Have you accepted Eris as your personal lord and savior? If not, we here at Green1 ministries have a special deal for you. For a limited time only, YOU TOO can get the complete deal ABSOLUTELY FREE! (for the cost of one beer at a French Quarter dive bar)
Unlike the old, tired inferior saviors other hucksters try to sell, your new and improved lord and savior Eris will not care! Guaranteed!
- Eris will not send send columns of fire if you pack fudge. But the redneck whose fudge you were wanting to pack may have something to say.
- Eris will not care if you have too much beer, but the police might if you get too drunk and get caught peeing on the street.
- Eris does not care if you cheat on your wife, but the divorce lawyer may care about getting a nice pay check.
- Eris is low maintenance and does not care if you pray to her. You probably could try, but Eris will still not care.
- Eris does not care about any tithes, but you can still buy me a beer and consider it a tithe.
- Eris has boobies. Buddha has boobies, too. But those are gross man boobies. The Wiccan Goddess has boobies, but she probably is a lesbian and only bangs gods with goat horns.
- Eris demoted Pluto. How's that far an all powerful deity?
- Eris will not care if you are a douche. Nor will she love you for no good reason automatically like Jesus.
- Eris has no boring holy text like the King James Bible. Instead, you get the Principia Discordia.
- Eris does not make you memorize passages from the Principia Discordia nor does she care if you even read it!
- Eris does not have folks killing other folks in her name. She just does not care enough.
- Eris does not care enough to make water into wine, but you could go onto the internet and learn to make your own!
- Eris does not claim to cure the sick by having folks utter her name over them. But, you can exercise and stay healthy and avoid getting sick!
- Eris does care enough to be an egotistical deity who wants folks to sing boring 100 year old hymns to her on command once a week.
- Eris will also not care enough to make you sing said hymns over and over for all eternity when you die.
So... begin your Path to Enlightenment™ today!