keep you sane during the long winter. Ja, dat's da life. Bundle up and venture out to watch da northern lights. Uff da!

The vast majority of Minnesotans don't speak like retarded Scandinavians, such as in the movie "Fargo." The only actor in that film who had anything resembling an authentic accent was Kristin Rudrud, who is actually from Minnesota. Also, Minnesota is only tundra between late November and early April.

[edit] Politics

It is was led by Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who can beat up your governor, whoever dat is even if yer from California. Since he got teed-off at the media and declined to run for a second term, state politics has gotten much less exciting as The Body was replaced by the uber-mediocre Tim Pawlenty who was then replaced by Democrat Mark Dayton. Al Franken, ex-comedian and talk radio host, will soon be Senate Majority Leader of da Free World won the junior Senate seat in a six-month recount and court battle.

Minnesota is one of the most Democratic states in the United States; with the occasional exceptions such as, Tim Pawlenty, Rod Grams, Norm Coleman, and someone terribly embarrassing. Minnesota has the longest streak, out of all states, of voting Democratic in presidential elections (having voted Democratic every election since 1972[2]). It has also produced such liberal icons as Keith Ellison, Paul Wellstone, Garrison Keillor and Katherine Lanpher. However, Minnesotans can be quite eclectic in their political choices, as evidenced by the election of Ventura; additionally, the state was at one point represented simultaneously by ultra-liberal and ultra-conservative senators (Wellstone and Grams).

Minnesota Public Radio is a stronghold and produces many well-regarded, widely-distributed shows.

[edit] Claims to fame

Three words:

Prairie.


Home.


Companion.

Not to be confused with "Sweet Home Alabama"!

[edit] Other incredible claims to fame

  • Bob Dylan is from Hibbing. So is the world's largest iron ore pit mine. So is the Greyhound Bus company. Must be a coincidence.
  • Prince
  • The Mall of America
  • The Mary Tyler Moore Show
  • Mystery Science Theater 3000
  • PZ Myers
  • Medtronic
  • Target
  • Best Buy
  • Pillsbury
  • General Mills
  • Lizard People
  • Da Coen Brudders — although why dey called dat movie "Fargo" instead of "Brainerd" — or even "Moorhead" — is still a puzzler.
  • Da Great North Woods
  • Da Mesabi Range
  • Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness
  • Arctic Cat and Polaris snowmobiles are both made in Minnesota. (Thief River Falls and Roseau, respectively. Unless some idiot moved the plants to China in my absence since then...)
  • Voyageurs National Park
  • Bemidji, which once had more lumberjacks than anyplace else on earth. Mmmm! Lumberjacks!
  • The Mississippi River starts near Bemidji. Actually it's more of a crick at that location.
  • Mosquitos, blackflies, ticks, lakes, mosquitos, and blackflies. Not necessarily in that order.
  • Best fishing in the lower 48.
  • August Schell beer, Grain Belt Premium (for the American blue collar swill drinkers), and Grain Belt Nordeast (for people who would like to pretend that it's still brewed there), Summit Brewing, Surly Brewing.
  • The University of Minnesota is a fine liberal institution.
  • The only state that didn't vote for Ronald Reagan in 1984.
  • Rocket J. Squirrel of Frostbite Falls

[edit] Footnotes

  1. Pronounced "Minn-ah-SO-taa." "Minn-uh-SO-duh," by contrast, is how you pronounce "I'm not from around here."
  2. U.S. Election Atlas
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