“”Please leave me alone.
Tim Tebow is an American football player who launched his career playing college ball for the Florida Gators. Tebow is the first college player to win the Heisman trophy as a sophomore. But why is he here? He makes a public display of his Christian beliefs, and so got heavily promoted by the Religious Right, to the point of generating a personality cult.
While in college, his use of eyepaint to display Bible verses was so annoying that it resulted in what is commonly called the "Tebow Rule." In stopped clock mode, the NCAA banned "messages" or other advertising on player's faces in order to prevent any further such wingnut tactics from being employed by future amateur athletes. He was lambasted as well by fellow recruits during the 2010 Scouting Combine for pushing hard for group prayer before taking the required Wonderlic standardized intelligence test.
After becoming the starting quarterback in Denver five games into the 2011-2012 season, Tebow's record with the Broncos had a 8–5 run and helped manage to get them to the second round of the playoffs. Because of the miraculous sense of last minute comebacks (six wins in the fourth quarter or overtime), Tebow seemed to be more convinced of his grace with God. In post-game interviews he constantly credited Jesus for bringing the day's victory, despite the fact that head coach John Fox almost benched him for the season due to debilitating puncture wounds in his forehead, lower abdomen, hands and feet. It is unknown how his teammates feel about him crediting the invisible twelfth man before the runningbacks.
Jesus himself visited the locker room after one game, asking the Broncos to use the playbook, and not the Bible, in order to keep their win record high ("turning the other cheek," apparently, does not a playoff team make).
Despite his win record, he still wasn't getting much respect from some of his fellow players and sports commentators for being a good "clinch player." Broncos fans were still uneasy, having once thought previous players such as Jay Cutler and Jake Plummer to be the next John Elway, only to have reality bear out. The Broncos' December 2011 loss to the New England Patriots revealed the level of Tebow's "Plummerness." In this case, Jesus may not be the answer (or, Jesus is trying to teach Tebow that the penitent man is humble before God, and losing is ultimately a humbling experience).
After scoring, Tebow performed a form of prayer, characterized by kneeling with bowed head; this had become popular among fans (who previously were used to the Mile High Salute as well as the "Number One" point-to-the-sky gesture). Eventually it flared into facepalm-inducing internet meme featuring various people, video game characters, toys, and action figures performing the action, and also solidified the stereotype of awful American tourists.
 End of an "era"?
On March 18, 2012, it was announced that Peyton Manning, one of the league's top QBs, would be joining the Broncos, signaling the first parting shot to the end of the short-lived Tebow era, and hopefully to Tebowing altogether. A few days later, Tebow was traded to the New York Jets, to the delight of
many New Jersey residents. Despite all the hype the trade caused in the football world, Tebow, by the time the regular season started, was relegated to back-up quarterback behind Mark Sanchez. He mostly rode the bench for the entire 2012-2013 season, even as Sanchez performed miserably; his contract was not renewed by the Jets, leading to widespread speculation that his career was over.
 Everyday I'm shufflin'
Tebow signed with the New England Patriots on June 10, 2013, then was released before the beginning of the season. Just before the New Year he was hired by ESPN as a college football analyst; let's hope he stays there.
 Tim Tebow "fun facts"
- Was homeschooled until college.
- Claims to be a virgin.
- Was featured in a anti-abortion ad (aired during Super Bowl XLIV in 2010) inexplicably tackling his own mother.
- Flagrantly violates instructions stated in the Bible (Matthew 6:5-6) to have come directly from the mouth of Jesus:
“”And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men...But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet.
 See also
- TebowHaters.com, which has existed since the Florida days
- The Onion wastes no words on the subject
- No no no no no. Please not again.
- ↑ Tebowie ("Will you play? I say hell no!")
- ↑ Tim Tebow blackballed by NFL teams because of cult-like following, media frenzy, Yahoo Sports
- ↑ Tim Tebow Rules (According to the NCAA), ESPN
- ↑ Tim Tebow’s Wonderlic Prayer Request
- ↑ "Christ, with his injuries, just can't catch the ball. It seems to slip right through his hands!" -- John Fox, 9 September 2011[citation NOT needed]
- ↑ Everyone, John Oliver.
- ↑ Jesus visits Tebow on Saturday Night Live
- ↑ Now Recognized as a Word, 'Tebowing' Meme Spreads Worldwide, Mashable
- ↑ Thank Fucking God.
- ↑ Tim Tebow’s release from the Patriots now official, Boston Globe
- ↑ Tim Tebow has clause in TV deal that allows for NFL return, NFL.com
- ↑ Video clip
- ↑ So much for the best commercials of the year.