William "Bill" Jefferson Clinton was the 42nd President of the United States during the peace and prosperity scare of the mid-nineties. He was elected in 1992, beating the Republican incumbent George H.W. Bush, and won re-election in 1996 against challenger Bob Dole.
He is every conservative's favorite president (after all, he is a Southern Baptist), although they'd rather die than admit it. Who else has given them so many excuses to act like deceitful scumballs, and then yell "Clinton Did Worse!!!!" when called on it? Luckily for them, getting a blow job is the very worst thing a man can do.
When confronted with allegations that he had engaged in sexual improprieties, Clinton argued that while Monica Lewinsky had engaged in sexual relations, he did not:
“”[I]f the deponent is the person who has oral sex performed on him, then the contact is with -- not with anything on that list, but with the lips of another person. It seems to be self-evident that that's what it is... Let me remind you, sir, I read this carefully.
Clinton "ended welfare as we know it," signed into law pro-business amendments to portions of the New Deal (some utterly disastrous years later), and achieved a balanced federal budget in his last three years of office. Republicans still tried to evict the moderate Democrat.
He is married to Secretary of State Hillary "Hills" Rodham Clinton.
 Straight from the White House biography page
“”During the administration of William Jefferson Clinton, the U.S. enjoyed more peace and economic well being than at any time in its history. He was the first Democratic president since Franklin D. Roosevelt to serve two full terms. He could point to the lowest unemployment rate in modern times, the lowest inflation in 30 years, the highest home ownership in the country's history, dropping crime rates in many places, and reduced welfare rolls. He proposed the first balanced budget in decades and achieved a budget surplus. As part of a plan to celebrate the millennium in 2000, Clinton called for a great national initiative to end racial discrimination.
The author Toni Morrison once quipped that Clinton the first
black affirmative action president. However, this is not the case. Bill Clinton is the first U.S President to admit under oath to masturbating in the Oval Office.
 "It's the economy, stupid!"
The above section title was James Carville's primary advice to Bill Clinton during the 1992 Presidential campaign. The advice seemed to resonate with the to be future President. During Bill Clinton's eight years as President of the United States the Dow Jones Industrial Average gained approximately 8,000 points. In contrast, under Clinton's successor, George W. Bush, the index fell more than a net 1,000 points during his tenure.
 Vince Foster conspiracy theories
In 1993, former White House aide Vince Foster committed suicide. This set off the wingnuts and they dove straight into conspiracy-land. Joseph Farah, before he was a birther-enabler, squawked about a bunch of "magic bullet" theories that supposedly proved Foster was murdered. Most of the theories speculated only about Foster being whacked by Clinton, but there was an entire "Clinton death list" circulating around the world of e-mail forwards. All of this is complete bullshit with no evidence supporting it.
 Famous Clinton quotes
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is." – Bill Clinton, during his 1998 grand jury testimony on the Monica Lewinsky affair.
"When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale and never tried it again." –Bill Clinton
"It depends on how you define alone…" – Bill Clinton, in his grand jury testimony.
"There were a lot of times when we were alone, but I never really thought we were." – Bill Clinton, in his grand jury testimony
"What's a man got to do to get in the top fifty?" – Bill Clinton, reacting to a survey of journalists that ranked the Monica Lewinsky scandal as the 53rd most significant story of the century.
"Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening." – Bill Clinton
"I asked him to do it because he was the only person that I could trust to read all 150,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations." – Bill Clinton, on asking Vice President Al Gore to tackle federal regulatory reform.
"Well, I don't have much job security." – Bill Clinton, in 1992, on why he still plays the saxophone.
"If President Reagan could be an actor and become president, maybe I could become an actor. I've got a good pension. I can work for cheap." - Bill Clinton, at a Hollywood fundraiser.
"I may not have been the greatest president, but I've had the most fun eight years." – Bill Clinton
 See also
- ↑ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OON6F8eBbxU
- ↑ Some conservatives used to claim that lying and/or perjury were the Very Worst Things, but their reaction to Scooter Libby have made it clear that such claim no longer works. That just leaves the blowjob.
- ↑ http://ejournalofpoliticalscience.org/indexstarr6.html
- ↑ Clinton 8/17/98 GJ at 151.
- ↑ Overall debt didn't go down, but the federal government finally saw daylight for the first time in decades.
- ↑ http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/bc42.html
- ↑ http://ontology.buffalo.edu./smith/clinton/morrison.html
- ↑ Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) History, New York Stock Exchange
- ↑ Snopes debunks the Clinton body count