Wisconsin

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Moo. Cornfed beef. Cheese.

Wisconsin is a state in the midwestern United States. It was admitted to the United States in 1848.

Their motto, much in the vein of Ken Kesey's Merry Pranksters "Furthur," is "Furward."

Also, Wisconsin is home to possibly one of the most liberal cities in the midwest, Madison. A state capitol and university town, this rather small city was the original home of The Onion, America's best possible News-source. The Progressive[wp], a rival to the The Nation and the New Republic, has been continuously published there since 1909. It is home of University of Wisconsin-Madison, a university rather despised by Conservapedia for a while, most likely for the wholehearted support that professor values and liberalism enjoy there. Also, UW is a great university to get drunk at, apparently.[1] Wisconsin tends to go blue during recent presidential elections, going Democratic every election since 1988. Since 1896, it has gone Republican fifteen times (latest being for Reagan's second term), Democratic thirteen times, and Progressive once (when Wisconsin governor Robert "Fighting Bob" M. La Follette, Sr.[wp] ran for president).

Otherwise, Wisconsin is very much a "swing" state, due largely to urban-rural tensions (namely, Madison and Milwaukee versus everywhere else, with the exception of a few counties in the west and north that have a strong labor union presence). This is pretty much par for the course for the Midwest.

Contents

[edit] History

Admitted to the Union in 1848, Wisconsin was the original destination and home for many of the Social democratic refugees from the European Revolutions of 1848[wp].[2] However with the discovery of gold in California in 1849, many of the social democratic revolutionaries overnite became greedy money grubbing capitalists and fled West (their descendants are marked as '49er fans.) Thus was the beginning of the Green Bay-San Francisco rivalry.

Both the Republican Party, and the modern Progressive movement were founded in Wisconsin. The Progressive Party originated as a reform spinoff from the Republican party. Wisconsin likewise for many decades was the only state to elect an openly Socialist member of Congress[3] and mayors of a major metropolitan city.[4] The notorious Kohler Strikes[wp] are viewed as "landmarks in the history of both business and labor in the United States."[5]

[edit] Economy

In 2011 the state surpassed California with the most head of dairy cattle,[6] making Wisconsin the nations largest producer of bovine flatulence[7] and contributor of the dangerous[8] and deadly methane greenhouse gas.

A major point of contention in international trade talks has been refusal of the European Union to allow imports of Wisconsin's dairy products[9] due to widespread use of bovine growth hormone. BGH allegedly produces early breast development in pre-pubescent girls.[10]

Although the state is legendary in beer production[11] it also ranks 5th in per capita beer consumption,[12] remarkable considering it is only 20th in population.

[edit] Education

Wisconsin has ranked first, second or third every year since 1994 with the highest ACT scores in the nation.

[edit] Notable cheeseheads

  • Orson Wells of War of the Worlds fame.
  • Joseph McCarthy, paranoid one world conspiracy theorist who accused innocent people of being KGB agents and communists. [13]
  • Harry Dexter White[wp], KGB agent, communist, Bretton Woods and IMF architect who taught college in Joseph McCarthy's hometown.[14]

[edit] Nicknames, manufactures and exports

  • Wisconsinites are often cruelly referred to as "cheeseheads,"[15] due to the major dairy production there. The fact that fans of the Green Bay Packers will wear foam cheese on their heads only fuels this more.
  • Harley Davidson. Get the fuck out of the way.
  • Miller Brewery and bunch of others. Although Wisconsin historically ranks in the top 2 states in SAT scores[16] & graduation rates, it also historically ranks in the top 2 states in per capita alcohol consumption[17], proving there is no link between education or lack thereof and alcoholism.
  • Badger - see state motto, above. Despite this, badgers are not native to Wisconsin and few, if any, ever lived there. Badger is a nickname given to early miners who left "badger holes" in the ground.
  • Michels Pipeline Construction has been awarded a contract for the controversial Keystone XL pipeline;[18] other large scale equipment manufacturers such as Bucyrus-Erie and Manitowoc Cranes stand to benefit as well.
  • Wisconsin has long been a major exporter of ginseng to China and South Korea, which (god only knows)[19] is re-packaged and re-imported to the United States and sold as Chinese and Korean Ginseng.

[edit] Footnotes

  1. Some say second only to UW-Lacrosse. 5 of the top 20 schools nationwide with arrests for drug and alcohol offenses are in the UW system.
  2. See Wikipedia article Forty-Eighters[wp]
  3. Victor Berger[wp]
  4. Frank Zeidler[wp], et al.
  5. According to Wikipedia.
  6. Wisconsin's 3rd Congressional District has more dairy cows than people, many of which are still not registered to vote.
  7. EPA Issues “Fart Chart”: Bovine Flatulence Measured State-by-State, 1 May 2014, by jonathanturley
  8. Cow farts blow up barn.
  9. while Danish hams and French brie are freely available.
  10. The Falling Age of Puberty in U.S. Girls: What We Know, What We Need To Know by Sandra Steingraber, Ph.D.
  11. as measured by the beer industry’s economic effect on GDP, Wisconsin is now ranked third.[1]
  12. http://www.jsonline.com/business/wisconsin-ranked-no-5-in-beer-consumption-b9946369z1-213983791.html
  13. Joseph McCarthy: Biography, Appleton Public Library.
  14. The Battle of Bretton Woods: John Maynard Keynes, Harry Dexter White, and the Making of a New World Order, Benn Steil, Princeton University Press, 2013, p. 21. [2]
  15. a term originating among Illinoisyians, which cheeseheads ruefully refer to as "flatlanders".
  16. http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/states/USCHARTsat.html
  17. http://www.politifact.com/wisconsin/statements/2012/nov/21/health-first-wisconsin/health-first-wisconsin-says-wisconsin-stands-alone/
  18. Michels Wins First Contract for the Keystone XL Pipeline, Pipeline and Gas Journal, December 2010.
  19. See mislabeling of the Ginseng Board of Wisconsin seal and lack of monitoring by the GBW, Status of the Wisconsin Ginseng Industry , Lan Cheng and Paul D. Mitchell, Department of Agricultural and Applied Economics, University of Wisconsin‐Madison, 2006; also Taiwan Market Development Reports: Ginseng 2006, USDA Foreign Agricultural Service.
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