|Style over substance|
 Penis pumps
Penis pumps are a sex toy and an erection aid and work for these purposes, and nothing more. They work by creating a vacuum to draw blood into the penis. They do not result in any permanent increase in penis size, and attempting to use them for this purpose, i.e. by applying for excessive periods of time or at excessive pressure, may result in injury to the penis. You have been warned.
 Creams and pills
One such useless pill sold over the Internet, before the operation was shut down and the pills seized by Arizona regulators and U.S. Customs, was sold for $59.95 for a one month bottle and claimed to contain, "zinc, yohimbe, maca, catuaba, muira pauma, oyster meat, L-arginine, oat straw, nettle leaf, cayenne, pumpkin seed, sarsaparilla, orchic substance, licorice root, astragalus, tribulus, boron, and ginseng".
Hypnosis is a heightened state of awareness and suggestibility. While hypnosis in itself is almost universally agreed to exist, any claims that hypnosis can aid in healing, smoking cessation, hair growth, penis enlargement or anything else of that sort is lacking in evidence. The heightened state of suggestibility may result in someone believing they have a larger penis, which does not mean they really do. This hasn't stopped New Agers and Internet scamsters from pushing hypnotic penis enlargement.
 Stretches and exercises
These are rather like penis pumps in that they may temporarily increase length, but the effect is not permanent and may result in injury if done to excess. Some of those promoting these techniques rely on assumptions that the penis is a muscle, which is not true.
If anyone ever feels like their penile size is insufficient and need to make themselves feel better, get a sport utility vehicle. A really big SUV. Or a giant pickup. Or a really, really gas-guzzling sports car.
 Techniques that really work
There are several surgical procedures to enlarge the penis, including surgical implants and skin grafts. These really do increase penis size, but as the Mayo Clinic's web page on penis enlargement products notes, "Surgery is typically reserved for men whose penis doesn't function normally because of a birth defect or injury." and "Although cosmetic penis enlargement is offered by some surgeons, it's controversial and considered by many to be unnecessary and potentially harmful." In other words, unless you have a serious birth defect or it doesn't work at all, there is no reason why you should be considering penis enlargement surgery.
One can gain a bit of length by having a surgeon cut the ligament that connects the penis to the pelvic bone. However, weights or stretching devices would have to be used daily to prevent the ligament from growing back, for about six months. On top of that, your soldier would no longer salute when hard — it's the ligament that pulls it up so it sticks straight out.
It also helps to lose some weight (assuming you're overweight), as excess fat in the groin reduces the external length of the erect penis. Another tip is to live somewhere warm.
 See also
- ↑ A vacuum device for penile elongation: fact or fiction?
- ↑ Julia Angwin: Some Male 'Enlargement' Pills Contain a Variety of Impurities — "I think it's safe to say it has heavy fecal contamination" — thus Penis Pills Provide Poop.
- ↑ Stephen Barrett: "Bogus Penis Enlargement Pills Seized; Defendants Forfeit Over $35 Million", Quackwatch.com
- ↑ Hypnotic penis enlargement for a mere 99 dollars
- ↑ Mayo Clinic: Penis-enlargement products: Do they work?