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Daily Express

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You gotta spin it to win it
Media
Icon media.svg
Stop the presses!
We want pictures
of Spider-Man!
Extra! Extra!
"Keep out, Britain is full up!" says the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Newspaper." But if Victoria Beckham gets any smaller, we may have room for one more.
They do, however, cause breasts.

The Daily "Diana" Express is a racist Little Englander rag an infamous conservative British tabloid newspaper.

History[edit]

The paper was founded in 1900 but hit its stride in 1916 when it was bought by Canadian Max Aitken, who soon got pally with Liberal Prime Minister David Lloyd George, becoming Minister for Information and gaining the title Lord Beaverbrook.

In 1931 Conservative PM Stanley Baldwin attacked Beaverbrook and Daily Mail boss Lord Rothermere, saying "What the proprietorship of these papers is aiming at is power, and power without responsibility – the prerogative of the harlot throughout the ages." At the time, the papers were trying to get their own candidates into power in the Conservative party, instead of Baldwin's.[1]

In 1936 it was the best-selling newspaper in the world, with a circulation of 2.25 million; its sales reached 4 million in 1949.[2]

Editorial viewpoints[edit]

Historical[edit]

In 1933, when foreign critics of the Nazi regime led a boycott of German goodsWikipedia's W.svg, the Express ran with the headline: JUDEA DECLARES WAR ON GERMANY! Jews Of All The World Unite In Action. This headline is still widely circulated around white nationalist and anti-Semitic blogs and Bible-thumping websites on the internet as undeniable proof of the Jewish agenda to force Western nations into war for Germany, despite it being little more than run-of-the-mill tabloid sensationalism.[3]

The paper claimed a crusading purpose, with a crusader knight as a logo, although according to the BBC its campaigns "did not always have the intended effect. [Its] attack on the Labour party during the 1945 general election with the headline The National Socialists was considered by some to have helped to secure their victory, while cynics said no cause was truly lost until it had been championed by the Express." It also gained a reputation for suppressing undesirable news stories such as the affair between Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson, and Churchill's stroke in 1949.[2]

In the 1950s, the paper employed prominent British fascist A. K. Chesterton as a "literary adviser" and columnist; Chesterton also ghost-wrote Beaverbrook's autobiography.[4]

In the late 1990s, it briefly tried a left-wing position under editor Rosie Boycott[2], but soon reverted to type when in 2000 it was purchased by pornographer and wannabe media tycoon Richard Desmond.

Modern[edit]

Like the Daily Mail, the Express is typically outspoken against further European immigration, laments the downfall of the traditional nuclear family, and is highly critical of un-conservative, un-British "values." The main news articles often include telephone numbers for its readership to text message their opinions in relation to the article topic. These text-in boxes are typically of questions along the lines of "Should Britain leave the EU?" and "Should we shut down immigration to the UK?"

Express Newspapers also publish a red-top tabloid (i.e. even more trashy and sensationalist), the Daily Star.

The Express and the Star, along with some other red-top tabloids (The Sun, News of the World), are noted for morbidly milking human interest stories for as much mileage as possible, particularly cases of missing or murdered children. While it could be considered commendable to keep up the publicity for an unsolved child's disappearance, in the Madeleine McCann case of 2007, most headlines revolved around sensationalising accusations brought against the parents. Even in 2009, sensational headlines involving mostly speculative details and accusations continued to head the Express front page. Such coverage of the Madeleine McCann case led to the child's parents suing the Express and the Star for libel over accusations of their involvement in her mysterious disappearance.[5] Sensationalising the most inane and trivial things on the front page probably hit its peak with a Sunday Express report that survivors of the Dunblane massacreWikipedia's W.svg were "shaming the memory of their dead friends" by... well, doing what perfectly normal 18 year-olds do, like occasionally swear and drink a bit.[6]

During the housing boom of the 1980s the Express ran a readers' competition to "Win a £125,000 mortgage."[notes 1]

Woo[edit]

Like most tabloids, the Express has engaged in its fair share of sensationalist woo and conspiracy-peddling often in the form of "just asking questions". This is not surprising, as Joy Desmond – wife of proprietor Richard Desmond, both of whom dictate the Express' content based on their own interests – often retweets from "@ILLUMINATI" on Twitter.[7]

Example stories[edit]

European Commission President Jean Claude Juncker was the latest EU bigwig to be photographed "giving the code" after he was snapped with his hands in the rhombus shape - known as a [Angela] Merkel Diamond – while talking to Queen Mathilde of Belgium and King Philippe of Belgium during the Te Deum mass at the Cathedral of St. Michael and St. Gudula in Brussels, Belgium, yesterday. It comes after new British Prime Minster Theresa May was pictured separately making the same hand gesture earlier this month. [...] Conspiracy theory website illuminatiRex lists the diamond sign as number one out of a top-ten of illuminati signs, with Mrs Merkel given her own section for doing it in reverse, in what it describes as the Merkel Raute.
Conspiracy theorists claim the huge scientific installation, triggered a magnitude seven earthquake in Vanuatu, in the south Pacific which was so strong it was described as "shaking the planet". [...] Other theories include its potential to pull an asteroid into the planet, and even that it is run by illuminati scientists, hell bent on opening a portal to bring the devil back to Earth. None of the above, however, are scientifically proven.

Rivalry with the Daily Mail[edit]

The Daily Express has a long-running rivalry with the Daily Mail, more than likely because the two are very similar in their right-wing editorial stances, viewpoints and target markets. The two papers frequently attack each other's credibility, many Express front pages including the inane slogan "20p less expensive than the Daily Mail, and ten times better." Although being "ten times better" than the Daily Mail is no hard feat, the Daily Express fail to deliver upon this promotion by simply taking all of the positions of the Daily Mail and making their own ten times more extreme, showing a clear misunderstanding of the word "better".

Surely she can't still be dead?[edit]

Just as the Daily Mail has its thing about cancer, The Express has its equivalent in the late Princess Diana. Despite having died in 1997, pictures of Diana regularly feature on the front page of The Express - presumably to boost flagging sales. This is repeatedly parodied almost everywhere, from pages in Private Eye to Russell Howard on British panel show Mock The WeekWikipedia's W.svg declaring an average Express headline as

"DON'T GO OUTSIDE! IT'S FULL OF QUEERS, BLACKS AND CRIME! OH, IF ONLY DIANA WAS HERE..."[8]

This isn't just an odd observation jumped on by comedians, it's notable enough for even Wikipedia to mention it as a serious point.[9] You also have to wonder how long it will be until they run out of photos. We can (and do) live without her, you know.


See also[edit]

Notes[edit]

  1. Think about it.

References[edit]