|Can such things be?|
|The Twilight Zone|
Vampires are mythical undead creatures that want to suck your blood. Many people (primarily fifteen year-old girls) find vampires incredibly hawt. Some will go so far as to dress and almost act like them. Others (though apparently not everyone) find the penetration aspect disconcerting. Very few vampires have been known to be whiny teenagers who sparkle in the sun.
The modern concept of the cool vampire that women would actually want to have bite them probably stems originally from nineteenth century pulp fiction like Varney the Vampire. Bram Stoker's Dracula novel is the only one remembered nowadays, partly because of a highly successful stage adaptation and, later, numerous
identical film versions. (After its publication, multiple television and movie adaptations were based on the character, and the Castlevania video game series has Dracula as the antagonist of several games.) That and the lashings of alluring vampire women, heaving bosoms and ... excuse me, I need a cold shower...
Chinese vampires are an entirely different ball of wax, not unlike the difference between Asian and European dragons. They're also rather icky, perhaps even more than the traditional European folklore vampires.
 In popular culture
In pop culture, from films such as Blade, Night Watch, and Hotel Transylvania to TV shows such as Being Human, Count Duckula, and Adventure Time, vampires being nice and not drinking blood is a common theme. Some will just feast on animal blood, some will "go on the wagon" (plus many other references to alcoholism), some will just eat shades of red, some will use an alternative However, even a vegetarian vampire can't get blood from a turnip.
Vampires also tend to fight with other mythical creatures across various works of fiction. Almost without exception, the vampires are the cool ones at the top of the food chain, while werewolves are usually the butt of their jokes. Not even Discworld is able to escape this stereotype.
Vampires are also, disregarding any previous evidence, able to walk in sunlight. Previous to the 20st Century, the Holy Power of sunlight turned vampires into dust. With advances in scientific knowledge, humanity found that vampires were weak to U.V. rays, causing the aforementioned dust transformation. Now, thanks to ingenuity and Stephenie Meyer, all a vampire needs to keep from turning into ash is some bleached hair, sunscreen, and bad plot devices.
 Religious interpretations
Early, as well as modern, interpretations of vampire lore suggest an allegory or parody of Christianity. If a character drinks the blood of a vampire, they will die but live forever after death. Sound familiar?
Despite (or possibly because of) this, many priests have denounced the stories of Dracula and, more recently, Edward Cullen, akinning vampire-fandom to idolatry. It is expected that many of those who speak out against such novels for this reason haven't read the books, otherwise they would praise the conservative message of the Twilight saga and criticize it for its horrible writing. Although some claim it's full of Mormon references, so they might not like that.
 How to kill a vampire
are immortal are almost immortal but they need to suck the blood of the living in order to survive. Often they can be killed by sunlight. Almost always they can be killed by decapitation, by being burned to ashes, by a silver bullet (Lone Ranger, please take note!), or by an oak stave driven through the heart. Not like real people, then.
 Vampire hunters
Some people really think that they are vampire hunters. Perhaps the best known is real-life weirdo  Bishop Seán Manchester. However, he is beaten in popularity by the fictional Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which has been declared the second best show of all time by Empire, while "Seán Manchester" on Wikipedia gets a redirect to the Highgate Vampire article.  
William Schnoebelen claims to have been a practicing vampire until he was turned by a bank clerk in 1980, lost all his magical powers, and joined the Mormon church instead.  He has since denounced the Mormons for their connection to the Freemasons and Satanism.
 See also
- Roman Catholic Church
- Zombies—the other, less intelligent, more decayed, and likely smellier form of undead.
- How to Stop Energy Vampires according to this blithering fool
- ↑ http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2011/03/its-finally-happened-a-sparkling-sex-toy-for-twilight-fans
- ↑ Bram Stoker's Dracula could go out in the daytime, but he had to bundle up and wear sunglasses, and daylight robbed him of his vampire powers.
- ↑ Who has a lot to answer for...
- ↑ "Vampires are afraid of crosses because vampires allergic to bullshit." —Richard Pryor
- ↑ http://lifeisreallybeautiful.com/amazing-wacky-things/wanna-buy-a-mummified-vampire-heart/
- ↑ "A Vampire's Life? It's Really Draining", The Washington Post, November 24 2008.
- ↑ "Energy Vampires" by Dr. Bruce Goldberg.
- ↑ Confirmed as weirdo in Ofcom broadcast bulletin 58, Apr 2006, pages 44-50
- ↑ http://www.empireonline.com/50greatesttv/default.asp?tv=2
- ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Sean_Manchester&redirect=no
- ↑ Real Vampires
- ↑ http://www.relfe.com/07/Bill_William_Schnoebelen.html