Paris Hilton (born February 17, 1981) is a ditzy socialite, and heir to the Hilton Hotel monopoly properties. She also
is has an annoying dog. Her dog has an annoying owner.
 Recent aspirations
According to an anonymous source, Hilton had aspirations for president in the 2008 presidential campaign. The following is a transcript of an interview Hilton had with Mad Magazine about her political aspirations:
- Mad Magazine (MM)- Good morning, Ms. Hilton I appreciate the opportunity to speak with you about your upcoming campaign!
- Paris Hilton (PH)- No, I don't complain.
- MM- Uh, yeah... Well, what made you decide to run in the 2008 presidential election?
- PH- Well, (twirls her hair with a blank look toward the ceiling) I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh...people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh; I believe that our education like such as South Africa, and, uh the Iraq everywhere...
- MM- Ms. Hilton let me cut you off briefly, that brings up my next question: Who is your hero? Who does Paris Hilton look up to?
- PH- Me?
- MM- Yes, ma'am. You.
- PH- Oh, that's an easy one! (silence and more twirling and staring)
- MM- Well, who is it?
- PH- Huh? Oh, Miss Teen South Carolina, silly!
- MM- Right. Um. Well, okay... Ms. Hilton, what is your stance on the epidemic of teen drivers dying in alcohol-related automobile collisions?
- PH- (Falls out of her chair and starts to convulse...Secret Service swoops in escorts Ms. Hilton out of the room. Interview over).
 Campaign slogans
- "See you at the debates, bitches"
- "Voting is hot!"
 Complications in race
With Grampy McSame having picked Vampy Lipstick as his running mate, a lot of the support Hilton was counting on has been removed.
 Academic achievements
Yeah, like, wow. That's hot!
- A Night in Paris: A Classless Society Paris Hilton on Sex, Booze, and Harvard
- Staying in the Paris Hilton
- Paris Autoerotic Biography: That's (not) hot!