Pat Boone is a legendarily embarrassing pop singer (post-lounge style), advisor for the Parents Television Council, and fourth-rate wannabe conservative pundit writing for WorldNetDaily and appearing in 60 Plus Association commercials, as well as having his own Christian music program on shortwave radio. Rock pioneer "Little Richard" Penniman has held a lifelong grudge against Boone for stealing (and butchering) most of Penniman's material; essentially, if Elvis Presley was the Eminem of old-time rock and roll, Boone is the Vanilla Ice.
Pat Boone is a square. We know this because he claimed to be a square in a column once, thereby becoming the last person on Earth to use the term in that sense unironically. (Strangely enough, he's a square that has had pictures of his dick in a box.)[more detail please] At one point, he got some ironic credit for his metal cover album "No More Mister Nice Guy," and for showing up on MTV in leather and flexing his pecs. It didn't hurt that he was good friends with Ozzy Osbourne and Alice Cooper. Since then, however, he's decided to blow all that goodwill by being a bat-shit crazy conservative.
 2007 Kentucky Gubernatorial Election
During the year 2007 the Republican governor of Kentucky Ernie Fletcher was seeking re-election to that office. The only problem was that he and members of his administration were facing several felony charges for corruption, and were subsequently taking a beating at the polls to their Democratic challenger Steve Beshear. The following is a transcript of an automated call that Boone sent to Kentucky voters trying to change the outcome. Enjoy.
Hello friends this is Pat Boone a fellow Kentuckian [despite the fact that he was born in Florida and lives in California] by descent from grandaddy Dan’l. I’ve always been proud of Kentucky’s stance on patriotic, military and moral issues; a great heritage. Now, as an American and a Christian I am very concerned about the upcoming governor’s election. Ernie Fletcher is a typical Kentuckian, he’s worked long and hard for the state, its people, and its traditions. And, of course, he has come under attack by political opponents and now he faces a man who wants his job who has consistently supported every homosexual cause: same sex marriage, gay adoption, special rights, to gay, lesbian, bisexual, even transgender individuals. The prominent gay advocacy group CFAIR just enthusiastically endorse Beshear, knowing he’s their guy. Kentuckians have already voted to amend the state constitution to prohibit same sex marriage. Now, do you want governor who’d like Kentucky to be like another San Francisco [again, this is despite the fact that he lives in California and at one point owned the Golden State Warriors]? Please reelect Ernie Fletcher. This message paid for by the Kentucky Republican Party.
Needless to say Fletcher took a massive beating in the polls.
 Strange fairy tales
It has been recently thought by some that Pat Boone might in fact have Alzheimer's, or otherwise be badly losing his mental acuity. Aside from his frequent attempts to use Coast to Coast AM to get votes to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (seriously, Pat Boone is not rock and roll), he has also written at least one column involving what might be a fairy tale, but weirdly rewrote. In the column, he writes about Snow White, but Snow White gets corrupted by the Seven Dwarfs and gets pregnant by Maleficient, only Maleficient is apparently a transsexual and gets Snow White pregnant, and she has to have an abortion. Meanwhile, Prince Charming gets gangbanged by the Seven Dwarves, gets AIDS, and dies, like wingnuts and homophobes believe all homosexuals should. Oh, and the Seven Dwarves cause the North American Union to happen with Hugo Chavez as President, or something.
- ↑ The picture exists, but RW does not link to pornography. At least not of this sort. We like to think we have higher standards than that.
- ↑ http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/11/06/pat-boone-hating-the-gay/#comments
- ↑ Extra credit: parse all this out and see if it makes some form of sense.
- ↑ Read it here