Talk:Wine
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[edit] Wine song
In the mists of a bygone time, a friend used to sing this song, whose authorship is unknown to me:
- There are those who like their wine because it adds sophistication
- to that hearty meal they're serving to their friends.
- There are those who like their wine because it helps in the creation
- of that party feel on which so much depends.
- Then there are those who like their wine to come from eastward-facing chateaux
- on the plateaus of the Loire and all that bunk,
- Their motives are not mine; I like lots and lots of wine,
- but I like it 'cause it gets me drunk.
- There are those who take a glass because it helps them to relax,
- they find it helps their social manner to improve.
- It's a jolly useful scheme which I have taken to its logical extreme:
- sometimes I get so well relaxed I cannot move.
- Then there's another kind of fellow, drinks champagne to get him mellow,
- and he swears by Clicquot, Bollinger and Brut.
- I tried some Brut myself, I found it on the bathroom shelf,
- and he was right, it got me mellow as a newt!
- You can gauge your wine by the quality of the vine,
- the color, the bouquet, and all that bunk,
- But it all comes back to the falling-over factor,
- and the fact that it gets you drunk.
- There are those who like to think that it's important what they drink,
- they haven't got an inkling what it's all about.
- They spend their evenings wasting decent drinking time by tasting
- drops of this and that and spitting it all out!
- They wander up and down the tables, 'strewth, they even read the labels!
- muttering things like, "What a pity the cork has shrunk,
- Fruity nose, or too much tannin!" when they ought to get a man in
- who'd appreciate the chance to get drunk.
- They waste their time describing what they ought to be imbibing,
- which is wine of course, although you'd never think it,
- And they use words like "young but promising, precocious, full of fun!"
- Cor! You'd think they were going to adopt the stuff, not drink it!
- And at a meal, the silly asses have a row of empty glasses,
- a different wine with every dish they eat.
- Me? I mix whatever's handy in a stiff all-purpose shandy
- that goes very nice with fish or shredded wheat.
- You can gauge your wine by the quality of the vine,
- the color, the bouquet, and all that bunk,
- But it all comes back to the falling-over factor,
- and the fact that it gets you drunk.
- Then there are those who take delight pronouncing labels right,
- they rrroll their R's and use those German glottals.
- Me, I couldn't give a monkey's cause the stuff for getting drunk is
- on the inside, not the outside of the bottles!
- So when you have your cheese and wine, invite your local Philistine.
- Call me drunkard, call me sot, or call me wino.
- You'll find me in your kitchen, I'll be gigglin' and twitchin'
- having a sup and throwing up across your lino.
- You can gauge your wine by the quality of the vine,
- the color, the bouquet, if you insist,
- But it all comes back to the falling-over factor,
- and the fact that it gets you...
- Mist-y eyed and mellow, gets you maudlin, mawkish,
- miserable, (and pissed.)
Neither music nor lyrics by Sprocket J Cogswell (talk) 21:45, 28 July 2013 (UTC)